


Night Terrors (what to do when you're scared in space)

by OddmentsandTweaks



Series: Et lilium inter (musicis) spinæ [2]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Blood Test, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Discussion of nightmares, Dr Carmilla's A+ Doctoring, Dr Carmilla's A+ Parenting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear of doctors, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It/Its Pronouns for The Toy Soldier (The Mechanisms), Jonny D'Ville has actual feelings, Lots of cuddling I am not even sorry, Medical Examination, Mention of blood and violence, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of child neglect, More descriptions of what happened on Lily's ship so be warned for violence there, More tags to be added most likely, Needles, Nightmares, Not all the characters tagged appear in every chapter-sorry!, Platonic Cuddling, Soft Jonny d'Ville, lots of comfort, mention of past kidnapping -very brief, mentions of disciplinary violence (towards the mechs not Lily)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OddmentsandTweaks/pseuds/OddmentsandTweaks
Summary: Lily has been adopted onto Aurora by the Mechanisms after they accidentally rescued her as the sole survivor from the massacre on her pioneer ship, the crew are adjusting to life with a very mortal eight year on board with various forms of grace, she makes the days interesting but night brings the bad dreams and what are you going to do if you're eight and on spaceship?You're going to find someone who makes you feel safe.
Series: Et lilium inter (musicis) spinæ [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1846969
Comments: 210
Kudos: 161
Collections: Lilly-of-Many-Names Tales





	1. 42 Steps to Safety

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the follow on to the story 'Surprising Salvage' where the crew stumble across Lily who makes herself known in rather dramatic fashion, you can read this as it's own story but for context you'll probably want to read that story first! 
> 
> This continues the adventures of Lily with The Mechanisms, starting just a few days after she joined the crew. I'm hoping to cover her experience of nightmares as she settles into her new life and how each crew member responds to them, pulling out surprising reactions from some them to say the least...
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me with the last story, I hope you enjoy this one!

42 steps, 42 steps. It was just 42 steps to Jonny’s door.

She was safe. It was fine. She was on Aurora. Her friends were here and Jonny’s room was 42 steps away.

Lily closed her eyes again, refusing give in to the monsters in her dreams. She was a big girl now. She had a job and everything. She had a grown up job with a proper name. Not just the responsibility to keep their quarters clean and tidy and keep the playroom neat.

The playroom.

There hadn’t been many of them left who used the playroom. She was the youngest by several years and Tolla didn’t like playing anymore now she was learning communications with her mummy and Stefan called her silly for wanting to play at building the houses they’d have on the their new world. They wouldn’t be on the planet anyway so it was silly wasting time. He wanted to build a better power converter.

She tried not to think of it now.

Her last view of it has been very different to how it usually looked.

Stefan had tried to hide in the old den, it wasn’t a very good because they didn’t have much and it wasn’t well hidden but there wasn’t really anywhere else to hide in the playroom either.

The bad ones had found him anyway.

Lily tried hard not to remember that.

She turned in her bed to face the window, trying to count the thousands of stars but she couldn’t settle. Lily’s hands twisted and grasped at her blankets dearly missing Rocco, her cuddly geode that her daddy had made for her. She had tried to find him in the wreckage of the ship before the Mechanisms came and rescued her.

Like everything in her family’s quarters it had all been torn apart, his stuffing bloodstained and ruined. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to touch him.

Lily was already up and out of bed before she even knew what she was doing, walking the 42 steps with tears pouring down her face.

His door wasn’t locked.

***

She’d not been inside before. They’d only rescued her a few days ago.

Lily stepped in carefully and took in the sight.

Jonny’s room was a disaster zone, discarded clothes and bottles both empty and full lay strewn about mixed in with the wreckage of notebooks filled with the scrawl of lyrics and song notes. Sewing materials cluttered up a corner.

It smelt of whiskey, smoke, socks, sweat and spice.

It smelt of him.

It smelt safe.

There was a desk with more notes, scribbled ideas, a communicator, harmonica and several ash trays with multiple cigarette butts in them. There were a few printed images too, jumbled in the chaos and half hidden under everything. One was of a smiling little boy, a lot younger than she was now with two adults, a man with a grin she thought might have been familiar but it had no warmth, his eyes were slightly unfocused as he leaned against a stern, tired looking woman. She didn’t recognise any of them. But there were a few of the crew scattered about, some more stuck on the wall above. They were laughing, or singing, all the angles wonky like someone was jumping or dancing when they took the picture. It was nice to see them looking so happy together.

They always looked happy together when they played their music.

There was a snuffly noise coming from the bed.

Lily had tried to be quiet. She knew charging in and shouting when the crew weren’t expecting it could be bad. Jonny had told her so, sneaking up on them to make them jump was not a good game to play. No surprise hugs. Not even to Marius.

Everyone was still not used to hugs.

Apparently Lily hadn’t needed to be quiet.

Jonny was fast asleep, sprawled out on his bed, half under and half on top of the blankets. He’d shed his waistcoat, goggles and some of his belts but he still held a mostly empty whiskey bottle in one hand the left arm that hand was attached to dangling off the bed, face smushed into the pillow, other arm buried underneath both pillow and head.

Lily had never seen Jonny asleep before. She was suddenly reminded of some of the bigger boys on her ship. But that was silly. Jonny was a grown-up. He was big and strong and powerful. He wouldn’t let anyone get away with raiding Aurora.

Her chest hurt again. She could hear the echo voices shouting and people screaming from her nightmares. He breath hitched.

She knew what she wanted.

“Jonny?”

Nothing.

“Jonny? Please wake up!” She raised her voice a little, trying and failing to stop the wobble wavering in it, threatening to spill over. 

Still nothing, if it hadn’t been for the fact that she could still hear his ticking and the soft snuffly snores she would have been worried he was not asleep at all. Still, a lot of nasty thoughts and memories had found their way to the surface and she very much wanted a reassuring cuddle. To be told for definite there were no bad ones on board and there were no bad ones coming.

Jonny was safe. She knew she could ask him and he’d say yes.

The screams were getting louder in her ears as she unwillingly remembered more of her nightmare, the faces and the devastation left behind. Seeing all the red where no red should be.

“Jonny! I had a nightmare and I’m scared!” Tears began to escape down her face again, voice raising to a cry as she reached to shake his shoulder, “Jonny! Please!”

The second her hand made contact Jonny’s eyes snapped open as he reared upward scrabbling desperately for his weapons.

“WHA-? GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” He roared.

Lily startled backwards before bursting into fully terrified tears.

She’d never seen Jonny like this, it was probably why he was good at dealing with raiders, he was scary.

His lips were drawn back in a snarl over very exposed teeth, eyes wild, marks around his eyes smudged with his pupils blown-wide and hands filled with the bottle brandished like a weapon, chest heaving as he tried to locate the source of danger. The only thing that spoilt the image of a murderous beast roused and ready to kill was that in his right hand he had clutched a pillow rather than his usual six shooter. He made a motion with that hand to shoot the room staring confusedly at the pillow when it didn’t make the customary ‘bang’ noise his six shooter always made.

Pillow. What?

The first mate’s sleep-sluggish and whiskey-drenched brain finally caught up with his reactions and registered another noise over his own thundering heart.

Crying.

High-pitched crying.

Jonny dropped the bottle as the scene finally made sense.

Lily.

New panic suddenly flooded him as he scrambled off the bed desperate to reach her, got tangled in his sheets and fell straight off the side with cry into a heap of cursing on the floor.

The sight before her changed so abruptly she stopped crying in sheer shock.

He was Jonny again. Her Jonny.

Jonny fought to untangle himself, then realised she’d stopped wailing.

“Lily?” His vision was still blurry but she was clearly still there, even if there was two of her every time he blinked.

“Jonny?” Lily hiccuped still reeling from the whiplash she’d just witnessed, “Are you alright? I’m sorry I scared you!”

What a ridiculous thing to say, as if she could scare him. “Scared me? No? I’m fine.” He swallowed and realised belatedly that him roaring had not been him dreaming, fuck. He’d just yelled at her hadn’t he? “No, I’m just, tired, really tired and I thought you were someone else?” it came off as a question but he really hoped she got that he hadn’t meant to sound like that, that he was angry with her.

“A bad someone?”

Fuck, wasn’t that a question? All the others knew that when he was really out and asleep to not wake him, that his reactions were unpredictable at the very least, however many fucking years he’d endured Carmilla had that affect. But now Lily had seen him. Fuck he had to fix this, half asleep and still very much drunk.

He rubbed a shaking hand over his face, “A very bad someone.” He managed to fix his gaze on her, determined to look her in the eye, he meant this apology with everything he had, “I’m sorry Lemondrop I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t.”

Jonny found that very hard to believe, but appreciated her attempt to lie. She was getting better at it.

“No?”

Lily realised she had a decision to make. She knew Jonny and the others tried very, very hard not to scare her. She knew they were used to being a lot rougher with each other before she came. Toy Soldier had told her of all the shooting and shouting and fighting they did, TS said it was all games they played, very dangerous games but games all the same. But they stopped playing those games to let her play and live safely with them. They tried very hard to make things nice and safe. Jonny tried very hard. He warned her all the time of things to do and not do to make sure she stayed safe. It wasn’t fair to say she was scared now when he’d been asleep and he thought she was someone else. It would make him feel bad.

“No. I came to you because I had a bad dream. You make everything better and tell the bad dreams to go away. You make me feel safe and I want a hug now please, it was a bad dream and I miss everyone.”

She started crying again. It wasn’t even a lie. Not really. It really had been a bad dream and she really did miss everyone, even Tolla and Stefan though they’d teased her. They didn’t deserve what had happened. She very much missed Rocco. She told him all her worries. And she’d abandoned him.

Jonny scrabbled upwards arms already reaching for her as she threw herself at him. This he could do. He wasn’t entirely convinced by what she’d said but it’d do. It was enough and he, apparently despite everything, could make her feel safe. That was good enough for his very sleep and alcohol-addled brain.

Lily scrunched up against him, curling up as close as she could to his t-shirted chest, head directly over his heart. Jonny wrapped his arms around her and began to rock her gently, humming Rose Red once he remembered that was a thing she liked.

After a while she began to calm down and Jonny began to process what had actually taken place.

“What, what was the dream about Lemondrop?”

“I, I was in the playroom, I was always the littlest and Tolla and Stefan said they were too big to play with me anymore and they had proper jobs and then they left me in there all alone with Rocco and it all went dark and when the lights came back on and everything was all bloody and they were dead and Rocco was all torn and stained and, and—”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, it was a bad dream but it’s over now. You’re on the Aurora and you’re safe. Remember.”

There was a soggy nodding into his neck.

“Good girl.” He paused, absorbing what she had said, “It sounds like Tolla and Stefan were playing at being boring adults and you’re far too interesting for that.”

“They were bigger than me.” She sniffed.

“So am I and am I boring?”

“No!” Her answer was as immediate as it was indignant, Jonny couldn’t be boring even if he tried.

He grinned at the accolade, “Well then.”

She leaned back and gave him a snotty smile.

“Exactly!” He grabbed a bit of blanket and started wiping her face.

Lily allowed him to mop her up a bit, it felt so familiar, like when her Daddy would clean her face with his handkerchief when they’d had a messy day tidying and cooking and playing. Her chest started to ache again. “I still miss them.” She said quietly.

Jonny held her tighter, rubbing her back on instinct, “I know Lemondrop. I know it hurts. I wish there was way a stop it hurting but it just does.” It would only stop when she stopped caring so that was going to hurt her for next ever. Jonny didn't like the idea of Lily not caring about things, even though she'd only been a part of the crew for a few days is was obviously a fundamental element to her, like Tim without guns it would feel wrong. 

She sank against him, drawing comfort from his presence, the immediacy of his warmth and scent and touch. She was at least safe in his arms. “I know.”

“Was um, was Rocco a pet?” Jonny was genuinely almost too-scared to ask but it was something he should probably know. If it was important to her it would come up again and he wanted to know now and be able to form a proper response. Maybe with the others. It might help her out long term too. Maybe.

“Rocco?” Her eyes welled up again.

Oh fuck. He regretted that moment of maturity. He absolutely should _not_ have asked.

“He was my friend. I told him everything.”

Oh no, another kid. Fuck fuck fuck. Marius warned him there might be more disclosures as she processed things.

“Oh yeah?” Jonny desperately tried to keep his voice calm. How the fuck was he supposed to navigate this without upsetting her more? “Like what?” he tried gently.

“Secrets.” The panic in Jonny’s brain trebled, knowing the sort of things that had gone on on his homeworld, things all the kids pretended to not know about but commiserated each other on in stolen moments, parents fighting, drinking and violence, punches being thrown against people who had no chance to defend against them. His mind started to spiral.

“He was really good at keeping them,” continued Lily as though Jonny wasn’t swirling with anticipated horror, “like I didn’t like Mummy’s bean soup or that daddy had the worst smelling socks on the ship and that I stole a biscuit once when no one was looking.”

Jonny let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Thank Fucking God On High. That was one small mercy at least.

This kid was at least an innocent. Or, had been an innocent. Until everything she knew was destroyed.

“I’m, I’m sorry about your friend.” Because fuck it what else was he supposed to say?

Lily wilted, “I miss him, he was a cuddly geode with eyes, all green inside because that’s my favourite colour! Daddy made him for me and, and—”

She began to cry again, the renewed heartache over missing her parents that were never coming back to her.

Jonny could have kicked himself. But then again. Dealing with Lily was minefield. At least this ‘Rocco’ hadn’t actually been another kid. Fucking hell. This was exhausting.

She’d only joined them a few days ago.

Jonny had no idea what he was doing. She was still clinging to him her primary source of comfort and he was trying to make that stay in his brain that she found him safe and secure and that she wanted that. He’d been patrolling past her room every hour or so after she’d been put to bed these last nights because her nightmares were pretty frequent and using a few tricks Marius and surprisingly Ivy suggested he’d managed to calm her down back into sleep before any really got going.

Problem was he thought he’d past the point of her bad dreams for this last part of the night and the rest of him was close to shattering with all the new emotions that had been crawling up from the depths of what was left of his humanity. It was a lot.

Whiskey helped.

It helped a lot.

Jonny refused to admit the truth to himself that he was scared. There was nothing left to scare him anymore after Carmilla had her accident after all. No. Not at all. Except there was. He’d told Nastya as much. He was scared he’d mess this up and now he’d been a fucking self-fulfilling prophecy.

He’d only had a bottle, normally it took three to make him actually sleep.

(Emotions were really fucking exhausting it turned out)

So he held her as she cried and quietly panicked that he’d properly scared her and as soon as she finished crying she’d run to the others. Find Marius or Brian or Raphaella or even fucking Tim. It was for the best, really. The sooner she knew he was a broken dangerous thing who could switch from calm to raging with the flip of a card then it was for the better.

He carried on humming to pass the time and tried to savour what a weirdly nice feeling it had been to be someone’s comfort and security even if it was only for a few days.

Lily pressed herself closer to him, ear over his heart, little hand against his neck feeling his pulse.

After a while her tears slowed again.

“M’sorry.”

Jonny was immediately alert, dragged from his reverie.

“No. Don’t be sorry. Remember what I said?”

“Cry and scream as much as I need?”

“Yes Lemondrop.” He grinned despite himself, at least someone listened to him. "So don’t apologise.”

She nodded, crawling up a little higher to press her damp face into his neck.

“Thank you.”

“S’lright, I got you.”

“I know.” And she did know. Knew instinctively and intrinsically. Jonny was safe. Nothing bad could happen to her when she was with him.

She yawned against him.

“Can I stay here? Don’t wanna be alone and you’re safe, you scare all the bad dreams away.”

If Jonny hadn’t already been short-circuiting that would have tipped him over the edge.

Holy Shit.

She still, she wasn’t scar—he was still safe?!

“Yeah, uh, sure you can stay here.”

She cuddled in closer for a minute, kissing his cheek in thanks before letting go and standing up tugging on his hand to get him up too.

“Wha—?”

“Bedtime Jonny.”

Oh, of course bedtime, take her back to her roo—

Lily was climbing on his bed dragging both him and the blankets with her

His brain tripped up and sputtered out at the realisation of what she was asking.

She wanted to sleep in _his_ bed.

She wanted to sleep in his bed with him _there_.

Any and all sirens existing in his brain set off all at once.

“Um, Lily I—”

“I don’t want to go back to sleep on my own, bad things are waiting. Please?” Her eyes were huge and pleading.

Fuck. This was probably a bad idea. He was certain there were rules, like society rules against this sort of thing.

But then again, since when had he cared about rules and more importantly the idea of being anything other than a ferocious guard dog for Lily whilst she shared any space with him whatsoever sent a powerful wave of nausea rolling through him.

Well fuck it. If it made her feel safe then who was he to argue? Not to mention he was actually truly exhausted and had the very bad luck of having both a hangover with the worse aspects of being drunk. And Raphaella said the age Lily was at she should be having ten hours or more of sleep which she absolutely was not getting. Even Jonny with his limited grasp of time knew that.

“Alright then, just for tonight.”

“Thank you!”

Throwing whatever control he had of the situation out of an airlock he shook out the blankets, climbed onto his bunk and laid the covers over them both. Lily immediately tucked into his side, protected by him against any monster or memory that could charging through the door. Jonny lay rigid, still very convinced this was a very bad idea.

One little arm wrapped over his chest, hand resting on his heart.

She was already half asleep, “Night Night Jonny,”

“Night Lily.” he managed whilst his brain continued to panic.

“You’ve got the best sound, tick, tick, tick, means I know you’re here.”

Well that shouldn’t be a shock to hear the way she pressed her head to his chest whenever she climbed into his lap for a hug or he picked her up but to hear those words outloud?! That was something else entirely. “Um good?” was his eloquent response.

“Very good, know I’m safe, no more bad dre—”

And she was out, her breathing evening to a slow pace, little hand heavier on his chest.

Well fuck it, he wrapped an arm around her and she settled even more with a soft sigh. Even if it was very unlikely he would now sleep he was willing to be a pillow for eight year old orphan. He might as well have a use this evening. Despite everything he began to relax too, calmed subconsciously by the gentle even breathing of the child he was determined to protect.

She was safe. She thought he was safe and he was helping her get some desperately needed rest.

It was enough.

He was resolutely not going to think about how the hated thing in his chest brought her comfort, how _he_ brought her comfort.

He wasn’t going to think about he could cry with relief that he’d been cleaning his gun after Tim had been taunting him about the state of it before he started drinking. Drinking too quickly even for him and he’d forgotten to re-holster it before calling it a night. That he’d left it on the other side of his room with his cleaning stuff.

No, he wasn’t going to think about he’d blindly tried to shoot the room and Lily.

No, not at all.

He was going to think about geodes and whatever they fuck they might be and where he might find one or make up a pattern for one. He wondered what shade of green was her favourite. He might be able to steal something of Marius’, bastard owed him something surely.

That’s what he was going to do.

It was just for tonight after all.

***

Unsurprisingly, it was not just for that night, even Jonny had to sleep sometimes and it turned out feeling emotions on a regular basis that he couldn’t ignore were much better knock-out fuel than whiskey ever was. He still patrolled past her room each evening but he couldn’t catch all the nightmares before they truly started.

He still startled the next few times but soon he got used to having a little body climb into his bunk, cuddle against him and fall asleep.

After a while, if she wasn’t too upset and didn’t come in actively crying he didn’t even wake up. Just awakened in for whatever passed for a morning with an armful of Lily who was sleeping peacefully cuddled up against him.

It seemed to help her at least.

Knowing she could just come to him and find safety.

He still didn’t really know what it was that he offered her but he was more than willing to accept that it did help her so he wasn’t going to question it. Much.

Over the next few months the number of times he spent a night on his own he could count on just his fingers.

He just accepted this was his life now. 

He found he didn’t mind.


	2. Strange Bedfellows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gunpowder Tim sleeps like a particularly heavy rock. This has caused some issues in the past. This continuing to cause issues right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments on the last chapter, they absolutely made my day! I'm glad this idea is something so many of you like! This is a mostly fluffy chapter but it does touch on a few darker themes very lightly at points, nothing is in detail, very much just inferred but I wanted to mention it nonetheless.

Tim was a heavy sleeper, or rather, he could sleep through anything. It had been a bit of a requirement in the tunnels else he wouldn’t have slept for the entire four years of hell.

Tim had nightmares like everyone else on board but thankfully in the last few centuries they’d eased off so it was only every few weeks now. When it was a non-nightmare night he slept like a rock.

Which is why he didn’t wake up or even notice a certain teary-eyed visitor appear in his room in the middle of the night.

Tim awoke feeling overly warm, not unpleasantly but decidedly more than he was used to of a morning. He began to shift then froze. There was an unexpected weight on his chest. He attempted to remain calm even whilst a spike of terror shot through him. It was probably an octokitten that had decided to seek him out because he was the one that fed and petted them regularly.

That had to be it.

He considered with a sinking feeling.

It was too big to be an octokitten.

The only other things it could be would be some kind of experiment of Raph’s gone wrong or a particularly nasty prank from the others taking advantage of his stone-sleep. Given all the lack of murder going on it was going to be extra nasty to compensate surely.

Tim _really_ didn’t like surprises.

He skipped straight past any further logical progression, forgetting in his quiet panic that his eyes could have scanned under the covers to show him what was there instead he seized his blankets in one hand and in one fluid movement launched himself up, reached with one hand for his nearest side arm whilst he simultaneously ripped the blankets back with the other to reveal what had snuck into bed with him.

A platinum blonde head shot up, blue eyes wide and panicked, emitting a startled scream straight into his face.

Tim screamed back on pure reflex.

_Lily_.

The master-at-arms gathered himself in record time, heart still slamming against his chest he threw his gun aside and wrapped his arms around the now crying child.

“Shh, shh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry sweetness I didn’t know it was you!”

Lily _never_ came to him, not since she’s joined them. She didn’t go to _anyone_ other than Jonny when she’d had a nightmare. He’d seen Jonny enough times carrying her around the corridors singing to her in the last week or so. Sometimes they charged around together singing at full volume but that was always away from everyone. Why the fuck was she here? What had Jonny done or not done to fuck up this time? He was honestly a bit surprised, Jonny had been doing well, weirdly, really well with Lily. It seemed odd that now something had happened, surely if he was going to fuck up it would have been when they got her, what, two weeks ago? A strange pang of worry, as alien as it was sharp appeared in his gut. Had something happened to the first mate?

No, that was stupid. For all his general assholery Jonny was pretty fucking durable, he’d got them out of a few more scrapes that Tim was willing to credit. Especially that time on Hegrafess. Tim repressed a shudder. He would have got himself out of there fine on his own. He knew that. But he’d liked that outfit enough to be annoyed if he lost it and they’d taken his guns which had pissed him off royally and so what if he was half way to getting out of his bonds, figuring out six different escape plans when Jonny had come roaring in and that that had been single sweetest sound he’d heard that decade. That that sound confirmed he definitely wouldn’t have to endure anything before he made it out of there. Not that he’d ever admit the relief he’d felt when the first mate had been in full business mode, emptying his gun into the room without blinking, freed Tim in seconds and handed him his blood-spattered weaponry back. They shot up the entire building together and not another word was spoken.

Just how it should be.

No. Jonny was clearly fine. Just not where he was supposed to be which was fucking typical.

Tim started rocking her instinctively, subconsciously copying Jonny because he knew that worked at least.

“What happened? What’s the matter?” He asked in a gentle voice he didn’t know he owned.

Lily calmed down as soon as Tim began to rock her, soothed and safe against his chest. It didn’t make the same comforting ticking sound nor it smell quite the same but it was almost as good. Tim was still warm and safe and alive.

She leaned back and wiped her face on her too long sleeve, it was still concerning to Tim how much Jonny’s old shirts swamped her, “M’sorry, had a nightmare, an’ you were closest. Didn’t want to be alone.”

Tim breathed a sigh of relief that she’d stopped crying, clearly it was more of a shock thing than she was actually upset. “That’s okay sweetness, you just scared me, I didn’t remember you coming in.” The nickname fell from his lips as easily as loading a chamber. He didn’t even notice.

“I called you but you didn’t wake up.”

That he could believe, “No, I sleep pretty heavily.”

“I got scared. I thought you might _not_ be asleep and I wanted to check. I got in next to you like Jonny and you _were_ asleep but then it was safe and warm and I was tired and I didn’t want to go back to my own bed. Sorry.”

The ‘not asleep’ made Tim wince internally, she always avoided saying ‘dead’ or ‘death’ it was ‘not asleep’ or ‘not come back’. It was probably a coping thing which they should probably address. Or rather, they should address if the rest of them had reasonable approaches to dealing with their own issues which, well, Lily could use any other words she wanted for the moment. Tim had just been enjoying the decided reduction of murder that had been taking place on board since Lily joined them. None of them wanted to freak her out and it was honestly far more entertaining to see how well they could wind one another up in order to figure out how to deal with in front of Lily and to plot sneakier murdery retribution later. As it was, the number of non-lethal pranks had had a marked upswing. It had been, actually, pretty good all round.

The whole mood had been lighter in the past few weeks. A larger part than he would admit part of himself hoped it lasted.

“That’s alright, did you sleep okay after?”

“Yes, you wrapped your arm around me so I thought it was okay to stay.” She paused, searching his face for any sign that he disapproved before adding quietly, “I didn’t have another nightmare.”

Tim ran through several scenarios when things could have gone decidedly badly “Well that’s alright then.” He lied easily, he’d have to warn the others that if she came to _him_ they were now all clearly fair game. He wasn’t particularly special after all. No more weaponry in immediate reach. They’d have to be a lot more careful.

Lily saw that he looked worried rather than cross, Jonny tended to look something _and_ cross both at the same time but after a few days of watching she decided that was just what Jonny’s face did most of the time. She decided to try to make Tim less worried, she hadn’t asked to share with him after all. She’d asked Jonny that first time. He’d yelled in surprise too when she went to his room. “I had a dream instead.” She shared, it had been a good one after all.

“Oh, what about?”

In the distance he could make out some frantic steps. Ah, well that solved that minor concern. Jonny was clearly fine, just not where he was supposed to have been whenever his little visitor had needed him. Bastard.

That probably wasn’t fair, Jonny had had her practically attached to him everyday for the past three weeks and hadn’t actually complained about being an obvious comfort blanket once. But Tim wasn’t fair. And Jonny _was_ a bastard. It was pretty much his assignation at birth by all accounts.

Oh well, at least help was coming. Even if it felt very, _very_ weird to think of Jonny has actually helpful. Still, best keep her talking all calm and relaxed and show the first mate that he was capable at least.

“I was climbing steps made of books, I got higher and higher and there were platforms and you were all playing music on them, Raphaella was flying above me and I got to the top and there were music lines and notes, I could swing on the lines and hit the notes to match your song!”

That was arguably one of the most surreal but honestly sweet dreams he’d ever had told to him. Tim didn’t think he’d probably ever featured in a nice dream, and certainly not one had by a little girl. It was an oddly pleasant feeling that his presence was a good thing.

“LILY?!”

“In here Jonny!” She chirped happily.

Tim braced himself.

Tim’s door slammed open with a decidedly wilder-than-usual eyed Jonny stood in to the door breathing rather heavily. He drank in the scene of a confused sleep-ruffled and pyjama-clad Tim with a seemingly perfectly happy Lily sat on his lap, cuddled up against his chest. Multiple thoughts crashed through him each one more garbled than the last.

“Heard screaming, not in your room. What the fu—!”

“I had a nightmare.” Explained Lily simply. It was usually better to explain quickly rather than let Jonny get all worried and cross. She’d watched the others do that and it worked a lot.

Jonny instantly deflated, guilt that was becoming more familiar by the day flooding him. He didn’t like it one bit.

“Oh.”

“It’s alright though," She soothed quickly, she didn't like seeing Jonny looking sad when he'd not done anything wrong. It wasn't his fault Tim was nice to stay with too. She told him so too, "I found Tim and stayed with him. It wasn’t _bad_ bad, I was looking for you but I found Tim first. Then I got tired. I stayed here.”

“I’m sorry Lemondrop. I was helping Nastya fix a bit of Aurora, I checked in before but I didn’t hear you.”

“Don’t worry!” Lily gave him a genuine smile, “I had a good dream after, I climbed books and played music with everyone.”

“Oh well, that’s alright then?”

He threw a confused look over her head to Tim who was still reeling from hearing Jonny apologise so readily.

The master-at-arms looked just as confused, he shrugged, “a warm body is better than nothing.” He offered, even with the explanation he still wasn’t sure why she’d come to him, he was only good with guns and explosions.

“Tim doesn’t tick like you but he gives as good cuddles.”

That sentence managed to make both Mechanisms blush to the roots of their hair.

Jonny forcibly regained the power of speech when it was clear Tim had completely short-circuited “Is that so?”

“Yes.” Stated Lily confidently as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. It probably was to her.

“I missed your ticking but Tim’s really good at feeling safe too.”

“Er, thanks?” Tim offered weakly, this had to be one of his weirdest mornings on this ship and that was saying something.

“You’re welcome!” Lily beamed.

For once since he’d joined them Jonny decided to take pity on Tim, whilst it was hilarious to see the master-at-arms so thoroughly side-swiped by their resident ball of sunshine, none of his usual calm and collected presence here, he was just utterly thrown and Jonny did know EXACTLY how unsettling it was to be suddenly covered in small child. Especially unexpectedly.

And Tim, outside of a shooting range, wasn’t quite as confident with Lily yet.

“Alright, well, now you’re both awake how about you leave Tim to remember which way is up and get changed then we can have breakfast. Deal?”

“Deal!” She turned to Tim pressed a kiss to his bewildered cheek, “thank you for letting me stay!”

She faced Jonny again, arms raised, she’d yet to cuddle him that morning after all. He picked her up easily and she snuggled against him as though she’d always been there. It was still deeply strange for Tim to watch Jonny interact with Lily, he’d not got used to the 180 swings Jonny could manage between dealing with Lily and the rest of the crew. When he had her in his arms, he did a worryingly good impression of a young father. Oh he’d still snark and curse at them like nothing had changed but with her there was a gentleness in him that Tim would have never believed existed. He still had trouble believing in it and he’d witnessed it. Repeatedly.

It was too early for this.

“What are we having today?” Jonny carried on the conversation as if Tim wasn’t still gaping at the pair of them.

“Strawberry pancakes with raspberry and white chocolate sauce!”

Fucking hell, that actually did sound good. Really good. The fact that the quality of cuisine had had a marked upswing in the last two weeks only due to the presence of an eight year old said far too many unpleasant things about their previous standards. The first mate kept that to himself and instead spoke aloud, “Well then best get washed and dressed, don’t want to keep people waiting.”

As it was, breakfast was whenever Lily with the help of Brian or Marius made it rather than fix it to a time, the Mechs as a rule were not good at time keeping except in their music so the idea of a routine was minimal at best. Ivy’s research has said that small children did well in one so there were nominal times but were really rather led by Lily, hungry? Then it was meal time. Tired? Then it was bedtime. They hadn’t managed much more than that but it seemed to be going okay.

“See you at breakfast Tim if you’re not full from catching flies.” Jonny waltzed out of Tim’s room with Lily in his arms and a big shit-eating grin on his face, pleased to have had the upper hand so early in the morning and he hadn’t had to actually do anything.

Tim was still in bed and wasn’t entirely sure as to what had just happened.

Only that before the day was out he needed to have murdered Jonny at least once.

Maybe twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it! I've got quite a few ideas for this series, I'm really enjoying exploring this aspect of the Mechs and their outlooks and approaches to things through how they respond to Lily. 
> 
> Plus, writing Tim as disorientated and sleepy was an utter joy, I've had the image of Lily and him surprising each other and screaming in my head since I began writing Surprising Salvage so I'm glad I could finally share this!
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I'm aiming to update this weekly (sooner if I can manage it!). 
> 
> Thank you so much for each and every comment, they make my day!
> 
> Thanks again, mask up and stay well everyone.


	3. Fiddlesticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad dreams and late night music practice works surprisingly well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Hurrah! This one is very much more introspective and has a bit of a slower pace but there's still plenty of comfort, I hope it still hits the spot!

It was a quiet evening on the Aurora, well, quiet middle of the night really since it was about 2am and Marius had only a passing relationship with time outside of his music. Which he was currently lost in. He was trying to write a new piece to go with part of the verdant hood tale they were all determined to form into their newest story cycle and he wanted to capture the exact triumphant sound of the tournament, all the excitement and chatter and speculation of people just having a nice day out. He’d loved that day, being in the crowds getting to just absorb the ambience being around genuinely happy and excited people, even if he was there to help orchestrate chaos later the start of it had been lovely.

The notes washed over him until a singular sound struck discordantly.

“Mar-ric-us?” Lily hiccupped.

Marius stopped playing and spun around at the sad, wet little noise at the doorway, knowing instantly who it belonged to, “what is it Jellybean?”

Lily hiccupped again, “B-Bad dream.”

Marius carefully put down his violin and bow and opened his arms without a second thought.

Lily gave a short cry and threw herself at him. Marius caught her up and cuddled her close as she burst into a fresh round of sobbing.

“Hey there Jellybean, it’s alright, it’s alright, whatever it was it’s gone now, you’re safe.” Marius was aware of the general content of her nightmares so far from Jonny and memorably a week or so ago from Tim who looked like the experience had been more scarring that that beastly encounter on Traal that one time. They all now made sure their fire arms were not within flailing distance of their beds since no one truly had the heart to lock their doors. Marius rocked her the same way he’d seen Jonny do, Lily began to calm down soothed by the now-familiar motion and the all-encompassing warmth of the ship’s doctor.

He began to hum rose red, it had become her go-to comfort song, apart from the nights she screamed Hell Fire at the top of her lungs with the first mate, Lily on Jonny’s shoulders as he charged along the lesser occupied corridors.

At first he’d thought Jonny was just being an incorrigible prat as usual but when he’d asked Lily a few days later she’d explained quietly that sometimes after a nightmare she got scared _and_ angry, so angry at everything that she just had scream and rage and fight everything around her so Jonny had taught her the song that she could roar with everything she had to get all the bad dreams and memories and feelings that made her sad and angry out of her. It made her feel better and safer.

Marius couldn’t help but soften, welling with warmth at the idea that Jonny actually dealt with a proper upset constructively. He’d actually listened to Marius’ advice. And it seemed to be working for Lily. Well good for them both.

This Lily right now though was just sad and needed comforting.

Marius continued to rock her, “what was it about?”

“They were at my door. They were shouting and banging and I got scared.”

Ah, the usual then, “You know we’d never let anyone onto Aurora that would hurt you right?”

She nodded tearfully, “I know, you’d all shoot them first.”

“That’s right we would.” Well, Jonny would tear anyone threatening Lily apart with his bare hands at this point but best not to tell her that. That was a thought, they’d probably need to set up some sort of plan if there ever was an intruder. He’d have to have a chat with everyone, but then again, Lily was right, they WOULD just shoot anyone on board who shouldn’t be there. It wasn’t like people just got on board with any regularity. Except that one time. Best not to think about that whole mess.

That was another thought though, they’d have to make sure the stowaways knew to stay away from her. They rarely came up to the living decks, he’d have to ask Raphaella or Nastya or maybe just Aurora, he wasn’t entirely sure who was responsible/dealt with the stowaways but it was worth an ask at least. He knew Tim had covered Octokittens with her so that was a start.

He carried on aloud, “I mean, I don’t think we’d let anyone on board Aurora ever. You are our very rare exception.”

Lily shuffled to gaze wide-eyed up at him, “Really?”

Well, that was a look and a half, Marius felt himself melt at the idea he could offer such a wonderful concept to someone, “Oh yeah, we don’t just let anyone on the Aurora. You’re a special case.” He added for emphasis.

“Why?” Lily frowned as if she couldn’t fathom why she’d be special to a group of immortal space pirates. Marius felt horrified at the idea, of course she was special! No one else add managed to bring the whole crew together so effortlessly like she did and he should know! He’d been trying for the best part of a century!

Then again, maybe from the outside she had a point, what were a musical, marauding band of space pirates doing with a small child? Why would they want her around? The fact that she obviously was in the process of bringing the best sides out them all just by being herself was clearly something Lily hadn’t considered. But, to be fair, Lily was eight. These sorts of thoughts were probably not a common occurrence yet. Maybe. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t remember many details from the lectures he attended, and Lily was pretty in tune with them all. He knew TS had chattered happily to her about all their previous violence before anyone thought to shut it up because no one had thought to order it not to be descriptive when Lily asked it about things in the first place.

That had been quite the yelling match far away from Lily’s room that day.

Still, it was probably unlikely Lily was aware of the scale of her impact on the crew and Marius very much intended it to stay that way. Lily was, despite all her experiences and who she was currently living amongst, a little girl and no child deserved to saddled with the stresses and burdens of the adults in her life. He had no interest in giving her a sense of responsibility she absolutely had no business having. She was a child and it was their job to look after her, not the other way round.

So of course she was special, incredibly so, but he was not about to be honest about just how special she was, “Because we needed a much better cook than me and Brian!” He decided to add some extra detail, worried she’d think they only kept her on board because of what she did for them-that led down a bad path that Marius knew well and had absolutely no intention of embarking upon, “And we all like you, very much. We were obviously missing something in the crew and you came along and filled it perfectly.”

There. That should be a nice balance between the real truth and the child-friendly version. Hopefully.

She gave him a real smile, followed by a snotty, sloppy kiss on his cheek before cuddling back into his chest again. It was a good thing he always had handkerchiefs.

The ship’s doctor beamed regardless.

He liked that he was getting used to receiving affection again, cheek kisses, snotty or otherwise were very welcome. He didn’t internally blue screen when he got them anymore either which definitely a plus.

Marius was still quietly rather thrilled she’d taken so well to them all, so well to _him_. Usually in these situations, or at least the situations covered in the lectures and classes he could remember survivors tended to just latch on to one person and that was it.

He’d been prepared for it to be Jonny and to help deal with whatever chaos that caused. Jonny had been doing astonishingly well given his usual temperament but there were going to mistakes, moments and mess-ups. Marius was genuinely worried Jonny was going to implode then explode due to pressure and the sudden violent nature of going from disaster-bastard to parent-disaster-bastard in the space of 24 hours. That wasn’t a change most fully-functioning emotionally literate adults were capable of handling smoothly without a meltdown. And Jonny was none of those things. Marius wasn’t entirely sure Jonny could read in this situation let alone spell. Except, maybe he classed as an adult. Nominally. Due the fact he’d been alive the longest out of them all rather than his physical age because on that front Marius would eat his monogoggle if Jonny was older than 20 when he was mechanised.

That was something for another time.

But whilst Lily’s primary source of comfort was undoubtedly Jonny she willingly engaged with the rest of the crew, and that was the thing that had drawn them all together so well, they all felt included and important to Lily, albeit in different ways. Marius had enjoyed seeing how everyone fitted around her.

It felt nice to have something they were all connected to that wasn’t just music or storytelling or murder.

She was learning to shoot with Tim, read with Ivy and asked Brian every space question she could think of, clearly delighted he never once lost patience and always seemed to know the answer. He’d seen her play various games with the Toy Soldier, Raphaella was starting to teach her basic chemistry and physics building on the mechanical skill the child had shown with the traps she’d built on her ship, he wasn’t sure what she did with Nastya but whenever she joined them for meals the child seemed more comfortable around her so that was good. Ashes had started teaching her card tricks once several of them including Jonny objected vociferously to Lily being loose with arson traits just yet. That was clearly for when she was older, like nine or something. She was never too far from Jonny and still often as not held on to him if they were in the same room. He was the one who put her to bed every night, storytelling till she felt safe enough to fall asleep. Marius definitely hadn’t been listening at the door once or twice.

Marius was deeply proud of the first mate, and he was very carefully acknowledging that bit by bit in order not to either panic him or undo the actual good work that was starting to go on between Jonny’s sense of self and his multiple issues of inadequacy. Jonny had managed to make an instinctive niche for himself as somewhere between older brother and father for Lily and it was working. Lily was clearly settling into this new life of hers with them. She obviously felt safe with them and that was a miracle and a half right there but it had had a lot to do with how Jonny had reacted to her in the first few minutes of her being around them. Marius’ blood ran cold at the idea of Jonny having just shot Lily out of pure instinct against something running at him

Things could have gone very differently.

The not-baron was very, very glad they hadn’t.

As it was Jonny had inadvertently established the basic rules of engagement and since everyone (although no one would ever actually admit it) did tend to take their cues from him when in an uncharted situation by dint of his longer experience of living in the universe they’d accepted that as the base level of interaction; Jonny was tolerating and protecting the survivor. He brought her on board. Everyone pretty much had just rolled with it from there. The fact they’d actually had a proper discussion about keeping her later on was very much an added bonus.

Marius recognised a lot of his younger self in Jonny, he knew intrinsically was it was like to be an angry young man, it had taken him a long time and a lot longer of seeing the universe with his equally damaged crewmates to start to settle. It was nice to have that sense of home after so long, that familiarity with people that tolerated him and only murdered him semi-regularly, plus he got to share his love of music and storytelling with everyone else. Well, he wasn’t sure how much of that was the bio-programming but Marius had loved music and storytelling since before he was Lily’s age and he loved performing together, feeling like he was properly a part of something even if Jonny always taunted him about his lack of birthrights or medical qualifications. He got his own back with everyone else reminding him he wasn’t a captain so it all balanced out.

For him, finding this home had been a blessing. He loved Aurora and his crewmates like family and was genuinely thrilled that once they’d all talked about the actual, real logistics of raising a real human child they’d added another person to the group. And a person that brought so many unknowing benefits. 

One of them being the encouragement of physical affection and comfort to become more commonplace and less met with open hostility.

It was still surprising to him that he apparently fit into that need for comfort too. Next to Jonny he was the crewmember she threw herself at the most, confident he’d catch her and scoop her up. It soothed something deep in his core that he could be that for her. They played rock paper scissors, making up sillier and sillier versions of the game until one of them (usually Lily) dissolved into giggles.

If he really thought about it Lily reminded him a lot of his younger self too, he remember having that sense of wonder, that love for people and and find out something new. He also knew the terrible pain of losing everything as well. At least Lily didn’t carry real guilt over the fate of her people and planet, she carried guilt alright but it was very misplaced. It’s why he was so keen to get her settled and feeling as part of them as possible. He knew what happened if you let those feelings fester and if you didn’t deal with those nightmares. Those were a lot of years Marius was never getting back and he didn’t want the same for Lily. She deserved so much better than that.

As it was, he encouraged as much of her playfulness as possible. She deserved to be a child again for a long as possible.

She asked him as many questions as she could think of about his violin and about playing and had no issue with climbing up onto his lap to watch him play more closely. Marius had got used to practicing around a tiny child trying to hum along. He’d been missing her presence when he’d been practicing before she appeared.

It was funny how quickly he’d acclimatised.

How much he looked forward to teaching her properly listening to her play her own music.

How much the future didn’t scare him quite as much as it should anymore. He could focus on the here and now and it mattered far more than the far flung future.

It was nice and weirdly grounding.

Lily had settled comfortably in his arms again, safe and secure in both the knowledge that she was very much wanted on board and in the comforting embrace of Marius.

She adored Marius.

He was funny and silly and gave amazing hugs. He let her listen to his playing and even showed her all the notes, she loved it when he let her sit on his lap when he was practicing his music, it was like being completely surrounded in bright colours. That the music was everything and nothing could touch her and she was warm and safe with someone who was definitely living and breathing and being.

She wanted to learn all their music. Brian let her try following the notes any time she came across him practicing. She loved that too. Brian was very kind and nice too. She liked trying to play notes that matched his heart beat. She liked how it sounded with his drumming.

Jonny was showing her the harmonica too, she kept in time with his ticking by tapping her foot on the floor.

Marius’ heartbeat was a bit quicker and it followed his music happily, sped up during fast notes and slowed down if he played something calmer. It made her feel like she was right in the middle of things.

She asked him questions too and he never seemed to get tired of her asking. Not like a lot of the grown-ups on her ship. They were always so busy. They usually sighed to pretend that they weren’t cross and just sent her back to the playroom. Nobody here did that.

Well, they didn’t have a proper playroom anyway. Just a den she was secretly building. She wanted to make it a really good one before she showed anyone. It was going to be amazing and defendable. But being on your own and hiding wasn’t something she wanted to do at all so it had to be good enough to share first. That’s why she never went there after bedtime.

But even if they did have a playroom on Aurora they wouldn’t send her there.

None of them would.

They were all kind and nice and listened. And they never got cross if she asked questions. They actually seemed quite pleased. Like they liked talking to her and sharing their ideas and stories. It was very nice not to feel like she was getting in the way all the time.

She was still determined to show was a responsible big girl she was of course, it’s why she tried so hard with the cooking but it was very nice to feel like she was part of the crew. She loved cooking with Brian and Marius, they were a lot of fun and never got cross if something didn’t quite work or got a bit burned. She felt safe with them. She realised with a start that she did feel special, Marius was absolutely right.

Lily decided to work even harder to show how happy she was with them, that she was so happy that they thought she was as special as she did them.

She snuggled closer to Marius, breathing in his scent of resin, old wood and warm fabric very different to Jonny but still very welcome. Marius was solid and comfortable and safe.

Marius’ smile widened at the movement feeling incredibly proud that he’d calmed her down enough for to completely relax against him. He relished the trust she placed in him and would very like to never risk losing that trust thank you very much.

He had to wonder why she’d come him though. It was still very much after hours and he knew he wasn’t likely to be first choice. He should probably be concerned about Jonny but it was highly unlikely he was in any real danger, Jonny had an uncanny ability to withstand rather a lot of disaster and still carry on with whatever he’d set his mind to. So this was more likely he’d missed her on one of his now customary sweeps of her corridor, he’d been, impressively responsible if Marius was honest, as far as he was aware he’d only missed her night-time distress once before and that was what one, two weeks ago? She’s found Tim anyway and that was not a bad track record for people who didn’t really worry about anything or kept any kind of schedule. Jonny was probably going to pull the ‘I-am-guilty-as-all-hell-that-I-wasn’t-there-but-I-am-absolutely-going-to-try-to-hide-that-I-am-having-an-emotion’ nonsense he usually pulled when they did find him. Which was exactly what Marius was going to do. He wasn’t fool enough to think that Lily would settle for him when Jonny was still about somewhere and unaccounted for. She probably would eventually be able to just go back to sleep on any of them after a nightmare but right now it wasn’t fair to make her have to ask for her main source of comfort. She did try rather hard to come across as mature and independent when she could. It was rather endearing and they all made a point to talk to her like she was equally part of the crew (though some of them did try to the curb the swearing. Sometimes.) which seemed to help her trust them all.

Still, he best ask his question before she started to politely fidget to work up the courage to ask for the first mate. It was still very sweet and rather humbling that she worried so much about possibly hurting anyone’s feelings. That was something else they were slowly working on, to get her to voice her needs without worrying.

Marius rubbed his non-mech hand up and down her back, “Why did you come to me tonight Jellybean?”

Lily shifted a little to look up at him with the huge gaze that melted each and every one of them even though no one would ever admit it. “Heard you playing, it was pretty, I love your music and couldn’t find Jonny and I knew it was you playing and you’re good at cuddles too and you make things all warm and safe.”

Well. _Well_. That was certainly a sentence. He decided to skip all of that for the moment to focus on the immediate thing that had caught him off guard. The rest could wait.

“You knew it was my playing?”

“Yes.” Lily answered simply then she realised he was waiting for her explanation which was silly because it obviously Marius was playing but she explained anyway. “You sound like the sun in my storybooks. All warm and bright. Nastya sounds like the moon, silvery and full of secrets.”

_Well._

Marius felt the ability to speak bleed out of him. Instead he gave her the warmest, non-watery smile he could offer her and wrapped her up more tightly in his arms, pressing a soft gentle kiss to the top of her head.

Lily sighed contentedly and snuggled closer.

Marius took a full minute to pull himself back together.

“That’s a beautiful way of describing us Lily. Thank you.”

“Well it’s true.” Came the certain response.

“And that’s what makes it so beautiful.”

“You’re welcome.”

He cuddled her closer again, savouring the simple peace of this moment. It didn’t happen all that often on Aurora so it was definitely something to be enjoyed.

Once he was fairly convinced he had this committed to memory he made his offer, “Shall we go and find Jonny?”

“Um,” Lily paused.

“You can tell me Jellybean, it’s alright if you want to go and find Jonny. He’ll be around here somewhere.”

“You, you don’t mind?”

“I promise I don’t.”

Lily let out a small sigh of relief, “Yes, yes please.”

Marius rubbed her back again, “Good girl, thank you for telling me what you’d like to do.” Marius was determined to positively reinforce assertive behaviour. It would serve her well for life. Especially with this crew.

“Right then, let’s go!”

It was very easy to stand whilst holding Lily, she was still worryingly light but after the check-up Raph had insisted on when she first joined them they knew what they’d been working with and the weekly follow ups proved that Lily was slowly making progress. He felt a little bad about the fact it had been Raph to insist on properly medically assessing Lily but she was the far more systematic of the two of them. Marius could fix immediate things like gushing wounds and broken limbs (yes he wasn’t completely useless thank you very much) but anything that involved long detailed investigations? Not for him. He had helped, along with Brian, inform Ashes’ supply lists, they’d certainly expanded the stores on their last resupply. Lily had been thrilled about all the new ingredients.

Everyone tried not to look too pleased at the child’s obvious glee.

It had felt nice to do something good and to contribute to the actual healing of someone.

Even in his arms he knew there was more of Lily than there had been when she joined them.

She smiled a lot more too.

It made Marius feel lighter in ways he couldn’t articulate well enough.

Knowing what Jonny was like, if he had been patrolling and missed her wake up in his sweep then he’d probably start hunting all the places he knew that Lily knew but he’d probably only start risking looking places where there were more likely to be people when he was out of options and had to admit he’d lost her.

Given that he couldn’t hear Jonny’s footsteps or yelling he’d not hit the panic stage yet.

“Shall we have a look in the kitchen? He might have been having tea with the Toy Soldier and forgot the time.”

“Yes please!”

Marius, as much as he was impressed with Jonny’s dedication to Lily and his not-completely-awful parenting instincts, was not going to let him off scot-free for this evening. He did have some standards after all and as a mechanism he was honour-bound and duty-sworn to tease and wind up his crewmates whenever an opportunity presented itself. And this was perfect.

Marius was determined Jonny would actively accept the Toy Soldier’s presence with more than hostile begrudging. And he was not above using an eight year old innocent to achieve that.

He _was_ a bastard after all.

They made it to the kitchen in record time, Marius having nonchalantly sped up when he picked up familiar boots coming in the opposite direction. A slightly frazzled-looking Jonny came charging into the kitchen from the opposite doors, looking annoyed and purposeful to the casual eye. Marius’ eyes were about as casual as Tim’s when it came to the behaviours of his crewmates.

Jonny was trying very hard not to panic.

Marius was about to say something teasing since the first mate hadn’t noticed them yet when Lily’s head shot up and called out joyfully.

“Jonny!”

The jovial taunt on Marius’ lips died at sight of Jonny’s expression kaleidoscoping through confusion, palpable relief and pure happiness before it settled back into his usual sarcastic grin covering any and all other emotions.

“Lemondrop, I see you picked up our good Doctor. You alright?”

Lily turned back to Marius, “Thank you.” She cuddled against him for a moment then pressed a kiss to his cheek before reaching for Jonny. Jonny took her easily, she settled against him like she’d always been there, beaming from ear to ear. It was slowly getting less strange to see. The way some part of Jonny’s core settled whenever she was in his arms was something that was definitely going to take a lot longer.

“Marius was playing music.” Explained Lily when she was back in his arms, “I had a bad dream but I woke up and I couldn’t find you so I found Marius. His playing is really pretty.”

“I suppose it is.” Agreed Jonny with more sincerity than Marius had expected to be directed at him before the first mate turned his attention back to the child in his arms, “I’m sorry Lemondrop that I wasn’t there. I’ve been checking on you but I must have missed when you woke up. Sorry.”

Hearing Jonny apologise and mean it was also taking a while to get used to.

“That’s alright.” And it really was, she knew he was there for her almost all of the time, she knew he did have other things to do sometimes and that when he did, everyone else on board was just as nice and gave almost as good cuddles. “I know you’re normally there, I know you check. Thank you. I suppose you get thirsty too, did you have tea with the Toy Soldier?”

The whiplash on Jonny’s face was certainly something to behold.

“Tea? With the Toy Soldier?” came the strangled reply.

“Yes! I’m glad you have tea together! TS loves having tea with people, I thought it was just me who played teaparties!”

“Yeah, well,” Coughed Jonny, clearly scrabbling for something appropriate to say whilst considering how to murder Marius since this was obviously his doing, , “Nastya likes very special smoky flower tea and sometimes you just want Assam. Anyway Marius is quite good at tea, you’ll have to invite him next time.”

If Jonny thought that was some sort of trick move he was going to be deeply disappointed. Marius liked teas and the Toy Soldier.

The not-Baron just beamed innocently at him.

Jonny flipped him off out of Lily’s eyeline.

“Right well, thanks for being so locatable.” It was amazing how Jonny could sound both grateful and like he was saying ‘fuck you’. He turned his attention back to Lily, “ready to go back to bed?”

The small child yawned in response.

Both men refused to acknowledge how meltingly cute it was. That it was an octokitten yawn and deeply adorable.

“I will take that as a yes.”

Lily gave him a sleepy nod before pressing her face into his neck and snuggling closer.

Marius didn’t miss the way Jonny softened, just for a moment, looking like a very proud young father. Marius was quietly rather thrilled to be part of this wild family. They might be a marauding band of murderous musical immortal space pirates but they did, deep down, care.

And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this series, my shameless excuse to explore some soft!mech content using Lily as a little catalyst! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I'm hopefully going to keep this up at a weekly pace but the next one might take me a little longer!
> 
> Thank you again for all your kudos and comments, I read every single one and they always boost my day! Thank you so much!


	4. Out in the stars and far away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has another nightmare and when the first mate is not 42 steps away she heads to the one place she's certain she can find some comforting company...

Brian was sat in his pilot’s chair, charting their next course, trying to strike a balance between finding a planet that was ‘very pretty with nice flowers’, ‘somewhere with a decent supply depot-we’re running low on things’, ‘somewhere with a good war or two-want to test out some new stuff’ and ‘full of bastards.’

Never let it be said his crew didn’t like to give him a challenge.

They’d ended up moving around a lot more frequently, whereas sometimes if they took a liking to planet they might stay for a few decades, really get bedded in and cause some proper chaos for the sake of entertainment. Right now though, they didn’t have that kind of time to play with. For the first time in a very, very long time each day counted.

Lily only had a finite number of days and especially ones where she was still full of the wonder and excitement that tended to go hand in hand with childhood (and hadn’t been crushed out of her by her experiences so far) and they were all determined not to waste any of them. Now she was a bit more settled and had her first few tastes of what planets could offer they were determined to ensure she got to make the absolute most of living on a starship. She managed to make each day interesting whilst previously whole years could slip by and no one would notice. It was a nice change of pace.

Speaking of.

A sniff brought his attention to back in the room.

He startled when presented with a Lily that had somehow managed to get right up beside him without him noticing her at all. He took a quick moment to assess her, nothing obviously wrong other than a teary face. She was still far too small for any of their liking but she was definitely looking better, having clothes of her own helped too, she’d managed to look even smaller when she’d been wearing first Jonny’s and then the rest of the crew’s cast offs. She still wore something of the first mate’s most of the time as a comfort thing but at least her night clothes didn’t swamp her quite so badly. There was something in her hand too but Brian couldn’t quite make it out. 

“What’s wrong?” Although Brian already knew the answer, it was gone 4am ship time, Lily being up and by his side meant only one thing.

“Had a bad dream.”

Bingo.

He was only mildly surprised that she was up, usually if she had a nightmare this late she’d just climb in with Jonny if he was in his room which was becoming more frequent as the first mate slept more, that was definitely a welcome change right there. But he knew for a fact Jonny wasn’t likely to be in bed tonight, Brian was slightly more surprised that she’d sought him out, he was not the most ‘cuddly’ member of the crew after all. But then again, until two months ago, he would have said none of his shipmates would count as ‘cuddly’ and yet he’d been proven spectacularly wrong.

“Bad dream eh? Can’t be having that.” It only took her raising her arms to confirm what she wanted, he deftly picked her up and settled her on his lap.

She immediately snuggled into him. He should also have remembered that Lily was not discerning when it actually came to wanting cuddles. He still struggled to accept that she found him just as comforting as the others, that she still sought him out just as readily as the rest of the crew when she was upset and had even told him that she preferred to cuddle into the left side of him because it meant she felt closer to his heart (she could hear it beating more clearly on that side) and thus, _him_.

That had made him bluescreen.

At first he thought she was just trying to ingratiate herself to them all and then she’d draw away from him once she settled into a comfortable understanding with some of the others like Marius and maybe Tim, he was getting a lot more confident around her now too, especially after that whole surprise bed-sharing incident.

Brian was well aware of what he must look like to a child of any species.

Wrong and cold.

But Lily was not prone to token gestures it turned out.

Once she’d got a little more confident around everyone to not need to be physically attached to Jonny most of the time she began to spend time with everyone else during the day. If Brian was sitting either at his kit or at the helm she’d waste no time climbing up onto his lap and ask him roughly four hundred questions about what he was doing. 

It was nice. It was surprising, but nice.

Two months on he still wasn’t used to it.

But it was nice all the same.

She made him feel as real and alive and as a person as he needed reminded of from time to time.

Eventually he’d get used to it.

Maybe.

Lily did her best to convince him every time regardless, clambered up and settled on him exactly the same as she did the others. She’d even asked specifically if he minded at all which Brian certainly didn’t.

Even now, upset and mildly disorientated she’d come to him and was sat in her favoured spot on his lap. It still threw Brian for a loop that she had a favourite spot on him and that he knew it was her favourite spot, tucked up sideways, leaning against his chest and fiddling with his waistcoat buttons, she was clutching something fluffy in one hand but Brian decided not to ask just yet given how tightly she had hold of it.

All the same, Brian made a mental note to have a pillow by his pilot chair in future.

“What was it about?” he asked gently.

Lily pushed her face into the refuge of his chest and mumbled quietly enough that Brian had to strain to hear her, “I got left behind, I saw you all leave on Aurora and I wasn’t with you and I cried and cried but you didn’t come back.”

That was a new one. Probably spurred by them actually visiting planets with her in the last month. It had been the first time she’d left the Aurora, first time she’d been on solid ground with a sun above her and grass under her feet. It probably shouldn’t be surprising that it had triggered a new cycle of nightmares given everything she’d been through. Still, Brian felt his heart clench in sympathy, he tilted her face up gently to look directly into his, trying to make certain she knew he was telling the truth, she didn’t know about his switch yet and he kept himself on EJM when she was about just in case he needed to cover anything too dark and serious with white lies, but right now it was no hardship to tell the truth. “We’d never leave you behind Lily. Never.”

Lily nodded, swallowing hard, “I know, but, but I couldn’t find Jonny, he wasn’t in his room and I couldn’t find anyone and I got scared again and I thought you’d be here so I ran and—”

She started to cry again.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, it’s alright,” he began to rub her back and rock her like he’d seen Jonny do on multiple occasions, “It’s quite late but the poker game might still be on, remember?”

“Oh,” she sniffed, rubbing her sleeve over her face, looking suddenly even younger, “Forgot.”

Brian felt his very human heart contract, it was moments like this that stilled him, that reminded him of what an enormous task they’d taken on. She was so terribly, terrifyingly small. It was quite easily to forget during the general chaos of what he considered to be a ‘day’ that she was a fragile mortal, she filled Aurora’s corridors with so much sound, laughter, questions, singing, playing and consistently decent cooking. She matched them for volume and enthusiasm. She was just a smaller crew member, albeit it one that they tried to watch what they said around since Brian was determined not to let her lose the solid morals that had been instilled in her already, that was something he was not willing to concede on. But at night? After a nightmare? There was no escaping the fact she was a little girl, very, very far from home. And all she had to protect her was them. Jonny was always the first port of call when nightmares happened but he couldn’t be there all the time, even if he felt he should be. Brian felt deeply honoured she’d come to him for night-time comfort this time, he must be doing something right at least. Brian’s resolve redoubled to care for her as best as he could. “That’s alright. I’d be pretty forgetful too if I had that dream.”

She shrank a bit, taking refuge in the safety of his chest, thinking about the sight that woke her up then tried to distract herself. Brian was right, they’d never leave her behind. Of course they wouldn’t. She was part of the crew. But a new thought occurred in its wake, Brian was up here on his own, “Why aren’t you playing?”

Brian smiled, he could feel her concern for him radiating off her. He had no idea what they did to end up with such an empathetic kid but he was very grateful, she was inadvertently teaching everyone a thing or two, or at least, reminding them all of things long-forgotten. “I didn’t feel like it, sometimes I very much like to play poker but sometimes I’m just not in the mood and that’s alright, I like looking the at stars in the distance, they’re waiting for us to visit them you know.”

“Really?” Lily’s eyes matched the constellations. Brian loved it when she was interested in something like this, he’d almost forgotten what it was like to wonder. He was very glad to be reminded.

“Oh yes.” 

“Do they have names?”

He smiled his warmest smile, “Oh yes, lots of different ones, it changes who you’re asking.”

“But what do _you_ call them?” she pressed, keen to know all the things Brian could tell her.

Brian smiled widened, he loved the stars that surrounded them, never got tired of enjoying their beauty, pondering their stories. Now he could share them with someone who was just as entranced.

“Let me show you,”

“Can you show Gemini too?”

Brian was glad he hadn’t asked about the fuzzy thing she clutched tightly yet, deciding to let her make the initial introductions.

“Of course, where did you find him?”

Lily’s face split into a huge beaming smile, “Jonny made him for me! I told him how sad I was that I had to leave Rocco behind and he gave me this tonight, he’s perfect and love him, he’s even more cuddly than Rocco was.”

Brian tried to hide his smile at that information, Lily was clearly drawing hitherto unknown levels of consideration out of the first mate. It was decidedly pleasing. “Well I’m sorry you lost Rocco but I’m glad you have a new friend now.”

“Me too. I can cuddle him when I’m scared or sad and no one else is nearby.”

“Good, I’m glad you have someone else too.”

“He’s not as good at cuddling as you and everyone else but he’s nice to have with me at bedtime.”

“Well that’s the important thing.” Brian meant it too, it was genuinely pretty smart of Jonny to have created a comfort toy for her, young as she was and traumatised as she was Lily needed a lot of physical comfort and being able to have something in her hands that was easy to cuddle and carry around might be another way to help her adjust to life with them. It definitely had Brian’s approval.

“Will you show us your stars please?”

“Of course I will, both of you get comfortable.”

Lily settled back against him, secure in his arms, ready to learn about all the twinkling invites that lay spread before her, Brian’s soothing voice layered over the comforting sound of his steadily beating heart. She was safe, she was on Aurora, with her friends and they wouldn’t ever leave her behind.

***

By the end of the poker game a message pinged onto Jonny’s ship communicator, they all carried them, Aurora was a big ship after all but most of the time they just yelled or hunted for each other, gave them something to do half the time.

Jonny fished it out of his pocket, rather drunk and mildly confused at getting messaged at all. There were no planets in immediate range, Ashes was in front of him and so could not be in the kitchen and Tim was sticking to the rule of no explosions after 9pm for the meantime and Lily was asleep, he’d checked in at all her usual nightmare times and she’d been out cold. Everyone else who’d been playing had fucked off to bed or something else a while ago when their usual response to being beaten was no longer an option.

Aurora was certainly enjoying the significant drop of stray bullet holes piercing her walls.

_‘A little flower has sprouted up on the bridge, you might want to come pick it and plant it somewhere comfortable before you call it a night.’_

Jonny stared incomprehensibly at the screen for a solid minute before he realised what Brian was on about.

“Fuck.” He announced articulately.

“What?” Ashes raised their gaze to Jonny, already knowing that tone meant a certain small child was involved.

“Lily’s on the bridge.”

Ashes was only mildly surprised, “So?”

“It’s 5:17am ship time.”

“Oh,” the quartermaster considered connecting the dots, “nightmare time again?”

“I did check her! This is way later than she usually gets them!” Jonny huffed defensively, trying and failing to hide his guilt.

Ashes decided to throw him a bone, they both had just had a very good game after all.

“You did. You checked several times and each time she was fine and asleep, we both got into these last rounds, sounds like she’s fine again though. She likes Brian.”

“She likes everyone.”

“Yeah,” sighed Ashes, “poor kid. No sense of taste at all but she’ll grow into it.”

The first mate gave a wry chuckle, “Unlikely, she still likes us after this long.”

“True.”

Jonny sighed.

“So you going to get her?” prompted Ashes.

“Of course I am!” snapped Jonny indignantly.

“Pay up then.”

Jonny sighed more theatrically, but dutifully handed over a bottle of his good sipping whiskey.

He could shoot Ashes, but then he’d likely get covered in blood and it was too much effort to get changed to avoid scaring Lily. Ashes had won after all, they’d pulled better cheating moves than him so it was fair and square by both their reckoning. Asshole.

Still, he got to his feet as they began to tidy up the remains of the table.

“Good game.” He offered, it really had been after all. Much more intense and interesting game when you couldn’t shoot your way to victory.

“Yeah, you nearly beat me.” Allowed Ashes, a teasing smirk already quirking their lip.

“Next time I will.”

“Sure Jonny.” The quartermaster rolled their eyes in a way that was definitely not fond. Not at all.

The first mate gave a feral grin.

“Fuck you Ashes.”

Ashes grinned back, “Fuck you too.” As they were already lighting up another cigarette, flipping off the first mate as they flicked on the flame.

Jonny sauntered out, still grinning, one hand flipping a returning bird as he left, feeling lighter than he had in a while, Lily was safe after all.

***

Jonny made his way to the bridge, trying to keep his footsteps soft. Knowing what Lily was like after she’d found a source of comfort she’d probably be asleep. She’d got a lot more used to everyone over the last month or so, he’d even found her sat on a decidedly friendly Raphaella’s lap once practicing how to plait hair. That had been surreal.

He knew academically that he was going to have quite a sight on his hands between Lily and Brian who made no effort to hide what an utter sap he was but it didn’t prepare him for the reality of it.

He stood in the doorway and just witnessed.

Brian was sat in his pilot’s seat, the stars unwatched, all the drumbot’s attention focused on the bundle of child cuddled up against his chest, wrapped up in his discarded coat to stave off the cool night air of the bridge. Brass fingers gently carding through her wild hair, the soft rose-red flavoured hum melding with the ambience of Aurora’s own background cadence.

Jonny had never seen that look on Brian’s face before.

Peace.

The breath caught in Jonny’s throat. He might be a proud bastard, dedicated to all forms of bastardry but he couldn’t bring himself to disturb this moment. The small smile on Brian’s face seemed to come not from his lips but from somewhere deep within him.

He looked, Jonny realised with a start, like a father. A father enjoying the singular satisfaction of being good and safe enough to warrant his child sleeping easily and worry-free in his arms.

Jonny’s heart, if it could, would have skipped a beat to realise he knew _exactly_ how that felt. 

They were really doing this.

They were really guardians.

And they weren’t, as far as he was aware, fucking it up. Yet.

He felt torn between wanting holler with actual joy and chase 50 cigarettes with two full bottles of Ashes’ moonshine stash.

He was saved from choosing when Brian spoke up low and clear.

“I wondered how long it would take you.”

“To show up?” Jonny was already preparing to defend himself.

“To announce yourself.” Came the calm explanation.

“Fuck you.” Snapped Jonny, flustered at being caught out, Brian had obviously known he had been stood there watching.

“There’s no shame in observing Jonny.”

“Well good because I wasn’t.” Came the petulant retort.

Brian sighed. For all he was very good with Lily about her being open about how she was feeling he was terrible at following his own advice. Something that never failed to exasperate Brian.

Jonny huffed, but made sure he drew closer quietly all the same.

Lily’s sleeping face, as much as wasn’t smushed up against Brian’ chest, was free from any concern or fears, just the picture of innocence. She clung to Brian’s lapel with one hand and his hat rose in the other.

Brian enjoyed the involuntary softening of Jonny’s face.

“She been here long?” The first mate asked quietly, all the previous venom melting from his voice.

“Only an hour give or take.”

The pilot didn’t miss the look of guilt cross the first mate’s face.

“You know it’s alright, that you can’t be there for every nightmare.”

Jonny eyes snapped to Brian full of fury.

“Who said—?!”

“It’s all over your face Jonny. You can’t be there all the time, you’re there a lot more than others would be. This is only the third time in two months, two months of nightly bad dreams and we’ve been there when you’ve not been able to, there’s never been a point she’s been on her own and scared for any length of time. It’s alright.”

Brian decided to labour his point, to hammer it through Jonny’s impressively thick skull, stubborn bastard that he was, “She’s fine Jonny,” Jonny raised his eyebrows and Brian conceded, “alright she _will_ be fine, she’s well on the way in case you hadn’t noticed, she’s growing, she’s _thriving_ here. I’m not entirely sure how but she is. We’re doing our best and it’s _working_.”

He fixed Jonny with an inescapable glare.

“You’re enough.”

Even single snarky, acid-filled retort died on his lips.

Brian watched all the fight bleed out of Jonny. Not for the first time he was grateful for the effect Lily was having on him, allowing him to actually absorb things for once.

Jonny tried to find words, a word.

Anything.

He came up empty. Managing a single tiny nod instead because what else was he supposed to do?

Brian returned the gesture.

“Want to take her?”

“O-Only if you’re done being a pillow.” Jonny tried to recover.

Brian gave him a soft smile.

“I didn’t know I could be one.”

Jonny grinned ruefully, strangely serious for once, “Yeah, it’s catching that, sprite’s got a habit showing you things you least expect.”

“That she does.” More than Brian had ever really considered, he had to admit it had been surprising that she’d gone to him in the shooting range on her first full day with them, that she’d latched on just as hard to him as she had to the others, that even before that she’d wanted to be held by him just as much as the others, to be reassured after Jonny had shot Tim and Marius. She made him feel a person again, a living breathing feeling person who was just as warm and wanted as the others. He’d not even realised how much those thoughts of being so other had been deeply upsetting but now? Well, he was beginning to accept he too was enough and that he could take refuge and solace in that. He was enough for Lily and he knew, enough for his crew. For the first time in however many hundreds of years he felt something akin to peace.

It was remarkably soothing.

“You best take her though, it’s best she sleeps in a proper bed as much as she can after all.”

“I suppose.” Jonny still had that rare soft smile on his face, “She’s really getting to be alright isn’t she?”

“She is, she will be. There’ll come a point where her nightmares plague her only once a month instead of every night.”

“Maybe.”

“I’m sure.”

“Well I reckon it’ll be sooner than that you put her to bed sometime too. Can’t be doing it all on my own. Captain’s got other jobs to do too.”

“First mate and yes, maybe.”

Jonny flipped him off but there was no malice to it for once. “Oh I am sure bedtime duties are something you’ll take on sooner than you think.”

With infinite care the crewmates handed over the sleeping child.

Lily hardly stirred, only enough to snuggle face first into her customary spot against Jonny’s chest with a snuffled sigh.

Brian took advantage of Jonny’s distraction and willed down the emotion Jonny’s words had wrought.

Jonny thought he was comforting and good enough to put Lily to bed, he was enough, he was soft and warm and wanted. It was something he hadn’t realised he’d needed confirming but he was very glad it had been.

“Right then, I’ll see you later.”

“Don’t forget this,” Brian handed Jonny a particularly cuddly geode, pulled from the safe vantage point Lily had tucked it into, namely Brian’s waistcoat, obscured till now by Lily herself.

“Huh, right, fine. Thanks.”

Brian was amused at the rising blush on the first mate’s face, like he was embarrassed to have been caught out doing something nice as if he thought the other nice things he did for people on occasion went unmarked. Stubborn idiot.

“That must have taken some time to construct.” The pilot commented mildly.

“Long enough, wanted to get the points right so had to work it up in proper felt first before I covered it in the right type of fleece and—”Jonny paused eyes narrowing, “Fuck, why I am telling you this?!”

“Because it’s okay to be proud of something you made for someone you care about. And it is well made, Lily was telling me how much she loves Gemini that he’s even more cuddly than Rocco was. She’s thrilled you made something for her.”

Oh Jonny was well aware of how much Lily loved Gemini. She’d actually squealed when he’d presented her with him earlier that night and no one needed to know how much he was thrilled by its reception or that he’d committed that look of happiness on her face to memory, it made all that stealth studying of geodes and visiting that haberdashers to invest in extra thick felt to make all the crystals stand properly and cope with keeping a shape even under sparkly emerald fleece. He hadn’t even shot anyone in the shop and had said thank you to elderly woman behind the counter. (Then again, raised by a tailor even he respected the threat of elderly craftswomen).

“Yeah,” huffed Jonny as non-committedly as he could, “well makes sense to give her a toy.”

“A specifically hand crafted toy that took you well over a month to make?” enquired a far-too-innocent Brian.

“Yeah, so?” Jonny’s lip began to curl up in defiance.

“So I think you’ve done an excellent job. I think you’re doing an excellent job.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffed, “don’t get sentimental on me.”

“Oh I still know you’re a complete bastard, but on this I’m impressed.” The pilot meant it too, it really was a thoughtful gift.

“Fuck off Brian.”

“No, that’s your job, you’ve got someone to put back to bed.”

Jonny flipped him off from where he was holding Lily.

Brian grinned.

“Sweet dreams to the pair of you.”

Jonny turned on his heel, stalking off towards his room, it was pointless trying to put Lily to bed in her own room once he had hold of her, he’d learned the hard way that that didn’t work once she had the scent of him.

“Insubordinate piece of brass.” he muttered under his breath.

Brian just beamed at the retreating first mate, some things might not change obviously but the fact that Jonny hadn’t even attempted to shoot him said a lot. The ceasefire had meant there was a lot more discussion and people actually taking the time to spend time together constructively, collaborating on things and just actually starting to enjoy one another’s company for the sake of it, and he felt very much a part of it. They might not be the ideal guardians by any stretch of the imagination but they were clearly doing well enough.

And that would do.

Brian continued to set a course for a new planet, somewhere with pretty flowers at the top of his priority list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week another chapter! Hurrah! This one took some putting together so I hope it passed muster for you all!
> 
> I love Brian and I hope I did him justice, I wanted to have Lily show him how much she cares about him and that she cares not a jot that he's made of metal, he's her friend and he is just as nice and cuddly to be around as the rest of the crew. 
> 
> And Jonny? Well...I couldn't mention things in earlier chapters and not deliver! 
> 
> Thank you again for all the wonderfully kind comments, they all make my day! Please let me know what you think of this one!


	5. Check-ins and Check-ups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has another nightmare filled with darkness and bad ones later than her usual night terrors torment her and when her usual source of comfort is nowhere to be found she decides to try her luck with the one person she’s pretty sure will still be up…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter than I'd intended because apparently Raphaella and Jonny had a lot to say and observe! 
> 
> Just a note, I have updated the tags again, this chapter covers some description of a general medical examination of a child character and blood being drawn from her. There are also references to things Dr Carmilla did to Jonny previously but they are only really implied. I just wanted to make sure people were warned ahead of reading. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading, kudosing and commenting so far, you all make my day with your comments!

There was a tentative knocking at the lab door.

Raphaella frowned, she checked the ship’s time, 4:54 am. That was unusual. The only one who bothered to knock like that was Lily and Lily would be in bed by now and—

Ah.

Raphaella moved in a fluid motion, rising from her workbench and opened the door to be greeted by a slightly soggy Lily, the tear tracks and snotty nose was evidence of what had happened, clutching a fuzzy lump of something.

“Jonny not in his room?”

Lily shook her head, “M’sorry.”

Raph sighed. It wasn’t a great inconvenience, she was hardly interrupting a breakthrough, she’d just lost track of time documenting one of her less hazardous bio-concoctions. Without a word she scooped Lily and her fuzzy thing up and carried her back to the bench. Lily immediately cuddled in close to her, Gemini tucked against her chest, breathing in the science officer’s familiar scent of chemicals, leather and a hint of flowers from her long golden hair. Lily loved Raphaella’s hair, it was so beautiful and silky. She loved being allowed to play with it, threading her little fingers through the fine strands and trying to plait them carefully.

“You want to tell me what it was about?” prompted Raph.

“It was silly.” Lily thought the science officer was so clever and busy with all he experiments she felt shy and small and silly admitting what was wrong, she was a big girl and she should be able to handle one little nightmare. Even if it had really scared her. Lily hadn’t wanted to bother her, Raphaella was always kind when she did her checks on her but that was always at the same time, they were planned. So were all her fun science lessons. This was definitely interrupting and interrupting was rude.

Raphaella sighed, disappointed at Lily’s conclusion, “If it upset you then by definition it is not silly. Just because dreams are caused by synapse transfer and your brain’s interpretation of events does not mean that the outcome can be deemed ridiculous if it has an impact on you.”

“Oh.” Lily wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but it sounded like she didn’t think Lily was silly after all.

“Quite.”

“I dreamt the Aurora was all dark and cold and I could hear banging like a big, angry someone was trying to get in.” Lily explained quietly.

“I see.” Raphaella frowned.

Lily quailed a little, misinterpreting her expression and began to hide her face, “I said it was silly.”

The science officer sighed, realising what Lily thought she’d meant, “And what did I say?”

“Sorry.” The child cast her eyes down as she mumbled.

Very gently Raphaella caught Lily’s chin and pulled her face up to meet her, “No, don’t be sorry. This is a perfectly rational thing to dream Lily. You’ve been very brave and you continue to be brave. My research indicates that nightmares are a way of processing something very frightening and unpleasant that as happened to you. What happened to you was not silly so your way of processing it is also not silly.”

It had actually be a good excuse to research nightmares in general since she knew full well the whole crew got them, regardless of age. Her own ones were manageable if unpleasant, determined to remind her of things she’d much rather forget.

Lily’s lower lip wobbled dangerously.

Raphaella sighed and for once decided to take a leaf out of Jonny’s book.

Logical rational explanations could wait until she was little older. And she knew Lily responded extremely well physical comfort, she’d seen evidence of that be beyond that farthest doubt.

“Come here little proton, it’s alright.” Raphaella wrapped both her arms and wings about the upset child and began rocking her like she’d seen Jonny do. It seemed to work after all and if observed action had been proved to yield positive results then who was she to argue with empirical evidence? 

“It’s alright. You’re safe. Aurora is never truly dark, Nastya, Jonny, Tim and Brian don’t really like the dark either so she makes sure it’s always bright enough. And no one can get into Aurora without our say so. Aurora wouldn’t let them in anyway.”

“An’ you’d shoot them if they did.” Came a convinced voice.

“We certainly would. Or do something more interesting but we’d make sure they never got to you.”

“Promise?”

Raphaella was not in the habit of keeping promises, they were ephemeral and inconsequential unless you could use them to get what you wanted but this one felt important.

“On my honour as a scientist.”

Lily’s eyes widened at the words, that was very important. Raphaella was the best scientist there was and science was very, very precious to her. So she very much meant it.

“Thank you.” Lily snuggled closer

Raphaella sighed once more, not really put out, she began to card her fingers gently through Lily’s silvery hair. It had been more pleasant than she’d been expecting to show Lily an exact comparison for her hair colour in the natural world, sunshine reflected off the surface of the lake. She rather thought the explanation of how light travelled and refracted might have gone a bit over her head but Lily had been an enthusiastic listener all the same which was better than her crewmates most of the time. She had been thrilled at being compared to sunshine too.

Lily tentatively inched her fingers towards Raphaella’s cascading tresses, seeking the comfort they represented, Raphaella was kind and she was safe, she looked after her using her science. Lily loved sitting on the science officers’ lap, it made her feel important and special when Raphaella spoke science to her, (like when the others told her about things they loved too) even if she didn’t always understand it, she especially loved it when she let her play with her hair. Lily wanted to grow hers just as long.

The science officer gave Lily her warmest smile, the one she had cultivated especially for the child. “Go on little proton, I don’t mind.”

Lily gave her a smile filled with wonder that quickly turned into one of happy, soothed exhaustion. Two hands, one large, one small, each carefully combing fingers through soft hair, both knowing a singular form of peace.

It took precisely two minutes and thirty seven seconds for Lily to fall asleep under the science officer’s ministrations. Lily had never fallen asleep on Raphaella before, she wasn’t normally the lulling type, leaving it to the others when the occasion arose but this was immensely satisfying, she could now see why Jonny never really complained about holding her till she slept.

She was glad this interaction was being recorded too, it would be useful to refer back to when comparing different calming methods they all used to see which was the most effective. She had a suspicion that despite all their research, Jonny’s instinctive cuddle and rocking combination from the first night was probably the more sure-fire way to settle Lily. Not that she’s tell him of course. He didn’t need to know just what a comparably good job he was doing. The thing Lily had been clutching was likely to be a Jonny concoction too, the man was deceptively good at needlecraft, he’d mended enough of the crew’s clothes over the years when sufficiently bribed with whiskey, he’d even fixed the Toy Solider’s uniform when it got torn badly enough, complaining that he’d done so only because he couldn’t stand it moping around lamenting the damage.

He’d even carefully embroidered eyes on the thing Lily held which seemed to be some sort of geological shape. She could admit whilst in her own company only that the craftsmanship on it was rather remarkable. He’d obviously gone to some effort to make her something with crystalline accuracy in some sort of fuzzy fabric and given how tightly Lily had been holding it but she’d never seen it in the mess at meal times nor had it accompanied the child to her check-up sessions, it was her comfort-at-night object. That, that was surprisingly thoughtful of him. She smiled quietly to herself.

He definitely didn’t need to know what a good job he was doing.

Maybe a hint.

He also didn’t need to know the general positives these interactions were having on the pair of them and by extension, the rest of the crew. They would all work it out eventually and if she said anything too soon the idea would be dismissed out of hand, no, it was much better to be able to make unobtrusive observations and predictions unhindered.

Lily was beginning to grow at a healthy rate, she wasn’t back up to where she should be yet but after three months she was now making steady progress. At her last weekly check-up Lily was now projected to be back on track to reach where she should be for a healthy eight year old in the next three months. They’d successfully reversed the physical damage done to her by the three weeks of acute malnutrition but the longer effects of a lifetime of not having quite enough would take longer to mend.

Still, it felt, well, _nice_ to see her improving.

The first time she’d insisted on a proper check had been only few days after Lily had joined them. She’d asked Jonny to bring her to lab so she could get a real idea of what they were working with for Lily, exact height and weight, not to mention resting heart rate, lung capacity, bone density and a blood test to make sure everything was functioning as it should be. Lily was human so there were some basics that could be taken for granted but Raphaella wanted a solid starting point for knowing how best to reverse the damage of long term malnutrition.

She’d argued with Jonny about it for 47 minutes before he finally saw sense and agreed to bring her along. His hang ups over poor medical practice were one thing and even understandable but not to the point that it impeded Lily’s recovery.

He’d grudgingly agreed, especially when the others added their voices in assent and Raphaella assured him that she’d keep to the bare minimum of procedures to assess Lily.

Marius had argued that it was so they could help her not hurt her. Given how delicate the matter was nobody teased Marius that surely it should be him leading the investigation if he was, in fact, a doctor. As it was, they all recognised that Raphaella’s dedication to the scientific approach would probably yield better results long term. Marius and Brian advised on what she should be looking for specifically all the same.

It was Nastya who’d finally swung him into accepting the proposal. She pointed out that if they didn’t check her properly when they could have and it turned out that they’d ensured the damage done by her ship management was permanent then that made them no better than the idiots that had led her mission. A grim accolade no one wanted to earn, the more Lily talked about life on her ship the more everyone was convinced it was mission led by utter idiots doomed to failure.

She added quietly that they weren’t like their creator, that Carmilla would only be interested in tests to see how she could exploit Lily. They needed to conduct tests to work out exactly how to help Lily properly and make sure she stayed healthy and happy.

Jonny couldn’t argue with that. Well, he could. But he wouldn’t, Lily being safe and well and as healthy as she could be was too important. Kid was a bag of bones, a _mortal_ bag of bones at that and he should know, she still spent half her time attached to him and he was honestly worried by how light she was. He had very vague memories of being young except for a few key things but if he really thought about it he was sure at eight he’d been taller and broader. That wasn’t a bullshit boy vs girl nonsense thing either, he was sure he’d been taller and heavier at her age and that was with _his_ family set up. Something was wrong. Raphaella was right, they did need to check.

He didn’t have to like it though.

Raphaella wasn’t sure which of the two were the more nervous coming in to the Lab.

She made it more into a game in an attempt to settle them both, it wouldn’t do for their nerves to set up a negative feedback loop. She got them both to play catch with one of her more robust recorders so she could check hand to eye coordination and reflexes. She challenged Lily to scrunch up as small as she could then stand on her tip toes and then stand as straight and flat-footed as she could on her weighing scales.

Raphaella had Jonny pick her up and hold her as though they were posing for photo whilst she deployed the scanner for Lily’s bone density, explaining that she wanted close ups of her smiling face. It covered her dental development too.

Checking her ears and throat had been relatively easy, getting silly to pull as ridiculous faces as she could whilst trying to sing ‘Old King Cole’ worked on her throat and the otoscope was hardly invasive.

Jonny had managed to keep things light enough asking if Raphaella had found some of Ashes’ missing gold down there. Lily had been indignant and Raphaella had played along, pleased he was trying to make things easier.

The blood test was unsurprisingly a little harder of a sell.

Lily went rigid with fear when she saw the needle.

Hmm. Understandable but not helpful, it was one of her smallest ones as well.

Jonny cleared his throat, his own spine stiffening and also not taking his eyes off the syringe. “Why don’t we have a go with the stethoscope first?”

That was a surprising suggestion coming from him. Raphaella had been planning to brace herself and try to use that as a wind down but maybe there needed to be buffer. She decided to put it to Lily to decide.

“Lily, I’m not going to hurt you. I need to take a little bit of your blood to check everything is working as it should be inside you. Your blood can tell me all sorts of important things that you yourself won’t be able to tell me.”

Lily still looked scared. Raphaella found it wasn’t an expression she liked to see on so young a face. Raphaella had no problem being seen as intimidating or even down right terrifying by those who crossed her path or got in her way. That was half the fun, but on Lily? No, she didn’t like being the cause of that fear one bit. The test was still needed though.

“But you’ve got a choice,” she continued in the tone she’d already modulated especially for the child, no-nonsense but gentle, firm but soft enough to put her at ease most of the time. “I can take this sample now then use the stethoscope to listen to your heart and lungs or I can listen first and then take the blood sample but either way I need to take it.”

The child had tried to melt into Jonny, clinging to him, fingers burying in fabric and belts.

Raphaella tried not to notice that the comforting hand that was running up and down her back was trembling.

Lily turned to face Jonny. “What do you think?”

Jonny tore his gaze from the poised syringe and did his best to look relaxed and nonchalant despite the fact his heartrate had audibly trebled, “I think it’s always better to get the thing that scares you done first. Raph’s right though, she’s only doing it because she wants to make sure you’re okay inside and out. It won’t hurt, it’s more like getting a sharp pinch on your skin for a second and then it’s done.”

He didn’t mention that it was fine when blood was being taken from you rather than a bunch of different poisons being injected into you over and over again to see how quickly each one affected you and how quickly you came back. How each one burned and cramped and ripped through every single system until he was desperate for death. He was the first after all. Carmilla had to make sure her new creation was full-proof and indestructible. That he could come back from _anything._

“How do you know?”

Jonny smiled ruefully, “I’ve had a lot of injections over the years, given lots of samples too. It doesn’t hurt.” ‘ _It’s what comes after’_ remained unsaid.

“Oh.” Lily clearly thought about it, weighing up the pros and cons. She eyed the stethoscope on the science officer’s workbench. She knew how that worked at least. There was something right next to her that might make her feel braver. “If Raphaella takes a sample can, can I listen to your heart while she does it?”

Jonny was halfway to opening his mouth to say ‘no’ on sheer reflex when Lily added in a small voice, “I don’t want to watch. I don’t like blood. It goes bad and gloopy and changes colour too quickly. And it smells horrible.”

Well fuck. He could hardly say no to that.

“You won’t be able to smell it Lily, it’ll be in the syringe.” Raphaella tried to distract, she was well aware of Jonny’s dislike of anything to do with exam practice. She was actually impressed he’d not just dumped Lily on her and run, that he’d taken part so far. He had more courage than she gave him credit for, that or a greater sense of guardianship than she’d expected. Either way, he was making her job much easier and she appreciated it. 

Raphaella had tried to get a better understanding of his Mechanism not long after she’d joined the crew, intrigued by the ticking of his chest. She’d come at him with a stethoscope and woken up in the wreckage of her workbench recovering from 6 gunshot wounds.

She hadn’t pursued that line of research further.

“Still don’t like it.” Lily half spoke into Jonny’s chest and half to the science officer.

“That’s fair enough.” Conceded Raphaella

Lily’s eyes were doing the thing again. The thing where they took up half her face, she gazed imploringly up at him. “Please?”

Fuck. He really had to immunise himself against that. Later. Now though?

He swallowed. “Sure.”

Raphaella raised an eyebrow, fully prepared to snatch Lily out of his arms and rocket skywards if he looked like he was going to detonate like he did last time.

Jonny gave her tiniest nod.

This was Lily. He shook himself internally. It was Lily. Lily couldn’t hurt him if she tried. Okay, well she _could_ but she wasn’t armed right now and she _liked_ his ticking. He forced himself to watch her, to brace for the touch of the disc. He’d be ready, he’d know. If he closed his eyes there was no guarantee he’d be able to hold it together for her. This was Lily reaching to him for comfort, he reminded himself firmly. She needed him to distract her from something frightening but necessary. Lily wasn’t going to sigh and tut and then open him up.

He wasn’t strapped to a table.

He forced himself to breathe as calmly as he could, the way Ivy had shown him from one of her books when he’d taken refuge once in the earliest incarnation of the library.

He was fine, he was holding Lily. He was free to move. He was holding Lily and being reassuring because needles were frightening. He was proving it was fine. It _was_ fine.

The disc made contact.

It took everything in him not to bolt.

“Jonny, your ticking is very fast.” A little voice piped up matter-of-factly.

Before he got a chance to answer Lily had already drawn her own conclusions.

“I know I’m not a proper doctor like Raphaella but I won’t hurt you. See?” She took the disc off then pressed it even more gently against him, then rested her head on him too, trying to be reassuring.

Fucking _Hell._ That she thought she could hurt him? Like this? At all? But the pressure helped. Carmilla had never been gentle with his chest. She’d never been gentle full stop.

Lily was.

This was Lily and it was fine. He held her a little tighter. “I like this,” she spoke quietly, as if she was speaking directly to his heart but then again, when wasn’t she? “I can hear your ticking all around. It’s going slower now.”

It took two tries to speak.

“T-That’s because you’re doing a good job.” Raphaella was watching him like a hawk, despite the fact he’d drained of colour and there was a noticeable (to her experienced eye at least) tremor running through him he was still sat still and solid for Lily, making no sign that he was about to flip her workbench.

“I am?”

“Of course.” He managed the ghost of his usual grin, “I don’t let just anyone listen to me.” If only she knew how true that was.

Lily beamed at him, utterly delighted. Just as Raphaella took her moment.

Jonny was aware enough of the situation to catch Lily’s face as she turned to see the source of the sudden pinch, directing her back to look at him, the surprised ‘Eeep!’ already escaping her lips. “Keep looking this way Lemondrop, it’s alright. Keep listening to the ticking.”

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

“It’s alright,” he ran his fingers through her hair, hating that she was upset, hating that they were doing this. He’d always sworn he’d have nothing to do with anything like this but here he was. A necessary evil. “It’s alright, she’ll be done soon. You’re being very brave.” He didn’t dare rock her and risk jostling the needle so he hummed instead.

She clung to him with her other hand, with a muffled whimper but did as he asked. It didn’t hurt, not really but the idea of something being stuck in her was an idea she didn’t like. Still, Jonny had her and she could hear his ticking loud and clear and he said she was being brave so that was good. She could hear him humming Rose Red as well and she couldn’t help but relax, Jonny had her, she could hear his ticks and the humming and she could smell his _spicesmokewhiskey_.

It was okay.

She was safe.

They were looking after her because she was part of the crew, they cared about her. It was alright.

All at once there was the feel of something going away and something pressing on her arm.

“There we go, all done, good girl, you’ve been very brave.” Raphaella finished taping the small cotton gauze to her arm covering the tiny pinprick of blood.

Lily took a moment to take in the sight of her arm and then the science officer, Raphaella had been right, it hadn’t hurt. It had been scary because she wasn’t sure what it would be like and she was scared it _would_ hurt because they were bigger and stronger and braver than her and that they said it wouldn’t hurt because it wouldn’t hurt _them_ when they had to have needles in them but actually, it had been a bit of a shock but it hadn’t hurt at all and Jonny had made her feel safe all the way through and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her or let anything else hurt her anyway.

She gave a sunny smile to Raphaella.

“It didn’t hurt!”

Despite herself, Raphaella was rather pleased, she allowed a knowing grin to bloom across her face, rather than the haughty scoff that she saved for the others, “I did say.”

“You did!” Lily beamed wider.

“Well I’m glad I was proved correct. Are you ready for me to take a turn listening to you?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I just need a listen to your chest and then we’re all done. Can I have the stethoscope back?”

Lily carefully removed the buds from her ears and hand the piece of equipment back, she missed hearing Jonny’s ticking quite so loudly. She leaned against him instead.

Raphaella decided not to comment on the sudden drop in tension from Jonny the second the disc was taken away from his chest.

With gentle efficiency she had the device in her own ears.

“Can you sit up straight for a moment please?” Lily did so, “then take some nice deep breaths for me.”

Lily did the best she could.

After a few minutes Raphaella sat back, satisfied.

Her initial suspicions were well founded, Lily was almost chronically underweight and under-height but that could be fixed with care. Her lungs and heart seemed strong through and her reflexes as well as hand to eye coordination were sharp and focused, ears and throat were clear of infection too and that was the most common source of ailments for human children according to her research. Lily was a fighter and, pending the results of the blood tests had no reason not to make a full recovery. That was pleasing and definitely worth the few uncomfortable moments.

She gave Jonny a short nod over Lily’s head.

The relief in his face was something Raphaella was going to remember for long time to come. She might find him deeply irritating most of the time but he’d certainly proved himself when it counted. He was many things but could not be accused of being a selfish bastard. At least, not right now.

“Alright then, all done here. I think you’ve earned something nice.”

“Really?” Lily perked up even more.

“Oh yes.”

“What?”

“I happen to know Brian’s been busy in the kitchen with Marius.” She happened to know exactly because they’d planned it earlier, it was only fair for Lily to get some sort of recompense for having to go through something unpleasant. It was something they all wished they had had when they were young (not to mention everything that had happened since they were young).

The excited squeal that erupted was something that warmed both of the adults in the room and would certainly not get passed on to the chocolate cake bakers. It wouldn’t do to give them ideas after all.

Not for the first time they found themselves hand in hand with Lily, swinging the excited child all the way to the mess.

Raphaella came back to the present and smiled as she held the currently comforted and sleeping Lily, the child had got far more used to the weekly check-ups following the first one, it helped that her blood came back fine and healthy, no underlying issues to be concerned about so no more blood tests were needed.

She still liked to listen to Jonny’s heart with the stethoscope during the check-ups.

Jonny still endured it for her sake.

Raphaella thought that over the weeks he’d looked a little more relaxed each time.

The check-ups proved what they were seeing in real time. Lily was mending. She was putting on healthy weight and starting to grow, her skin was starting to have a glow to it again. It felt nice to have used her research and scientific approach for unquestionable good for once. She’d shared her findings with them all. The rest were pleased too. They’d made a comprehensive list of supplies with Ivy and Raph’s information that Ashes organised and sourced. Marius and Brian eagerly added more recipes to the collection and the others made a point of each eating vaguely healthy snacks every so often so as to not make Lily feel like she was the odd one out. Regular mealtimes helped too.

It was satisfying to see that improvement over time, Lily was proving to be a fascinating research study that Raphaella was very much invested in. It was also immensely satisfying that the rest of the crew was just as invested her topic of study for once. Seeing Lily grow and heal and improve was something that was having a positive effect on the rest of the crew, she’d noticed (and made notes of course) that the crew interacted more frequently and more positively usually when Lily was present but sometimes even without her there. These developments were, pleasing, to put it into layman terms. Though Raphaella wasn’t entirely sure why. It would take further investigation of course but she did have eyes, the positive interactions were slowly improving the general well-being in the crew, communal mealtimes and friendlier banter seemed to be improving moods across the board.

Most notably of course was Jonny.

His general comportment had softened a little, his violent outbursts reduced and he definitely looked like he was sleeping more regularly. Raphaella estimated his alcohol consumption had dropped by a least a bottle a night which was rather impressive, it wasn’t like the alcohol did anything long term since all their mechanisms prevented permanent internal damage, especially when one was killed far too frequently to even consider organ failure due to extensive alcohol poisoning. But still, it was nice to see him looking more, _centred_ , for lack of a better word.

Heavy boots made their appearance on the peripheries of her hearing.

Think of the devil…

Raphaella took a moment to soak up the situation, Lily had fallen asleep against her peacefully and easily as if she were her mother. It was a completely new experience but not an unpleasant one it turned out. Raphaella had enjoyed introducing the scientific process to Lily over the past three months, teaching her the basic principles of chemistry and physics and now botany since she’d set up the hydroponics lab with Nastya and Ivy. That had been a fun collaboration and all three enjoyed Lily’s delight at each seed sprouted and new leaf grown.

She’d added a whole new strand of research to her study too, the poisons and toxins of plants were fascinating and she was eager to put those to good use when the next opportunity arrived. There was always opportunity for hybridisation too. Excellent.

The heavy boots stopped right outside the lab door followed by an uncharacteristically gentle knock.

“Come in Jonny.”

The first mate entered looking annoyed at the presumption that quickly melted into relief when he saw a sleeping Lily in her arms.

The science officer gave him an appraising look. Despite the obvious panic at not knowing where Lily was Jonny still looked calmer and better rested than he had for centuries. Raphaella found she liked that look on him, he seemed far more settled, music rehearsals with everyone had become a lot more productive too, always a bonus.

She still found it funny he refused to use his ship communicator to ask the group chat where Lily was on an evening she had a late nightmare-startled wander, clearly too proud to admit he’d lost her. It wasn’t as if she could get into any real danger any more. Both the Octokittens and Stowaways knew not to touch her and Aurora wouldn’t let her get lost anywhere too dangerous. Then again, the day he did they knew it would be a serious one.

As it was the first mate was only looking marginally stressed and panicked, a whole lot better than she’d seen him look.

Jonny took in the sight of Raphaella as he entered the lab. From the lights behind her and a sleeping Lily in her arms the science officer resembled an angel that he’d seen statues of on multiple worlds, beautiful and terrible, just as he remembered the preacher talking about on Sundays when he was small. He’d seen what Raph could do to somewhere or someone that irked her and he’d come to believe all those stories.

Still, the look she was giving Lily as he walked in was something else, it was a face he knew she saved just for Lily, that slight softness, a pride in her eyes and smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Jonny knew Raphaella was incredibly pleased by the progress Lily had made both physically and with all the science lessons she’d been teaching, Lily had talked his ear off about all the things she’d made by experimenting. The physical checks were good too, in their way. Much as he hated them. If he really had to admit it, the checks were worth it, it was good to know Lily was on the right track at least, that they weren’t making a mess of her, at least not physically.

“Thought she might be here.” Came his way of explanation,

“Well congratulations.”

“She been here long?”

“Only half an hour or so.”

“Good.” He stayed curt, not wanting to give her room to rinse him more than he was expecting, Raphaella had a way with words that could cut like one of her scalpels if he wasn’t careful, most of the time it didn’t bother him but if it was about Lily and how he handled her, it tended to cut to the core of him, much to his annoyance.

“How did you lose her this time?”

“I didn’t lose her!” he snapped, “She just got up when I wasn’t around. I do check the times on things you know, she’s usually up at 11, 1 and 3 so much that you can set a metronome by her. It’s not my fault she just got up out of sequence!”

“And you weren’t in your room because?” pressed Raphaella, not giving an inch.

“Because I wasn’t!”

“Jonny,” Began the science officer in a deceptively gentle voice, “I could wake her up and make Lily ask you with her big blue accusing eyes.”

The first mate looked furious he was about to say ‘you wouldn’t dare’ but Raph absolutely would to prove a point and he really didn’t want to risk having to admit the truth to Lily, he found it incredibly hard to lie to her properly after all.

“Fine, Lily mentioned a birthday coming up some months from now and I am making something for that. Away from my room. Lost track of time. That’s it.” He ground out.

“A _secret_ something I take it?” Raphaella teased, amused to have caught him in such an obvious lie, Jonny on the whole was usually quite good at lying. He managed it effortlessly on stage after all. And he was damned good poker player.

“You won’t find it.”

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with the bits of clothing several of us have missed over the last few weeks would it?”

Jonny’s ears began to turn red.

“No.”

‘Aha.’ Thought Raphaella. But she was intrigued enough to let it stand, it was honestly rather refreshing to have Jonny do something vaguely productive outside of his musical and lyrical talents, repair work not-withstanding. There were only so many theoretical studies of chronic alcohol abuse and sleep deprivation she could observe before it got tiresome. This proved to be far more interesting.

“Alright then, well I await to see the results with bated breath.”

“Fuck off Raph.”

“I could just wake her.”

“I could just shoot you.”

“You know you won’t.”

The impotent rage on Jonny’s face was amusing to witness.

“Fine, but I fill find a way to make you suffer.”

“I look forward to it.”

He matched her feral grin, feeling like he’d at least gained somewhat of an upper hand he moved on to the more important issue, Lily hadn’t been out of her bed unexpectedly for the last month, not since she found Brian during the poker game. 

“What was it about this time?”

“Doors being rattled and banged on by enemies in the dark.”

“Oh, standard then. Good.”

“Standard? I thought they were all like this one?” This was interesting, there were others? Raphaella got halfway through that thought and froze.

Uh, Jonny realised he’d not actually shared a lot of detail of Lily’s nightmares, he passed on the basics to everyone at Tim’s insistence after she’d climbed in with him, demanding to know at least what they might have to deal with if the crew was now fair game to ask comfort from. The others had backed him up, the bastards, and he’d been forced to share a bit. He didn’t really want to, nightmares were private things after all and it wasn’t fair for him to share stuff that bothered someone else but as it had been pointed out, Lily was a child whom they all cared about, whom they were all guardians for and thus they all needed to know likely sources of upset and triggers to avoid when they spent time together, either during the day or if they happened to be the ones to comfort her at night.

He’d relented, wanting to make sure she always had some solid options for comfort. He knew in excruciating detail how unpleasant it could be to suffer that sort of fear and misery on your own. Until you learned to ignore and bury it that is.

So the others knew the basics at least, it was always the threat of attack, rattling and banging and bellowing in the dark unsurprisingly. He tended to keep the extra details to himself though, he knew how desperately Lily wanted to be seen as a ‘big girl’ by the crew. Even though there was nothing she could say or do that would actually make them think she was somehow less. Kid had endured enough and was still pretty functional, that was one hell of an achievement already. And she was stil mortal.

Sometimes her nightmares was flavoured with gunfire (though not Tim’s apparently, that sounded different according to Lily, Jonny had no idea how the hell gunfire could sound ‘friendly’ but supposedly Tim’s did-children clearly had a higher nuance of sound perception-it made music lessons all the more interesting that was for sure), sometimes it was visions of what was left of her crew, her parents dying and on one particularly horrendous night images of her parents demanding to know why she hadn’t saved them. He had mentioned that one to Marius and then the rest of the crew since it had taken the singing of the entirety of ‘Alice’ to lull her back to sleep bookended with ‘Rose Red.’

The one about her being left behind that she told to Brian was concerning, that one he had talked to the others about straight away, worried that taking her to a planet had, in fact, been a bad move. Given that that was as near as an admission to the idea he’d been wrong about wanting to take her planetside actually had them all discussing it properly with only minimal jeering. It ended up being pointed out that since it was such a new experience, even though it had been very positive, Lily’s subconscious was so traumatised it wasn’t surprising it had sparked off a different set of nightmares.

It had assuaged the guilt a little at least. He was glad she clearly had really enjoyed the visit.

“Jonny?”

He realised he’d been staring into the middle distance and not actually talking. Shit.

He refocused on her. A look crossed Raphaella’s face that he’d seen maybe once or twice before in all the years he’d known her. A hint of worry.

“Does, does she have nightmares about what we, what _I_ ,” she corrected, “do here?”

That question knocked him sideways, his initial instinctive bastard response died on his lips. This was Raphaella actually asking him, Jonny, for _reassurance_ , reassurance that what she was doing wasn’t physcologically damaging their charge. He’d never seen the science officer look unsure before. Jonny realised he had a choice, he could lie and tell her that yes, the check-ups upset Lily and he’d had to calm her down from a lot of nightmares inspired by Raph’s actions or, or he could be honest.

He thought about how genuinely devastated he’d be if one of the others told him that the reason Lily had come to them wasn’t because she couldn’t find him but that she was scared of him, that she’d had a nightmare about him because of something he’d done. He felt his guts twist. No, he couldn’t do that to Raphaella, he could murder her happily along with the rest of the crew whenever Lily wasn’t about and he’d been suitably bored or antagonised but lying about this?

He couldn’t do it.

If he stopped to think about it, there were quite a few things he couldn’t do now. All involved Lily, he couldn’t lie to the others about her, they were all in this together, more so than anything they’d been bound by previously. Jonny knew he was the primary source of Lily information but he actually respected that fact and that he should share as much as was reasonable to make sure it was as easy for the others to comfort and look after her as possible. This communal guardianship parenting thing they’d fallen into was working but it needed proper communication much as it felt like pulling teeth sometimes. It was needed so he did it. So they all did it.

He fixed Raphaella with as sincere look as he could manage.

“No Raph, she’s never had a nightmare about you or the check-ups, I think she’d settled into them, always asks me stuff about what you do in the lab so I reckon you’re fine.”

Raphaella tried and failed not to look relieved.

“Oh, well, thank you that’s, that’s preferable.”

Yeah, it is. Her ship’s done enough of a number on her, she’s been here long enough now to know, I think, that we’re not trying to fuck her up.

That seems like a reasonable conclusion. She’s not been put off by what she sees on a daily basis, between Tim’s shooting practice, TS’s stories and my science if that’s not affected her negatively then, for the moment we may remain in grace period.

“What do we do when that ends?”

“We’ll have to slowly introduce more regular elements of life on board to get her more used to things, little by little, it seems to be working so far.”

Jonny considered, Raph did have a point, last week something had exploded and whilst Lily had gone stock-still and the colour drained out of her face she hadn’t cried or outwardly panicked, instead asked Jonny very quietly if they could find out what happened, because ‘it was probably Tim trying his new canon that he had been showing her through the building process but could they go and check please just to make sure?’

So they had and it was. Jonny was feeling pretty fucking murderous but Tim had ignored him and got there first, explaining when they arrived exactly what he’d been upto, that he was sorry it went off without her there to see but the trigger had been too sensitive. He’d shown Lily the system and rig so that she understood the weapon and where the sound had come from, feeling much happier that she knew this was something to protect them and not a sign that they were under attack.

Jonny had planned an elaborate murder for Tim and braced himself for an onslaught of nightmares that never came. Well they did but it was just the usual, banging on the doors in the dark one nothing to do with Tim or his explosions. He’d been waiting a full eight days and nothing. He was beginning to suspect Tim’s approach of including Lily in the construct of the weapon really had been a big help. Clever bastard.

“Yeah, that’s, that’s probably as good a plan as we’ve got.”

Raphaella considered, Jonny didn’t have to have been kind a moment ago. But he was. She’d almost entirely forgotten what it was like to be concerned about the long-term effects of her science and she hadn’t liked the feeling whatsoever. He could have made it worse and didn’t. That certainly counted for something and definitely towards her working theory about him and his own developmental track.

“It’s probably better than what she would have in any other circumstance or with anyone else who might have rescued her. We’re all doing well with her, physically and mentally, we’re all in this together and it’s working, I can see it in my results and charts as clearly as I see it on her, against more odds than I think even Ivy would be comfortable calculating we’re improving her, as a crew, she’s healing and mending, and,” she considered her words, “you’re both the catalyst and accelerator in this compound of all of us, with all the variables.”

Jonny began to open his mouth.

“You’re good for her, my research indicates it.” Elaborated Raphaella stiffly. Being kind and gentle with Lily was far easier than she expected it to be, transversely being articulately kind to her crewmates was decidedly harder, she’d had very little practice and took refuge in her scientific terms, they always flowed more easily.

Jonny’s eyes widened at the implication of what she was saying. That it was _her_ saying it.

Still, with him, sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

Very carefully she handed over Lily to him, fuzzy rock thing and all, taking care to catch Jonny’s hand in the process and squeeze it for the briefest of moments.

She was deeply surprised to receive a returning squeeze, equally as brief.

She tried to read his face, a myriad of expressions flitted over him, shock, confusion, wariness, pride and elation before settling back to his default of ‘cocky bastard smirk’

He held Lily close a moment then allowed a softer, sincere expression to linger in his eyes, “Thanks Raph, s’what the crew’s for, everyone’s got a job with this one.”

He sobered and shifted, face returning to its usual look, his regular swagger sliding into his stance, “See you at breakfast.” He threw out his familiar feral grin without the need or will to add a snarky comment and sauntered out with a Lily tucked up against his chest who was at least half an inch taller and several pounds heavier than when she arrived.

They were working as a crew and it was mending Lily.

Not for the first time Raphaella considered the pair as they left her lab, a fond smile spreading across her face. The unlikeliness of this scenario had already cost Ivy one full notebook but the science officer could honestly conclude that she was deeply satisfied by this anomaly and looked forward to the further variables it generated.

Otherwise, what even was the point?

Smile still on her face she settled down to update her research log on the day’s nocturnal events. Her file was getting decidedly long.

Raphaella found that only pleased her more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a much longer chapter but a little a softness for Jonny and Raphaella, as a treat. 
> 
> I wanted to try and cover that the mechs are really trying to look after Lily properly and take care of her mind, body and soul and if the mechanisms themselves mend a bit along the way too, well added bonus!
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who reads this, I am thoroughly enjoying writing Lily and the crew! I will hopefully keep to posting on Saturdays but the next chapter has been giving me a bit of trouble, who ever thought archiving was an easy job?!


	6. Pageturner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has a nightmare of a different kind for a change that needs one person specifically to fix it, someone who is very familiar with storybooks and the importance of a happy ending...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Back with a new chapter! So sorry for the wait on this one, Ivy had absolutely no interest in being written about so this took some time, I really hope it was worth the wait!

Lily made her way carefully towards the Library. It was very late but she knew Ivy would still be up. Ivy was always up. Except when they had all slept together on her first night. That had been really nice. Lily hoped they’d have another big sleepy cuddle soon, it was where she felt safest. Even safer than when she was in Jonny’s arms, tucked up against his chest, listening to him tick. Which was very, _very_ safe in her opinion.

She didn’t want to bother Jonny. Not tonight. This was something she needed to do herself. She was a big girl after all. She was eight whole years old and she had to know the ending of the story. She’d dreamt about it and it had ended very badly so now she needed to know the truth of it.

She knocked carefully on the side of the open door, “Ivy? Ivy are you there?”

Lily waited a few moments before trying again, “Ivy?” She called, a little louder.

“Yes?” A familiar voice answered from somewhere out of sight.

Relief flooded Lily, “Can I come in please?”

“Yes.”

Lily stepped in very carefully looking around for the archivist. “Ivy?”

The archivist appeared from the depths of one of the stacks, assessing the nervous-looking little girl in one glance, “Given the current ship’s time and the fact that you are here unaccompanied you have had a nightmare and you cannot find Jonny?” Ivy tried to keep the mild annoyance from her voice, nightmare duty was very much Jonny’s territory and she had been in the midst of some long overdue re-stacking.

Lily sniffed, rubbing her sleeve across her face making her look even younger, her other hand clutching something grey and fuzzy Ivy couldn’t quite make out. 

“Had a nightmare, didn’t look for Jonny, wanted you.”

That made Ivy pause, brusque response dying on her lips, there was a 74% likelihood that Ivy would be the 8th choice for comfort, only ahead of Ashes given the quartermaster’s well documented dislike of physical contact.

“Why?”

“Had a nightmare about the story I’m reading, dreamt it had a very bad ending. Wanted to make sure it wasn’t true.”

Ivy considered, Lily’s bright liquid eyes were full of unshed tears and felt herself soften in sympathy. She knew that concern, usually the concern of whether the book was going to have a satisfying ending or not rather than the obvious ‘happy’ one Lily was clearly hoping for but it was the same principle. And it was deeply pleasing to see the child so invested in a book Ivy had provided.

Ivy found she enjoyed offering choices to the child, the archivist had quickly read all the English language books (Ivy was determined to get her confident in English before fully embarking on a new language since that was what Lily currently spoke and understood and she didn’t want to overwhelm her which too much information. Ivy had had several information overloads over the centuries and it had taken several of her crewmates to help calm her down and console her) deemed suitable for a young audience by the authors in her vast collection and had begun a list that detailed all the books that seemed in keeping with the child’s interests, both the emergant ones and the ones she was now getting comfortable enough to voice. Ivy had pulled out as many English language books she had on geology, with a specificity on minerals and gemstones, Lily’s eyes had lit up at the sight of so many crystals, apparently she didn’t know that they could be so many different colours. 

The interests she was discovering with the crew was a pleasure to source and support, she was one of the few members of the crew who actively sought knowledge and stories out from the library, with a few notable exceptions in recent months. The other’s reading habits not-withstanding, the archivist had added more and more books to Lily’s shelves (that had needed extra levels installing) covering a range of topics, from tea party traditions, recipes from several worlds, horse riding and non-lethal junior science to guns, galaxies and gobstoppers. Ivy liked being able to use her collection for the benefit of the crew and did so to inform them on upcoming planetary visits if she had something that covered them or hunted down more star charts and galaxy guides for the terminally curious but this was something else.

Ivy had never had the opportunity to nurture a young mind before, one with no prejudice or preconceptions other than her general sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and that if it was a fictional story she wanted there to be a happy ending. Which honestly was reasonable given how painfully aware Lily was that happy-ever-afters were not a common thing. 

As it was, Ivy knew the ending of the story Lily was reading, she could just tell her and send her back to bed but it seemed hardly fair to rob her of the experience of discovering it herself. These things, reading a story for the first time was a journey, something to be experienced, sometimes endured but always enjoyed in the end if the writing was compelling enough and made you care enough about the outcome.

Lily certainly cared enough.

Lily cared.

It was her default setting.

It was something Ivy appreciated even if she wasn’t entirely sure how to engage with it. She and Lily often sat together for at least an hour a day reading, Ivy helping her with new words she didn’t understand and having her say them aloud until she got the hang of how the word felt in her mouth, saying it clearly and in context.

Ivy was rather proud how much Lily’s vocabulary had increased over the past three and a half months, the archivist hadn’t thought much to teaching, leaving the others to come and go in their reading habits without comment or judgement so long as the books were put back exactly where they belonged and in the same condition when they were done. And if she placed a few specific books on specific easy-to-reach shelves where certain adults would know where to look when they came into the library in the middle of the night looking shaken and sleep-ruffled, well that was neither here or there.

Ivy enjoyed watching Lily enjoy reading her stories, the child had made her way through an impressive chunk of Ivy’s collection so far and the archivist had been actively seeking more child-appropriate content for Lily on each new planet they visited in order to ensure she never ran out of books for Lily to absorb, it was an excellent new strand to her acquisition quest, after all, she’d never made as diligent an effort to collect children’s stories before, there had been no real point. And if she had developed the practice of reading each book before putting it on to Lily’s shelves well, she was just being a responsible librarian.

Ivy nodded to the little girl, “Alright then, you know where it is, go and get it and find your answer, I’ll be here if you need me.”

Lily took a step forward towards Ivy then stopped herself, “Thank you Ivy.”

Lily scurried to fetch her book and settle on her usual cushion.

That was odd, Lily was often keen for physical affection, she’d developed a specific sign of affection for Ivy which the archivist appreciated since she struggled to acquiesce easily to the exuberant affection Lily asked for and got from the others but Lily’d never paused like that before.

The archivist considered, allowing a raft of calculations to wash over her, hmm… there was an 83% chance Lily felt uncomfortable about coming to library past her bedtime since that was something that had seemed pretty sacred to her and the ensuing ritual she and Jonny had developed of Lily saying goodnight to everyone she could see, taking his hand and having him tell her a story until she fell asleep, that, for Lily was the end of one day. Ivy had wondered if the distinction between night and day for Lily was important in accepting when she was ‘safe’ and when she had to be on guard from her nightmares. It was also possible with a 61% likelihood that Lily felt that she should not seek comfort when she was clearly trying to manage her reaction to this particular nightmare on her own especially given the lack of Jonny in tow. It was also highly likely (87%) Lily was keen to show her maturity in the face of a nightmare when faced with someone whom she did not interact with often when in this particularly vulnerable state.

That seemed like a foolish endeavour since the whole crew knew just how tactile Lily was after a nightmare, most of them had seen her being comforted by Jonny as he sang to her whilst he carried her around the corridors at least once, the child clinging to him like an especially sticky octokitten. More often Ivy knew Lily sought out the first mate in his room and climbed into his bunk to settle back down to sleep but there were a few nights she screeched Hell Fire or even more rarely, she was too miserable to settle which had Jonny crooning gently to her instead as he walked the corridors, the motion of his movement coupled with the sounds of his heart reassuring her that she was not alone.

It was so deeply incongruent to see this gentle side of Jonny appear seemingly out of nowhere though it was becoming a common sight which was possibly even stranger.

Even more incongruently, for some reason the child very much liked the ‘Alice’ sequence.

The others including herself challenged him on it one night after bedtime since it was hardly one of their friendlier stories, but then again, they didn’t really go in for that sort of thing full stop and he argued it was the first thing he thought to sing when she didn’t want the Rose and Cinders story again that night, he didn’t know the Cadence tale well enough and Hereward was Tim’s song.

And, he argued, he couldn’t very well sing their stories to her since they’d not actually talked to her about their Mechanisms yet. He had grudgingly admitted he’d panicked when he remembered the ending of Alice halfway through the last section and impulsively added a ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ in desperation. Thankfully, she’d just accepted it, possibly because she was just exhausted but for whatever reason, she liked it, especially Hatter and Hare.

Tim and Brian had been rather pleased about that, both thoroughly enjoying surprising her with that one dinner time as she started to set the table, breaking out into the song, dancing with each other and then with Lily waltzing around the mess table as the Toy Soldier poured tea for everyone utterly thrilled that everyone present wanted a cup. All three of them danced with it in turn as well making its smile somehow even wider.

Aurora had recorded it all and shown the others after Lily had fizzed with excitement telling the rest of the crew when they came to sit down for dinner. It had been one of the honestly most wholesome things Ivy thought she’d ever witnessed. And she’d seen a lot. Both physically and within the myriad of stories she read.

Ivy considered, she wondered if she was supposed to go and check on the child since she’d shown up obviously upset after a very specific nightmare but Ivy had no idea what she was supposed to do in comforting Lily. Ivy was not a singer, not like most of her crewmates, her music was enough to share but maybe Lily needed more? It was highly likely (68% in fact) that her statement about not wanting Jonny but in fact Ivy, was actually a cover. Not enough of a cover to mask the fact that despite Lily wanting to be seen as an adult that could solve her own problems she was very much a child still, a child who was vulnerable and upset and needed comforting post-nightmare. Something Ivy felt woefully unprepared to tackle.

She was already reaching for her communicator when a wobbly voice called out,

“Ivy?”

“Yes?”

Little feet pattered through the stacks and appeared looking even blotchier-faced.

“Are you alright?” enquired a very unsure Archivist.

Ivy knew the ending, the ending that was most assuredly happy. It was happy and good and satisfying for young readers and adults if they liked satisfying, comfortable endings. If Lily had read the ending already it should not have provoked this response. Also it was highly unlikely Lily could have reached the ending in the time that had elapsed. There were still seven chapters to go and Lily had an average reading speed of a page every 52 seconds (Something Ivy was very proud of, Lily’s reading speed had increased by 14 seconds since joining them and her confidence in reading aloud had doubled).

With rising panic her fingers inched back for the communicator

Lily held up her right hand, fingers splayed.

Ivy responded immediately, stepping forwards carefully, gently pressing each fingertip to Lily’s.

Ivy was honestly surprised the child had remembered in her upset.

It was something she did with Ivy and only Ivy when she came to read but that was always when the little girl was happy and excited.

Lily had asked her if she could give Ivy a ‘finger hug’ the second time she ever came to visit the library, three days after she joined the crew.

That had taken the archivist by surprise.

“A finger hug?” Questioned Ivy. She quickly wracked her memory files to pull up some form of record or reference to such a thing and came up empty.

“Yes.” Lily held up her little hand fingers and thumb splayed wide, “we touch our fingers together and it means we’re hugging.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t really like hugs and I want to hug you because I think you’re really nice and kind to let me come into the library and read real books even though they’re very special but I don’t want to make you feel bad by hugging you because that’s not nice or kind to do so if you like this instead then I can hug you without making you feel, um, icky.” Lily trailed off in the face of Ivy’s intense gaze.

Lily’s words, if phrased a little childishly, were deeply heart-felt.

Ivy felt herself bluescreen.

She hadn’t said a word to Lily about not being overly comfortably or confident with physical affection, Jonny had prompted Lily to ask for permission to hold her hand but that was it. She filed that away for future reference on how perceptive Lily was. The others should be made aware of this since they liked to think they were subtle.

Then again, it could be entertaining to watch them get caught out by a tiny observer.

Thing was, it was an observation that was made and then used to inform a kind action.

That was not a very common activity on board the Aurora. Or at least, not an activity anyone would ever own up to.

Ivy felt herself melt a little, it was such a simple consideration but a very welcome one. Even in the three days Lily had been on board, Lily had shown an emotional maturity that was far beyond her years, the child listened and watched the crew carefully, obviously trying to pick up on what was acceptable behaviour and responses.

Partly this seemed to be a survival instinct, Lily could, after all, be classed as prey amongst a den of predators.

Ivy had shuddered internally at that comparison, it felt wrong, even though her crewmates were epitome of dangerous they’d all made a concerted effort to be gentle with Lily, maybe more like a cub in a den of predators? That felt oddly more appropriate despite the notion of any of the Mechanisms actually having children of their own was not only a statistical impossibility from a physical perspective but one so far-removed from the general outlooks of them all to be deemed laughable.

And yet.

The behaviours exhibited so far by Jonny, Marius, Brian and more surprisingly Raphaella and Ashes (albeit from a distance) seemed to hint if not possessing buried parental instincts at least a sense of affinity and empathy. The others had yet to be truly tested however there was at least a 79% chance Tim would also begin to display elder sibling behaviours if not a full paternal instinct. It was fascinating to see.

The Toy Soldier was very pleased to have a new friend. Lily had already been seen happily playing with it in the three days she’d been on board, they’d raced past the library door the previous, day, a piping little voice shouting ‘Tig!’ triumphantly, also given how much TS loved the crew it was likely that affection would carry over to Lily as well gifting the child with a friendship that would be unbreakable. Nastya had not been around enough to observe but Ivy suspected the engineer was also harbouring an affinity with the child as well, both of them having survived (relatively speaking in Nastya’s case) the murder of her family and the destruction of all she knew.

And then there was herself.

Ivy could and was in the process of reading any and all child-rearing health books she had in her library to help out Raphaella’s research. Ivy had no memories of her own childhood, be they wants, needs or behaviours. She was 89% sure she had her passion for reading and acquiring knowledge from an extremely early age but she had not real framework to apply from her own experiences.

Ivy tried not to think about all the lost memory data of hers, and normally she could and did avoid it but there had been so much chatter surrounding the subject of reminiscence, almost all of them, even Nastya, had offered tidbits of their own long-unthought of childhood. She and Brian had taken silent solace in one another, both listening politely for a while before quietly leaving for the bridge together to enjoy one another’s companionable peace.

She focused on learning the facts as she always did. It helped to ground her in the here and now and real knowledge of the universe. She knew the vitamins and minerals required for a human child to grow well, the quantities and the various sources they could be obtained from. Ivy knew to the minute the amount of sleep needed for a child Lily’s age and that routine was apparently good for them. It especially seemed it was important to avoid Lily being allowed to become something called ‘overtired’ when small children apparently turn into some sort of armed grenade and the explosions had a myriad of options of being tearful, rage-filled or both.

Ivy wasn’t sure how the others would handle a small child that detonated like that. Then again, the first night she was with them was enough of a shock when she burst into hysterical tears over Tim and Marius being shot. That, that had been unexpected in how the others had reacted. There was a 47% chance one of them would shoot her on instinct on sheer noise alone since her cries had sounded like some sort of terrible warning siren, however, when she had appeared wailing on Jonny’s hip that chance had dropped to 7%.

Ivy had actually been surprised at the fury on the first mate’s face, she hadn’t seen him that angry since Tim had been mechanised and Carmilla had had her ‘accident’ shortly thereafter.

She had been more surprised initially at the child’s distress at Tim and Marius’ deaths, then had to remind herself that the likelihood of the child having significant trauma responses to witnessing violence were 99.9% coupled with the fact that seeing people die in her experience was a decidedly permanent event. Her ship had certainly been an _event_.

Ivy was not anywhere near as happy in conflict and gunfire as her crewmates but she was no shrinking violet, more like a knowing foxglove. She’d seen and perpetrated her share of horrible murder and destruction but there was something about Lily’s ship, something raw, the murder in her ship was gleeful even beyond Jonny’s most manic rampages. And Lily had been surviving in the aftermath for three full weeks.

It didn’t sit right with Ivy, it was something she was researching into since Jonny had spoken to them all about Lily’s desire for revenge when she was of age. She would find those who had wreaked havoc through Lily’s people.

So yes, Lily’s upset was more than a little understandable in hindsight. What had caught Ivy completely off guard had been that the child had sought comfort from all of them, she had assumed Jonny would remain the primary form of comfort eschewing all others with Raphaella taking a distant second place due the science officer wrangling the child into the shower. That too had been unexpected, Ivy would have thought that she was purely motivated by opportunity to make closer observations for her research which was 83% correct but the look on her face when she returned with Lily and Jonny to the mess there had been a softness on her face that had repeated after the incident with Tim and Marius.

Lily had wanted comfort from them all and everyone, _everyone_ had complied. She had calculated the chances being 3% at the most. But everyone, even Nastya, even herself had, at the very least, held the distraught child.

Raphaella had handed her the child and she hadn’t known what to do with her but it seemed to be enough, Lily did most of the work. It had been strange having a living, breathing creature in her arms that wasn’t an octokitten, not unpleasant per se but something she was not terribly confident or comfortable with.

And Lily had realised within three days.

And presented the ‘fingertip hug’ option.

An option that Ivy took every time the child came to visit.

Ivy had begun to enjoy the child’s company over the course of the three and half months she had been with them. She came every day without fail, knocking politely and waiting to be invited inside before offering her usual greeting, finding her book and settling down on what rapidly became ‘her’ cushion. She’d beamed when Ivy gave her a bookmark after the archivist ascertained the child tried to remember the page she’d finished on and didn’t always succeed.

Every so often she would approach Ivy to ask for help with a word and its meaning. Initially Ivy had resented the interruptions to her own reading but she always answered, the child wanted knowledge after all. After a while she began to appreciate the child’s joy at each explanation, thrilled to be learning something new. Ivy realised Lily wasn’t asking to be a bother unlike the rest of her crewmates most of the time, she was asking because she genuinely wanted to learn and appreciated Ivy taking the time to tell her.

After three weeks of observed behaviour there was an 84% chance Lily had not had overtly positive experiences with adults outside of her own parents. Nothing particularly negative but the way she responded to anyone taking time to tell her anything or answering a question she asked it was clear this did not happen often nor did she expect them to engage with her as often (read: every time she asked) as they did.

Ivy resolved to be as encouraging as she could be on Lily’s search for stories and knowledge. She found her books, began to listen to the child read aloud and always helped with new or difficult words.

Lily never cuddled up to her the way she did Jonny, Brian, Marius, TS or Raphaella or the way she started to after the whole hair brushing incident with Tim. But still. She would bring her pillow near to where Ivy was reading to practice her own literacy skills.

Right now though she was faced with a very distraught looking Lily doing the fingertip hug clearly about to disintegrate.

“What’s the matter?”

“I, I want to read the story but I’m scared I’ll get tears on it by accident, because, because they, they keep escaping and I don’t want to ruin your book but I want to know the answer!”

At this point Lily did dissolve in tears.

Ivy realised that there was a 37% chance she’d never been quite as consciously terrified as she was presented with a sobbing little girl.

“Er, would you like a hug?”

Lily sobbed and tried to swallow, rubbing a sleeve across her streaming eyes, “Are, are you sure?” she wept out.

“No, but you’re clearly deeply unhappy and there is an 87% chance a hug will make you feel better and I would like to help make you feel better.”

Lily gave her the wobbliest smile Ivy had ever seen then carefully approached the archivist, waiting for Ivy’s arms to wrap around her before sinking into the safety of warm, living adult.

Ivy felt the child melt into her.

There was an unexpected warmth that bloomed in her chest. There was an 92% likelihood she was experiencing a sense of familial bonding, she quickly compared it to how she felt when working in collaboration with Raphaella on an experiment or sitting with Brian in companionable quiet on the bridge or even taking part in a satisfactory music practice with the whole crew. The feeling was remarkably similar.

That was, surprising but encouraging all the same.

She felt like she might not end up being too poor a substitute for the first mate.

She still wasn’t sure how Jonny managed this so easily though.

It was a common enough if still strange sight to see Lily limpeted to Jonny, clinging on tightly but he held her as if he’d always been doing that, as if his arms were made to hold her, like Lily was made to fit perfectly into his side. There were many, many, many things Ivy could and did criticise Jonny for but he’d taken to this with an aplomb none of them had anticipated. Even within those first few minutes Ivy could not have predicted Jonny taking hold of the child when she ran at him. Ivy had braced to witness a child die due to long-hone instincts wherein, with a chance of less than 1% Jonny hadn’t shot her, too shocked initially it seemed then some sort of buried sense of paternity reared its head from the depths. It has been fascinating to watch from a distance.

Now Ivy was experiencing something like that without the presence and dare she admit it, _safety_ of her crewmates to take point on the interaction.

Ivy had never felt overtly comfortable around anyone since she woke up on Aurora head full of facts yet empty of memories. She found she worried often of not having the ‘right’ reactions due to her positronic brain and so limited the factors that would expose her to those situations. Books were safer, she knew what they expected from and in return there was a comforting predictability in learning. 

There was very little predictable about Lily.

Well that wasn’t entirely fair. The child was kind and loving and concerned with making sure everyone felt included in whatever was happening (that spoke volumes about the child’s existing experiences with her own shipmates but that was hardly the point at present). She wanted positive attention and was thrilled to get it, she liked to hug and be physically reassured by the others after a scare or when she was being praised.

Lily, if you broke her down to her fundamentals, was not too hard to comprehend.

She wanted to be loved.

The hard part came in that the Mechanisms did not deal readily in love. None would claim to have any real solid experience, maybe Nastya and Tim but it wasn’t the same sort of familial love. Jonny was not-so-secretly a romantic at heart (though he’d shoot you if you pointed it out) but again it wasn’t the same. They were trying their best but none of them really came from loving families, those that could remember at least. 

They were running of half-forgotten instincts that all adults of a species apparently carried coded into their beings from the earliest dawn of sentience.

_‘Protect the young.’_

Ivy, now with a sobbing Lily attached to her, felt what must be that same drive begin to stir.

A hesitant hand raised to rub carefully up and down Lily’s back.

Lily cuddled closer.

Well that must be the right approach.

Ivy continued to run her hand up and down Lily’s small back as the child cried into the archivist’s neck. After a while the tears began to slow.

“M’sorry.”

“What for?”

“For making you hug me and getting your collar all soggy.”

Well that wouldn’t do at all. Ivy might not be a fan of overt physical contact but no one made her do anything she didn’t want to.

She pulled Lily off her enough to face her, the child’s huge blue eyes looking like glowing lagoons, swimming with spilling tears.

“Now listen to me Lily, no one makes me do anything I don’t want to do, not when it comes to something like this. I am comforting you because I want to and you want me to. No one can make you hug or even touch someone if you don’t want to. The other person has to want it too. I am hugging you because you want me to and I want to help you. Understand me?”

“Y”-she hiccupped-“es.”

“Good.” Ivy paused, not sure where to go from there. She sent out a desperate burst of data requests trying to grasp any suggestions that might help.

The image of Lily sitting on Jonny’s lap at the mess table when she first joined them. Lily sat on Brian’s lap on the bridge asking him hundreds of questions about music and stars. Lily perched on Raphaella’s lap frowning in concentration as she practices plaiting her long golden waves. Lily tucked up on Marius’ lap between his violin and bow arm, humming along with the tunes he played. Lily settled on Tim’s lap smiling as the gunner carefully brushed her wild mop of tangles smooth.

Each time Lily was settled and safe and happy.

“Would, would you like to sit on my lap and I’ll read the rest of the story to you? That way we won’t risk you getting the book damp.”

Lily’s face lit up in a blinding smile.

Clearly that was the right thing to offer.

“Alright then, let’s go get the book.”

Ivy took Lily’s hand because that was also clearly the thing to do in this situation, she’d seen Lily hold hands with the others when heading somewhere together and the child had asked to hold her hand the first time she came to the library. That was bound to help comfort her.

Lily clung to her hand like a lifeline.

Ivy took in the sight of the neat spot Lily usually occupied, cushions in a tidy pile and her book in its proper place on the shelf.

Even upset she’d respected the books.

Ivy felt her chest flood with warmth.

“Alright then,” she picked up the title in question, settled comfortably in the nest of pillows that had accumulated then gestured to Lily, “come on Liliput, get comfortable.”

Lily stared at her.

Ivy stared right back, shocked at the name that had slipped from her so easily.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s the name of a town where people live whom Gulliver visits during his travels, they’re very small but kind to him.”

“Who’s Gulliver?”

“Lemuel Gulliver is the protagonist of Jonathan Swift’s adventure story ‘Gulliver’s Travels’ he’s an explorer who sails across the Oceans of Earth—”

“That’s Tim’s home planet isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Did Tim meet him?”

Ivy smiled at the question. “No, Gulliver wasn’t a real person, his story is also set roughly 500 years before Tim’s time.”

Lily considered, Ivy could see the numbers totting up in the child’s mind.

“That’s a lot.” she offered finally.

“Yes it is.”

“So he was a made up adventurer?”

“And explorer. He sailed to different islands to meet different civilisations.”

“Ooh. Did he not have a spaceship?”

“No this story was set before spaceships had been invented.”

“Oh. A VERY long, long ago then?”

“Yes.”

“Can I read it next?”

“Yes, I can find you a copy.”

Lily sniffed. “Thank you, you’re the best.” Declared Lily earnestly.

Ivy smiled again, honestly touched by the sincerity.

“Thank you. Now do you want to sit down and finish this story?”

“Yes please!”

Lily needed no more encouragement, she settled into Ivy’s lap as though she’d always been there, leaning against Ivy’s chest letting out a satisfied sigh. Ivy smelled of paper, of warm leather and the comfort of stories to be told. It was rare she got this close to Ivy, Lily savoured it as much as she could, it was very different to the rest of them, to Jonny or Marius or Raphaella but it was just as nice, just as a part of her sense of safety as every other scent of them was.

Paper, wood, resin, wild flowers, leather, cordite, oil, wool, resin, tea, smoke, spice and whiskey

It was home.

Ivy’s breath caught, she wasn’t sure how she expected it to feel having Lily in her lap, uncomfortable? Awkward? Something that she’d have to endure?

What she wasn’t expecting was a strange sense of satisfaction. There was a warmth that took root in her, the impression that what she was doing was good and right and helping.

Ivy decided to calculate the average improvements Lily had made to the crew’s individual well beings later when she could consider all the data she’d observed and listened to. Right now though, she had a story to read.

Ivy read out the voices of the characters as she heard them in her own head when she’d read the story the first time herself much to Lily’s apparent delight. Encouraged she continued adding the dramatic emphasis drawing thrilled but ever-sleepier responses from Lily until the child fell asleep three chapters from the end.

Ivy smiled with the contentment of a job well done. She had done it. Lily had come to her wanting help and she’d been able to provide that well enough that the child had gone back to sleep, happy and obviously feeling secure.

Children tended to only sleep on people they trusted. She’d read it in one of the few human child rearing books she’d found.

The archivist was deeply proud of herself.

And now Lily was asleep she could take a closer look at the fluffy thing that the little girl was clutching as she listened.

An emerald or copper oxidised geode of some kind rendered in a fluffy fabric with embroidered eyes.

Ivy felt another smile slowly bloom across her face as she realised what it was.

Jonny.

So that was what he’d been up to.

She’d caught him trying to sneak out of the library a few times two months, three weeks and five, four and two days ago, only refraining from blowing his head off because of the likelihood if she did it would be a night Lily needed comforting and she did not want to have to deal with the emotional fallout that mess would wrought.

She’d let him go once he proved he wasn’t trying to smuggle books out with him and upon investigation of her shelves the books he’d been looking at (not quite put back exactly where they belonged but he’d apparently tried) focused minerals and geology, she’d wondered want on earth he’d been up to since seeking knowledge, or reading in general was not his go-to activity.

This was apparently it.

Making an accurate depiction of a geode to render in fluff as a comfort toy for an orphaned little girl. Ivy knew Lily was interested in stones, she’d brought back half the lakeshore from their first planet visit. Several of them kept appearing around Aurora with googly or painted on eyes and smiley faces. One of the smaller, lighter, flatter ones had found their way into Brian’s hat band for a while.

But this? Taking an active interest and trying to make something accordingly? Jonny was apparently full of surprises. It was a side of him Ivy had suspected existed based on her centuries of observation but it was something he guarded fiercely as though having a soft side was some sort of shameful secret. Same went for the rest of the crew. Though, yet again, the rest of the crew also made a point not to be known for their abundance of gentleness or thoughtfulness. Except Brian and TS, (and Marius but 50% of the time he was trying to get a rise of people as well).

Until recently.

Until Lily.

Whose presence apparently was tacit permission to be kinder, not just with her because that was expected, she was a child, an innocent child they’d ended up responsible for and whilst they didn’t really know what they were doing they weren’t actual monsters in this regard, they had at a passing acquaintance with decency sometimes so they were trying to look after her as ‘properly’ as they could.

And they all did look out for each other too, always undercover of insult or secrecy-no one would ever admit to doing something nice after all but now? Well, their behaviour around Lily was clearly affecting their day-to-day interactions. Murder had been reduced to a minimum especially during ‘daylight’ hours and they’d found other, more constructive ways to harness their energies, non-lethal pranks were happening far more regularly and were being met with amused annoyance rather than murderous rage. Not to mention they’d managed to put the Verdant Hood story cycle together in record time, she was rather looking forward to performing that one. It was amazing how much more practice you could manage when you didn’t have to wait for your lead singer to regrow his bullet-punctured lungs or your string/percussion/piano players to re-grow shot-off fingers.

Ivy reflected on the status of the crew; there was a contentment that was slowly becoming apparent that had been lacking for several centuries, it was unexpected but pleasant all the same. She was going to enjoy analysing her calculations and collecting more data from the regular interactions she’d been taking part in. Breakfast and Dinner especially as sit down meals weren’t uncommon before Lily but they were now a daily occurrence, Ivy tried to remember to attend at least one meal per day, her crewmates could be intolerably loud a lot of the time but it was pleasant to talk to them sometimes.

And she enjoyed the growing sense of camaraderie rather than simple tolerance.

Thinking of.

She should probably contact Jonny.

Lily, whilst the weight of her on Ivy’s lap was comforting in a way the archivist had not been expecting it was not fair to allow the child to sleep in this position all night. The books on child growth encouraged lots of sleep but she doubted they meant in laps of immortal space pirates.

That hadn’t stopped Lily in the slightest but it still wasn’t good for her.

Ivy typed a message on her communicator, not wanting to risk waking the child.

_‘Jonny, Lily is in the library with me. Please come and collect.-Ivy’_

There wasn’t much else she could do but wait, idly glancing back through her data files to check her inventory of books suitable for Lily and adding the note that she wanted to read Gulliver’s Travellers next. She wondered if Tim had read the book as a boy since he’d started availing himself of her collection several months ago upon learning she had some of his childhood favourites.

Twenty-nine minutes later a sleep-drunk, bleary-eyed Jonny came stumbling into the library.

Ivy had to force herself not to startle.

She’d never seen him look so thoroughly, relaxedly, rumpled.

She’d seen him drunk to incoherence and passing out mid-sentence. She’d seen him sleep-deprived, strung-out furious and exhausted to the point he just shut down and dropped where he stood (usually because he’d been refusing to sleep due to the nightmares he definitely _didn’t_ experience) whenever that happened, rare as it was, Brian usually picked him up and carried him off to dump the first mate into bed.

(Although, knowing Brian it was more like he tucked him in carefully but neither of them would ever admit it)

She’d seen him nursing the sire of all hangovers across the multiverse, losing the ability to speak any recognised language of which he, like the rest of them, actually knew several.

But, she realised with a start, she’d never seen him just honestly sleepy, ‘Woken-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-working-on-about-20%-operating-capacity-I-need-to-do-something-but-I-am-on-autopilot’ sleepy.

He wasn’t dressed for any kind of engagement either. No gun, nor holster, not even a belt. Make up cleaned off his face wearing just a plain dark t-shirt, fabric greyed and worn with age and black drawstring trousers.

Pyjamas.

Jonny D’Ville was wearing honest-to-goodness to pyjamas.

He made his way over to Lily’s corner apparently instinctively, nodded at Ivy with a grateful half-smile, his face, already unguarded softened even more when he took in the sight of Lily, curled up against Ivy, one hand holding on to her waistcoat the other clinging to Gemini who was smushed up against her own chest.

Ivy found herself not daring to breathe whilst she watched to retrieval take place.

He scooped up the sleeping child with a practiced ease, Lily immediately settling against him like she lived there, barely even stirring.

Jonny’s hand lingered on Ivy’s a moment, squeezing it gently, “’anks f’lookin’after her.” he mumbled, words slurring together in tiredness before wrapping his arms more securely around Lily, taking his leave back towards his bunk.

Ivy’s stare followed the two of them long after they’d left her Library.

Well.

That. That was one of the most unexpected sights she had witnessed on board.

She’d never witnessed Jonny appear so utterly vulnerable, without his usual brashness, his loud swaggering and even louder gunshots Jonny was- Jonny was _young_ realised Ivy, probably younger than her when he was mechanised. She did some swift calculations and didn’t like her conclusions.

Well that made an uncomfortable amount of sense. Trying to seem bigger and badder than everyone else was probably a learned trait now she thought about it, forever twenty? That’s quite difficult to make people listen to you off the bat, even if you’ve got centuries or millennia under your many belts.

That Jonny was actually comfortable enough to appear like that offered two explanations, one he was starting to actually relax enough around people to allow his softer side more public outings and two, he was just so exhausted by all the nightmare duty he’d been pulling along with having to process actual emotions he was simply spent beyond all care or consideration.

It was probably a mix of both.

Ivy allowed herself a pleased smile, partially because she was glad the first mate was clearly getting something positive out of this caretaker role he’d accidentally stepped into three and a half months ago, he was looking a better of late, despite tonight's exhaustion he had been looking more rested and more, well, _complete_ and partially because she had excellent blackmail material to use to get first editions from the next twenty planets they visited.

She sighed, she was enjoying this mellowing of her crewmates interactions, though not enough to be entirely alienating but just enough to take some of the edges off, it was nice knowing that a request for people to please shut the fuck up for five minutes was less likely to earn you a bullet to the head. There was a rare peace that was becoming a little more common and helped draw her out of the library a little more regularly and that was something she felt she could live with.

The chances of a child being a uniting factor for group cohesion and to reduce the levels of ship-destructive violence would have been at a 0.001% if you’ve asked Ivy four months ago but now? Whilst she absolutely could not have predicted it she was very glad Jonny had been too shocked to react with violence back on Lily’s ship, the archivist found she quite liked having another bibliophile on board, it might be what it would have been like to have had a younger sibling.

Ivy paused, considering. That fit. Having a younger person to encourage and help shape, not a parent, certainly not, but possibly another familial bond?

Quite possibly.

Ivy smiled in satisfaction.

92% in fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading this story so far and leaving such lovely comments, I read every single one and they bring me so much joy! 
> 
> There's still quite a way to go with this story and I will update it as often as I can, still got loads of ideas for this series!
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and well, look after yourselves!


	7. Enlightening Lists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has a horrible nightmare involving a member of the crew and she wouldn't be a good and caring space pirate cook if she didn't go to check on her friend...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter! Hurrah! This one does discuss some death especially relating to immolation so please be warned for that.

It was just a dream. Just a dream. It was a bad dream and nothing else and she should just go back to sleep and it was fine. She was a big girl.

She closed her eyes.

And saw Ashes coughing up smoke and fire.

No. She had to go and make sure. She had to know they were alright. Ashes was so calm and unshakable and organised they didn’t get scared of anything but yesterday something had happened and they’d coughed. Ashes, just for a moment, had looked very scared. Then they’d shaken it off and said they were fine and were fine for the rest of the day Lily had watched and made sure and they hadn’t coughed again

so of course they were fine and it was just a silly nightmare and she was a big girl now and she knew it was a nightmare and—

Lily was already walking towards storage.

She left Gemini guarding her bed, this was a solo mission.

Ashes was exactly where Lily hoped they would be, checking through their inventories, making lists of things that were low and needing stocking up on. Lily didn’t want to interrupt them. Ashes was so sensible and organised and made sure they all had what they needed. She didn’t want to interrupt. Ashes was doing important things and she shouldn’t interrupt. They looked fine. She should go back to bed. Ashes was fine and not coughing and—

“Why y’out of bed Scrap?”

Ashes hadn’t looked up from their list.

Lily froze.

How did they know?! She been so quiet approaching the store room too. Ashes really was that om-om-omni- really good at knowing where people were.

Lily swallowed audibly. She had a very healthy respect for Ashes, the quartermaster had an air of coiled and calculated danger about them that Lily was very aware of. Oh she knew she was 100% safe with Ashes and loved them fiercely but she respected them and their boundaries to the letter, it was only fair when they’d been so clear about them. Ashes was always kind and patient with her, even if they weren’t quite sure what to say or do with her sometimes. When they smiled at Lily for reporting things she’d used that day Lily felt so very grown up and sensible. She loved earning that smile from Ashes. It was a similar smile when they took the time to teach her card tricks, tricks she could use in games Ashes taught her to play against Jonny. They both looked so proud when Lily managed to make a trick work to score card game points, it made her feel all clever and glowy inside.

Now though? Now she felt small and silly and in the way. Ashes was using the quiet night to get things done and she was interrupting and getting in the way.

She started to try and shrink into the shadows.

Ashes sighed, “Don’t try to hide, I ain’t mad. Just want to know why you’re out of bed.”

Lily sniffed, remembering why exactly she was out of bed.

Ashes turned fully around at the sound, suddenly deeply worried they were about to have to deal with a sobbing Lily on their own without a convenient Jonny to pass her off to. Tim had warned them that she might turn up at some point but they’d never thought Lily would actually turn up seeking them out. It had been four months and nothing. They’d thought they were in the clear. Jonny might be an absolute pain in the arse when he wasn’t sorting out a show, performing or setting up some sort of heist or other exciting crime spree (read- most of the damn time) but he’d proved more than worth his weight in gold (and Ashes had calculated that down to both the ounce and the gram) in how he dealt with Lily, which was whenever soggy emotions happened they could pass her on to him.

Ashes braced themselves.

“I, I,” her lip wobbled.

Oh no. Fuck. Ashes had no fucking clue what to do. The others made it look so goddamn easy. They didn’t really go in for physical affection. They had their reasons and they didn’t share but this was different, Lily wasn’t likely to try and knife them in the kidneys. Kid couldn’t even reach that far if she tried. Plus, Lily was obviously not carrying a weapon. She wasn’t even carrying the fluffy rock thing Jonny had made for her that they'd heard tell about and it was hard to assume the worst of a tiny child who looked like one good sneeze would knock her over right now. Especially when she was wearing her dragon hoard pyjama set that Ashes had quietly stolen for her on the last planet because it had an objectively cute dragon curled up asleep on a vast pile of multi-coloured glittery gems. Partly because Lily liked gems of all kinds, partly because a lot of the gems had sleepy faces too and it was adorable though they’d never admit it also partly because the kid had actually grown a little bit and that was a damn good reason celebrate but _mostly_ because it always got a shitload of glitter on Jonny whenever she wore it.

Right now though Lily looked like she was about to disintegrate and there was only sure-fire way to deal with that before it got really bad.

And Ashes liked the kid enough to offer.

They sighed internally, already hearing Jonny cackling in the back of their head.

Payback really was a bitch.

“Do, do you want a hug?” They offered nervously, worried more for getting it wrong this time rather than being surprised by Lily. Kid had actually been really considerate and thoughtful as soon as they’d explained not liking being touched unannounced.

Lily threw all caution to the wind, Ashes had offered so that must be alright and nodded her head so hard it was a wonder it didn’t fall off.

Well, they couldn’t back out now. They just hoped they were half as good as Jonny, kid was pretty tolerant after all. “Alright, come here Scrap.”

Lily fought every instinct she had to just throw herself at Ashes like she did with some of the others. Instead she walked carefully towards the Quartermaster and slowly raised her arms.

Ashes appreciated the restraint the kid was showing. They gently scooped her up and settled Lily against their chest. ‘Scrap’ was an appropriate name, there had been almost nothing to Lily when she joined them, she had just about cleared three foot in height and couldn’t have weighed much more than two stone. In other words kid was dramatically underweight and under-height which was partly the reason Ashes had been working with Raphaella, Ivy, Marius and Brian specifically to make sure that they had the most nutritional food stuffs in stock to ensure she started gaining healthy weight. Which thankfully she was now doing, it had taken months but kid was now on the right track. They might be immoral, immortal, murdering, musical space pirates but they were not neglectful goddammit. If Ashes had been able to have met the ones in charge of Lily’s ship supplies and management they would have shot them on sight. Or just set them on fire. Kid was underweight, long before the raid. Even they’d not been that bad in the orphan house. Then again, Ashes had learned to steal pretty much as soon as they gained a semblance of control over their infant limbs, they got good at stealing from markets, timing when eateries discarded their leftovers and fighting the others for a meal. It had kept them alive after but all of these weren’t options that had been available to Lily.

It was why Ashes had gently started to teach the kid sleight of hand, Lily needed some hustling skills, it’d set her up for life and it was the least Ashes could do to ensure the kid had a solid chance.

Jonny was very much involved in ‘let’s get meat on Lily’s twig bones’ plan, just because whilst he didn’t go into the science of it all he knew how kids were supposed to look and Lily was little bag of sticks. His New Texas roots had made a rare appearance, every so often he’d forget himself and comment how Lily wouldn’t be able to lead a hoglet far let alone handle the herd for long. He was unsurprisingly also very much on board with the ‘murder all the idiots who thought this pioneer plan was a good one without half a clue of how to do it well’ wishful thinking.

Ah well, as it was, having Lily in their arms and realising they would probably hold her all day one-armed and not really notice just steeled their determination on continuing to get the best stuff assembled. They had plenty of gold to hand anyways, might as well use it for a good cause. 

“Wanna tell me what the matter is? You have a bad dream?” prompted Ashes carefully.

“Yes.”

Excellent, that, that was good start. Ashes, like the rest of the crew was well aware of Lily’s regular night terrors, Jonny had spent the majority of the last four months with a small child attached to him during the early ams, the hours collective known to cover the range from ‘Fuck Off’ to ‘Absolutely Not’ O’Clock. It was always good to know exactly what they were dealing with. If it was _bad_ bad then they were not above marching right through Aurora to find the first mate who had apparently fucked off again during Nightmare Duty. Bastard.

“Okay.” They took a breath, bracing themself, “Wanna tell me what about?”

“You.”

Ashes short-circuited, “What?”

Lily took a deep breath, “I saw you cough yesterday and you looked scared and you’re never scared, you’re big and brave and organise everything really well and you’re really clever with cards, even cleverer than Jonny and then you were fine but I dreamt you were coughing up smoke and flames, like one of your lighters had gone wrong and I just had to come and check make sure you really were okay. I’m glad you are!” Her eyes began to widen when she realised she’d been invading Ashes’ space when they were just trying to get on with their quartermaster job, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you!”

Huh. That. That was a lot. Ashes was pretty sure she managed that whole spiel on one breath too.

Lily was still caught up with worry over Ashes though.

“Are you really alright?”

The Quartermaster was still reeling, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine Lily, just give me a minute. That was a lot you told me very fast.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Lily bit her lip, looking trying to contain all the rest of the questions that were bubbling up inside her in the face of Ashes looking stunned.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” The quartermaster tried to soothe.

It was not fine. How the hell had she picked up on their minor coughing fit? How the hell had she picked up that it had scared the shit out of them, just for a minute. It happened every time they coughed. They never got used to it. One cough and they were back in Mickey’s trap and they were twenty three, terrified and dying all over again. It was very un-fucking-fair that Lily picked up on that single moment and even more unfair that the kid was worried for them. Kid was thirty five pounds soaking wet and here she was all worked up about them when she should be entirely concerned about continuing to get more meat on her bones and a growing spell or seven.

Why did they have to end up with such a nice goddamn kid?!

“Ashes?” prompted Lily nervously.

“Yeah?”

“You’re not saying anything and your eyes are really far away.”

Ashes forced themself to focus back on the child in their arms, “Sorry Scrap, just thinking.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Fuck, they’d not told her about their mechanism. Shit, actually, thinking about it, Lily didn’t know about _any_ of the crews’ mechanisms. They’d decided as a group that they’d tell her when she was a bit older, when she asked again why they ‘came back’ since right now kid just accepted them as they were, that Tim’s eyes changed colour depending on what he was doing and using them for, that Jonny ticked, that Nastya was always cold, that Brian was entirely fucking metal or that the Toy Soldier was, well, there. Kid didn’t even question why Marius had a metal hand or why Raphaella had wings. She just accepted them wholeheartedly. She probably thought Ivy was just naturally super smart but then again, fair, she did come from a library world, Ivy was probably clever as all fuck regardless of her mechanism.

Fuck. What the hell were they supposed to say?! Ashes took a steadying, thankfully easy breath, well, if they fucked it up Jonny could fix it. Even if that was the weirdest sentence that had ever crossed their mind.

“Yeah, well, sometimes I get a cough, I had a spell a long time ago when I coughed and coughed and couldn’t stop for a long time.”

“That sounds scary.”

“It was.” And wasn’t that the understatement of the goddamned century. Ashes had been fucking terrified. They knew what it was like to have the insides of their lungs scoured and try and try to pull more air in but nothing comes and you’re drowning in mid-air with nothing but acrid air burning the life from you, all the tendons in your neck twisting and tightening, constricting everything, filling your nose with the stench of your own flesh and hair incinerating.

“But you got better?”

“Yeah. I got help.” And the 2nd place award to understatement of the century goes to…

They realised when Lily continued to watch them expectantly they had to carry on and explain further, “But sometimes, something will just catch and I’ll cough and I’m reminded of that time, just for a second and it scares me but then I’m fine. So I swear Lily, I’m fine now.”

Lily stared at Ashes for a solid thirty seconds looking for any sign of insincerity to be addressed and comforted.

Ashes had no idea they could be held in place by such young eyes, Jonny was right the bastard, she did have a look that had her eyes taking up half her face. Last time Ashes saw a pair of eyes that colour they belonged to a broken war veteran, facilitator of localised Armageddon who’d never slept a peaceful night in twenty years.

Ashes thought they’d felt moved then, not moved enough to outright help them but enough to tell them what they really needed to know. It wasn’t Ashes fault they didn’t really listen to them, they got where they needed to be in the end, they got to be reunited finally Ashes was glad of it if they were honest with themself. Ulysses had got their peaceful ending at last.

Before Ashes burned the city to a crisp.

Whole rotten thing deserved their flames, it was a cancer and didn’t deserve to breathe after they’d had their fun. It had been entertaining to murder the Olympians first though, make sure they knew their world was ending by Ashes’ hand. The one they never respected, not truly, thinking the Acheron was beneath their care, thinking they were so untouchable, so above everything. Ashes knew that feeling, knew what it was like. Knew that sense of power. But they were all one missed chemical away from death. Not like them. Not like their crew.

The Olympians made themselves a house of cards.

And cards burned delightfully.

And despite all of that it turned out Ulysses had nothing on Lily in the stare department apparently.

Ashes realised with a thrill of terror that they were unlikely to be able to bare face lie to her when she looked like that. There was something about being faced with genuine concern from an innocent face that cared that stripped all of their natural defences.

They were completely fucked.

Ashes held their breath and stare that bit longer.

Whatever was on their face was passed muster, Lily settled down again.

“Good, I’m glad. I was worried about you.”

That. That made Ashes pause. They knew that academically, Lily was a caring kid, she cared about them all, she got worried over hurting TS by hugging it too hard sometimes for fucks sake. But still, having someone say that? Out loud? And _mean_ it? 100%? Kid was too much for words sometimes.

“Thanks Lily, I appreciate it.”

“Can, can I hug you tighter please? Just for a minute?”

Ashes swallowed. Kid was literally in their arms and she was still asking to increase contact rather than just assume and do it. She was fully prepared to be told no too. She was too good for any of them. Ashes wouldn’t have said no anyway at this point but given the circumstances, having a hug right now actually sounded pretty good.

“Yeah Lily, yeah you can.”

Lily beamed and shuffled upwards to wrap her arms around Ashes neck, leaning in closer to cuddle in and breathe in Ashes smoky scent, it was sharp and bitter with an underlying scent of something chemically, not Raphaella’s science chemicals, and it wasn’t quite Jonny’s whiskey, it was something else, something louder, something that could whisper but it really loved to roar when it could. It wasn’t like Jonny’s _spicesmokewhiskey_ but it was still nice.

Ashes took some comfort from the weight in their arms, that Lily was there because she was worried about them. That she had had a nightmare about them, not that Ashes was frightening or had done something to scare them but that Lily was scared _for_ them. That she cared enough to be worried about them, to have seen them coughing and it was worrying enough to spark an actual nightmare because she cared about them.

That was a lot.

Ashes knew tangentially than Lily cared for them all, they knew that Lily was a kid that loved easily. She loved _Jonny_ for fuck’s sake. Any fucker could tell that. But Ashes hadn’t considered in real terms that that love and care and affection extended to the rest of them. It clearly did. They just hadn’t really equated it to themselves, they didn’t make much effort to really engage with Lily, they didn’t give her the physical affection that the kid obviously needed so they just assumed Lily didn’t quite have the same esteem for them as the others that spent time with her.

They only really spent time with her to make sure she had some important skills they didn’t entirely trust the others to impart, Jonny would teach her cheat at cards but they were far better at cheating. They were born to it after all.

So that was their relationship, strictly business to their mind.

Apparently not.

Lily was just as affectionate and invested in Ashes as the rest of the crew.

Huh. It was new information that Ashes felt they should have probably known for a long time.

It wasn’t as cloying as they expected it to be having Lily cuddling up to them. After Mickey they were extremely guarded, Mickey had betrayed them after twelve years of loyal service and being included in the wild family that was the Lucky Sevens. He’d turned on a dime, cut them loose as soon as it was convenient. Carmilla had been _choice_ with the truth of what Mechanisation entailed and Ashes had been too desperate, too hurt, too scared and too full of burning need for revenge to really absorb the consequences until it was far too late.

Trust was dangerous, trust hurt and it sure as fuck got you killed or worse.

And yet.

Here was this little girl who’d seen and lived terrible things beyond what any child should see.

And she trusted them all.

A bunch of murderous space pirates. Maybe she didn’t have much of a choice in that since there wasn’t another option but she could have run. She could have taken herself off into the vents the second Jonny put her down or when she got new clean clothes and lurked and lived with the Octokittens, only coming up to steal food. But she didn’t. She stayed and trusted and loved.

Ashes began to see their crew in a different light. Shifting from people they lived with and made music with that they tolerated and had a few good times with to come into better focus as what they really were, a family. They were one hell of a dysfunctional family but a family they were.

They had been for a very long time.

They hugged Lily back to cover their hard swallow to get themselves under control.

“So you want to go back to bed?” That seemed liked a safe and responsible thing to ask.

Lily shook her head against Ashes’ neck. “No.”

Fuck, what were they supposed to do with her now? Ashes paused, considering. Then an idea hit, Lily liked to help after all.

“Alright, wanna make yourself useful instead?”

“Yes please.”

“Right, well I’m doing an inventory of this store.”

“Counting all the things?”

“Yeah counting all the things in this room.”

“I’m good at counting!”

“Glad to hear it.” Actually, Lily kept the list in the food store diligently up to date. It was weirdly heart-warming to have someone actually do something for them just because it would make their life easier. Seeing Lily’s careful handwriting punctuated with smiley faces and little flowers never failed to quirk a smile out of them.

Ashes carefully put Lily down.

They settled into an easy rhythm, Ashes consulting their list, calling out the item and Lily finding out it, counting aloud for Ashes to record. The quartermaster had to help the culinary officer to sound out some of the more complicated names but they got mostly through Ashes’ list before Lily began to tire.

She pushed on for another twenty minutes before she started to obviously droop.

Ashes decided to be kind, kid got out of bed to check they were alright after all when she absolutely did not have to. And she’d helped with in the inventory.

“C’mere Scrap.”

“Wha?”

“We’ve got the list finished, wanna come double check it with me?”

“Can-Can I sit on your lap?”

“Sure.” Ashes knew exactly what they’d signed on for this time and were expecting the question. Lily LOVED sitting on people’s laps, didn’t matter who, she just loved being sat on someone she could easily cuddle up to. They’d never admit to paying attention but it always warmed them a bit inside to see their crewmates, to a person, melt a little when they got a small space occupier. Even TS managed to look utterly thrilled even though its expression never changed. 

“Okay then,” she yawned, “yes please.”

Lily walked carefully over to Ashes, trying not to let on how excited she was about this rare contact with the quartermaster and waited till they said it was alright.

Ashes hoisted the little girl up onto their lap, Lily sat politely still.

“Go on Scrap get comfy,” sighed Ashes, ruffling Lily’s hair encouragingly as the little girl settled against them having had permission.

Lily lasted all of five minutes before Ashes felt the tell-tale slump against them.

Allowing a small smile to spread across their face the quartermaster continued to finish their listing.

After another thirty minutes or so Ashes completed the current inventory one-handed they sighed and considered what to do next. Lily was out cold, cuddled up against Ashes’ chest, clinging to them like they’d always been there. Ashes felt another pang, they remembered being cuddled like this when they were smaller than Lily by one of the older orphans. There was an unspoken rule that the older ones looked out for the younger ones at night because no one else would. 

For the first time Ashes felt a stab of regret for joining Mickey when they did. At eleven they counted as an ‘older one’ but never comforted a little one before leaving. They kept themself to themself, no one else really got the joy of flames like they did and the one time they managed to get something that was supposed to be ‘inflammable’ to burn beautifully and they were so damn proud of themself the friend they’d brought along panicked and snitched.

Ashes didn’t trust anyone in the orphan house after that.

It wasn’t worth the beating and loss of meal privileges for the week.

They embraced their new family wholeheartedly without a single backwards glance and accepted being the youngest once again with all the freedom to burn whatever they wanted.

Before they learned to be truly wary of touch; that a friendly clap of the shoulder could turn into an easy stab to the gut if they weren’t careful. Ashes learned to be on their guard at the orphan house but their awareness trebled in the Lucky Sevens. They’d never shaken that caution off.

They hadn’t really thought about it for centuries.

But maybe, maybe they might have liked being the one to comfort the little ones every so often. This was nice and it was nicer that Lily trusted them so much. She trusted them all but it was nice to have it confirmed, it definitely meant someone trusted you if they fell asleep on you. It was why the cuddle pile the first night Lily arrived had been nice. They’d not slept so peacefully like that for years.

All of them together like that had been actually pretty brilliant.

Not that they would admit it.

And anyway, they should probably head to bed and do something with the tiny child sleeping on them. Ashes didn’t want to wake her but they also didn’t want to take them to their bed. That was not an option. Trust was one thing but bed-sharing was next level and something they weren’t willing to stretch to yet. But putting Lily back in her own bed alone probably would wake her up and they’d be back to square one.

It took them roughly three seconds to make a decision.

Carefully Ashes rose gracefully, holding Lily tightly, waiting to see if there was any change in the sleeping child.

Lily snuffled closer.

Ashes refused to melt at that.

Deciding to focus instead what that meant- it was safe to proceed, Lily was out cold and unlikely to wake. They’d seen Jonny carrying her about, swaying with the motion and singing and the kid was dead to the world. They could absolutely get away with getting up.

Ashes hoped it was late enough for no one else to be up and about, and if they were they would deny everything and burn them for good measure.

Ashes made their way straight to their destination.

Jonny’s door wasn’t locked.

Jonny’s room wasn’t empty.

Just as they’d expected.

He’d been sleeping more regularly over these past four months, in his actual bed of his own accord, not passed out in the mess or having to be put to bed by Brian. Apparently being a comfort blanket for an eight year old orphan was clearly doing something for him, they’d never seen him this well rested, or this honestly exhausted. Emotions were hard and draining one of the many reasons Ashes tried to keep theirs under wraps. But they had to hand it to the kid, they’d not seen strung-out, post-nightmare Jonny roaming the corridors looking for a fight for a while. Every time they had crossed paths late at night Jonny was either crooning to Lily or screaming with her as they charged up and down hand in hand.

It was strange but Ashes thought that he looked as comfortable doing that as he was on stage or shooting people. Maybe even more so.

Ashes took a moment to regard their crewmate, friend, if they really had to admit it, best friend if they allowed themself to be sentimental in their own head for hot second. Jonny _got_ the joy of cards and whiskey and truly satisfying arson in a way that nobody else did. Which meant they were willing to put up with a modicum of his bullshit, he’d been the one to light them a cigarette when they’d first awoken on the Aurora after all, helped them find their feet and breathe through their first few panics when they remembered the betrayal of smoke curling in their lungs. He’d helped them find the gasoline for Malone. He’d tried to keep Carmilla’s hands off them.

Sometimes, just sometimes, he’d get a pass.

He looked different when he was asleep, so much younger, like the years had melted off him, without all the swagger and bluster and rage he looked even younger than they knew themselves to have been when Carmilla got their hands on them. Huh. It was something Ashes had never really considered before, they always assumed he was older when Carmilla got him. Much older.

Anyway, they didn’t have time to ponder. 

They had a child to deposit.

Ashes, using their other hand, deftly drew back the blankets covering Jonny. In a demonstration of how much had changed in four short months (or were they the longest four months in centuries?), instead of waking in a furious roar of confused gunfire and recrimination he snuffled in his sleep, calm enough to just pull back from them to chase the retreating warmth of the blankets, trying to burrow further into the mattress.

It would have been almost cute if you were into that sort of thing.

Very gently the quartermaster placed Lily onto said mattress next to the slumbering first mate.

It was like putting two magnets in close proximity, the second Lily was on the bed she was unconsciously seeking Jonny, shuffling towards him. Jonny for his part, the moment the mattress dipped with the weight of a second body his arm reached out for her, wrapped around her and pulled Lily into his side, safe and protected against the world. Neither showed any sign of anything other than a final settlement, a contented sleep knowing everything was as it should be.

A cub safe in the den once again.

Ashes allowed a small fond smile to form as they took in the sight, Jonny D’Ville, killer, renegade, liar and thief, and human(ish) teddy bear for an eight year old orphan. The universe was, by and large an uncaring cold expanse where not even a grain of justice or fairness could be found but sometimes, just sometimes, it threw things together that worked.

The two were good for each other. Ashes surprised themselves with how much it pleased them to see both occupants of the bed improve. How much they liked to see everyone in the crew take on a brighter, soften sheen.

Sometimes amidst all their violence and cheating and flames it was good to have something else. Something they could share.

They were glad it was this and what it had become.

Ashes pulled the blankets over the pair of them, leaning down to press a featherlight kiss to Lily’s wild hair.

Because they could.

It felt right and no one could see them and no one need know. They didn’t need to know it was something they’d longed to feel in the orphan home, someone tucking them in with a soft kiss goodnight. Ashes would burn themself to their namesake before they’d own up to that fact. It didn’t stop it from being truth though, nor that they were glad they could do that for Lily. Kid was affectionate after all, she clung to anything that was offered.

They sauntered out confident that no one had witnessed anything and that was fine.

As Ashes headed for their own bed, Aurora considered her collection of images from that evening. There were some very choice ones of Ashes rocking Lily, working whilst they held her and carrying the sleeping child through the corridors, all the way to tucking her and Jonny back into bed together.

These would be perfect to add to the album Aurora was compiling for when Lily came of age.

And for blackmail purposes. Naturally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another nightmare another Mech involved! I hope this was satisfying for you all! Just a quick note, the next chapter might take a while, I do have it outlined but a certain engineer is being as elusive as our lovely archivist was! Fingers crossed I'll track down the right vent soon enough!
> 
> A huge thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this fic so far, you're all absolutely brilliant and I'm so grateful, your feedback keeps me writing and posting!


	8. Lying in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily has an impressively bad nightmare and needs some First Mate reassurance. Jonny however is dealing with something that Aurora would very much rather he resolve while the opportunity has presented itself so she takes it upon herself to sooth Lily with help from her love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, I apologise for the wait, this was a chapter that did not want to be written but finally I have persuaded it into behaving and I present the latest instalment of Night Terrors! 
> 
> Please note I have updated the tags, there is some discussion of several backstories in this chapter. I feel I should also note that whilst I love all the different interpretations of Dr Carmilla in the fandom I personally, for this fic series (and pretty much everything Mechs related I've written so far) have subscribed to the 'very twisted mother figure who actively abused all the mechs she came into contact with'. Sorry to all of you who love her! But yeah, she doesn't come out well in these stories.

Jonny wasn’t in his room. 

It was late, well, it felt late but he wasn’t in his room. That was rare, he was normally easy to find. Only sometimes he was doing something else. But still, she’d had a bad dream and she wanted him to tell her it was alright. He was very good at it, when he said things were alright she believed him. He gave really good cuddles too. She liked sleeping in with him when she got really scared, he made her feel safe and he kept the bad dreams away for the rest of the night. 

It hadn’t been a _horribly_ bad dream, or at least, not as horrible as they were back on the ship but it was still a _bad_ one, one with screaming and blood and accusations. She wanted him. Wanted to know that it was just her brain telling her lies again. The bad ones couldn’t hurt her anymore and they weren’t hiding on the ship anywhere and her people weren’t cross with her for leaving them behind to live with the Mechanisms. Jonny knew a liar when he saw one he said, he knew a lie when he heard it too so he could tell her that it was just a bad dream and nothing more. 

Nothing to be scared of. 

Lily hummed unhappily, trying to think of where to look. She could wait for him, but she didn’t want to be on her own that long. If she was looking for him then she was doing something to fix it herself. 

She carried on humming, the corridor was quiet but hummed a little bit in response. 

Lily didn’t really notice the change in pitch of it as she wandered along, too preoccupied with a lurking nightmare and looking in each and every door along the way. 

She was so busy investigating the doors to the side she didn’t notice the access panel open at the end of the corridor, when she emerged from the latest room she just assumed it was another open door. Lily wandered in, her search for Jonny far too important to worry about the possibility of getting lost. 

Aurora knew exactly what she was doing. She recognised the child’s humming and responded in kind. The little one was sad, sad and scared and missing someone. Missing Jonny. 

Lily had woken up after tossing and turning and crying out. 

Aurora often watched over the little one, making sure she had someone looking in on her. She often pinged Jonny’s communicator to warn him if it looked like Lily was having a particularly bad one. They’d been increasing in number recently. More crying and screaming from the child which was something Aurora hated to see. 

She liked Lily, the child was bright and made her crew smile, bringing some sort of lightness with her when she laughed and smiled and danced. It made the darkness of her dreams all that more stark. 

Aurora had got into the habit of alerting Jonny whenever he was awake and he would always go to comfort the child wholeheartedly without a single hesitation, but she drew the line of when he was sleeping. 

She knew her love worried about the first mate, the fact that until Lily he’d been slowly getting colder and harder and wilder. More trigger happy, heavier drinking and going for weeks without sleep. She was worried his descent into extended self-destruction would be irreparable but each time she’d tried to broach the subject she’d been rebuffed as though he had no idea what she’d been talking about even if this had been going on, bit by bit, for centuries. 

With Lily joining the crew it had forced Jonny into altering his behaviour pretty drastically, and to a lesser extent had forced the entire crew too. They were now trying to avoid murdering each other outright, violence in general had dropped to a bare minimum because no one wanted to make Lily cry the way she had on her first night with them. That had been horrific, and whilst they may all be bastards of the highest order, they may be entertained by war and death but they weren’t complete monsters and they didn’t enjoy listening to or worse, being the cause of a child who obviously adored them sobbing her little heart out. 

Lily, latching on to Jonny as she had, had thrown real, serious and immediate responsibility into his lap. But instead of bolting or imploding like almost the whole crew had expected him to, he rose to the challenge. Nastya and Aurora however had hoped the child would have this affect on him, she’d seen Jonny long before the others had been forcibly added to the crew. She knew far more of how he worked, how much he cared. 

Lily gave Jonny intrinsic permission to care, loudly and openly without a shred of derision or the threat of punishment for caring. She was a little girl who needed love and reassurance and surety. And Jonny provided it, unconsciously most of the time, she was a priority to him and so he gave her his attention and did what he could to make sure she was alright. 

It had pleased Aurora and Nastya no end to see how much Lily reciprocated that even without truly understanding the extent of it. 

Jonny even had somewhat of a routine now, he was forced to talk instead of shooting his way out or he could just leave the room without blowing up if things were too much. He was starting to practice sharing his real thoughts and feelings, both ship and engineer were deeply amused that such an accomplished liar found it impossible to really lie to Lily, omitting some truths until she was older excepting, he answered honestly to any question she asked. Then again, so did the rest of the crew when she had a question, no one had really learned to withstand the eyes yet. 

He put her to bed at night and often woke in the morning to her snuggled against him. He’d eased off on his drinking for the most part, wanting to be semi-sober to deal with any bad nightmares and he’d slept more in the last four and half months than he had in the last four years. 

Aurora was pleased to see that when Lily joined the first mate in his bunk both occupants slept more easily and peacefully. 

Which was why Aurora was loath ever to wake him. 

This time however, Jonny was not asleep. 

Aurora happened to know exactly where he was, he’d got swept up into a spirited argument with Tim about something that was long overdue and needed settling whilst the ceasefire was in place. Aurora would be tempted to eject them both into space if they attempted to hash this out with their usual methods, she nearly had done the last time this was broached several centuries ago. That time Brian and Ivy had killed them both before they got dangerously destructive. 

They needed to actually argue and resolve things without murdering each other for once so she steered Lily away from that cathartic nonsense and guided her instead down to her love who’d been a little despondent of late and could probably use the affection Lily gave freely to anyone who wanted it. 

Lily wandered guilessly down into the depths of the starship, humming along in tune unbeknownstly with Aurora. 

She was just beginning to get worried that she was really very lost when she heard some familiar muttering up ahead. 

“Nastya?” 

The muttering stopped. 

“Nastya?” She called again, a little louder this time. 

“Маленький?” 

“What?” 

There was more muttering which quickly flipped to English. 

“Lily?” 

“Nastya? Where are you?” 

The engineer appeared from the other side of a service hatch. 

“What are you doing down here?” She looked about for an accompanying Jonny, surprised that Lily appeared to be on her own, “You should be in bed.” 

Lily suddenly remembered why she was here in the first place. 

“Had a bad dream, wanted Jonny but I couldn’t find him.” The child sniffed, rubbing at her eye with her sleeve. 

Sometimes it struck Nastya all over again just how young Lily was. When she was up and bouncing with the crew it was almost easy to forget, she was so full of life and smiles, bringing out what could arguably be described as the best of them that it was very easy to equate them all together, like she just belonged and fitted in as if she’d always been there. 

Especially since they’d all tried hard to curb their more violent instincts around her. 

Right now, Nastya was painfully reminded of her own young self. 

The engineer was never entirely sure exactly how to handle Lily, her own childhood was so very different what Lily had experienced so far both on her own ship and with them. She was free with her affection and care with them all which was surprisingly pleasant after a fashion. 

It had taken Nastya a while to get used to Lily’s exuberant love for the crew, for their lives and especially for her own love, Aurora. Lily had accepted the two of them without a single qualm, only asking Nastya how she communicated and if she could learn to say hello too. 

That, that had stilled her. 

Jonny had learned enough to interpret Aurora’s clearer messages, as had Brian to an extent given he was her pilot and they needed to work together, Ivy and Raphaella, the latter pair inspired by curiosity. Tim too, knew some of her simpler sounds, mainly due to his first few weeks conscious it took him a while to get used to his new multileveled-vision. He kept his eyes closed when he was too overwhelmed. Aurora had hummed to him in the darkness of those confusing weeks because he was nearly as young as her Nastya and Jonny, another boy gone to war too soon and seen too much. 

Brian had an understanding because he felt something of a kinship with her, sentience encased in steel and brass and Jonny because he’d been there the longest, Aurora had done her best to help him when it was just him, when he’d won her from the soldiers but before he and Carmilla had brought on board her love when he was actually, truly, young and lost, scared and very betrayed. She’d hidden him when she could and he’d learned which of her noises meant that she was pleased, annoyed or was offering comfort. 

Aurora had told Nastya that she had composed a lullaby for each of the crew but only a few of them actually noticed. She was still working on one for Lily whilst Nastya had an entire anthology dedicated to her composed over centuries, each created to show her love for her engineer. 

Lily had asked in her second week about Aurora, found out they were in love and beamed. Then asked about talking to her. Lily was still learning, it took a while to get past the basics of different sounds and she wasn’t confident talking to Aurora on her own truly. Nastya had explained that it didn’t matter that she couldn’t understand Aurora’s replies and that she could talk to her anyway. Lily had argued that that felt rude to just talk at someone and not be able to listen properly and be equal. 

Nastya had made the mistake of saying she should sing to her instead then. 

Lily had taken this to mean sing-everything-you-want-to-say-to-Aurora-instead-of-speaking-it. 

It was unbearably cute sometimes. 

Not that she would admit to deeming anything ‘cute’ to anyone but Aurora. 

Aurora had cooed to Nastya about it for three full weeks when it first began, telling her of the stories Lily sang to her in her room. Lily sang to her telling Aurora all about the tea parties with the Toy Soldier, listening to Marius play, reading with Ivy and shooting with Tim all to tunes of her own devising. She sang of science experiments with Raphaella, star charting with Brian, cataloguing and card games with Ashes, all the story telling and cuddling and nightmares she shared with Jonny and mending things with Nastya all rendered with the same piping little voice that showed definite promise. Aurora was delighted to be told things rather than it be assumed she knew anyway, Lily was aware Aurora was the ship and she was alive but whilst she knew Aurora could see everything theoretically, for Lily she was a person who just wasn’t in the room rather than actually _being_ the room. So, wanted to tell her about her adventures. 

It made Aurora hum with happiness. And it pleased Nastya to see her love so included. 

Lily sniffed again, “can, can I help please?” 

Nastya was well-versed enough in Lily-speak to know what she was really asking but didn’t want to be demanding. 

“Come on then, I need another pair of hands with this panel.” 

Within moments Lily was stationed on Nastya’s lap small spanner in hand carefully unscrewing the more delicate bolts. 

This went on peacefully for another 10 minutes until the tell-tale wiggling started. 

The movements were slight, reigned in heavily but Nastya knew all about repressed movements, it was her childhood in the palace. Hiding her playfulness and then her constriction under polite curtsies and porcelain smiles. 

Lily was a born dancer, she had grace enough to find a home amongst the ballet and ballroom steps of the cold and haughty parties Nastya had been forced to attend, groomed into the perfect wind-up doll to be presentable at parties. 

But Lily had no place there. 

Lily was a child who was encouraged by them all to feel and share and sing. 

Aurora had shown Nastya footage of Lily with the others, waltzing with Tim, Brian and TS as they sang ‘Hatter and Hare’ to her, learning how to classically ballroom with Marius who might not be a real Baron but certainly knew the steps well enough to pass but beamed the entire time whilst teaching her. Jonny had even been teaching her some square dancing, far away from the others on nights when she was too tired to scream and charge about with her rage but to angry to settle back into sleep, they stomped and swirled and dosy-doed with a vengeance. 

It warmed her cold, quicksilver-fuelled heart. 

So she was an expert in knowing when Lily wanted to say something but wasn’t sure. She found she felt sad that Lily was still unsure of her four and half months into her living with them. 

But then again, she saw her less than the others did, more comfortable in the core of the engine decks than the main living areas it was usually Jonny or Aurora herself who guided Lily down to see her when it wasn’t a meal time. Nastya didn’t always make it up for a group meal but she did now make a concerted effort to join them all at least once every few days, especially when if she hadn’t made an appearance for a while Lily would appear with Jonny in tow bringing a lovingly made sandwich which Nastya dutifully ate ignoring the smirking Jonny who stood behind the beaming Lily, happy at having done her self-appointed job of making sure the crew was fed regularly. 

She saw a lot of herself in Lily and she didn’t know what to do with that. 

The child she herself might have been if protocol and duty hadn’t been forced down her throat the moment she could walk and talk. 

It was one of the reasons Nastya didn’t resent teaching Lily anything she asked to learn about. Everything in her formative years had been prescriptive, the least she could do now was contribute properly to Lily’s eclectic education, encouraging any interest no matter how varied or how ‘unladylike’. Nastya’s lip curled, the term still made her thrum with a raging quiet of fury. 

Nastya was fairly certain she, Jonny, Tim and the Toy Soldier were the only four that had any form of formal education, for her and Tim at least certainly past the age of 12. TS was mainly taught etiquette and the others either had no memory of it or were not keen to share. 

Jonny she knew because he’d confided in her one day when she’d found him hiding from Carmilla’s wrath, her beration ringing through the corridors that she was going to make ‘a backwater dolt like you learn to be a competent assistant even if it takes _centuries_ ’ 

Nastya had silently dried his tears, used her cool hands to sooth his fresh bruises and assured him he wasn’t stupid. 

He’d had to drop out of school at 12 in order to pick up more work to support his mother as his father drank more and more of the household income and hadn’t been confident in his reading, writing or arithmetic. 

She’d started helping him get a hang of the basics when they hid together, enough to avoid the more violent repercussions of ‘failing’ the good doctor. 

Jonny still wasn’t a fan of anything that sparked. 

Still, he, like the others all had useful skills to share. 

Ashes was in a similar situation, the orphanage forced the children in their care into nominal education but they’d learned their most important lessons on the street and then with the Sevens. 

Jonny and Nastya had done their level best to protect the newly mechanised Ashes from Carmilla’s wrath, ensuring their new crew mate’s literacy was up to scratch. As it was, Ashes with their Quartermaster’s mind took to the particular order and meaning of words and numbers Carmilla expected like a match to gasoline. 

All the others were accepted as was. 

Lily was eager to learn to as much as possible, she was interested in everything and it seemed to please all the crew that she wanted to listen to them and valued their skills enough to want to emulate them. 

Which is why she knew how to carefully undo panel bolts and rewire the smaller plugs and transistors under supervision. 

But Lily didn’t come down here to help. 

It was 1:30am. 

She was up and out of bed and clearly upset. 

Nastya wondered where her useless lump of a brother was and how hard she could kill him for leaving her to deal with a sad Lily. Maybe she could take her to Brian or Marius? They were good at this, certainly better at emotions than she was and— 

“Nastya?” 

Nasyta cursed extensively and creatively in her own head. 

“Yes сладости?” “Have you killed anyone?” Fuck everything and its goddamn siblings. “Why are you asking me that?” “Because everyone else has here.” That was surprisingly matter of fact, for a moment Nastya felt a pang of regret that they had been rubbing off on her. But then again, the child was no stranger to death. “Yes I have.” She answered just as matter-of-factly. 

“Do they stay in your head?” 

Now THAT was a question. Why was Jonny not here again, the one time she really needed the bastard to be useful and he’d fucked off beyond the seeking of an eight year old. She was going to murder him, he’d got (surprising everyone but her) very good at dealing with Lily’s questions about things like this. 

“No, not anymore.” She paused, that wasn’t entirely true. “Well, the first person I killed did stay for years.” 

“Oh.” 

“Why?” 

“I killed people too.” 

“No, you killed Jonny, that doesn’t count.” 

“It does!” 

“He got back up again though.” 

“The others didn’t.” 

This was something new. Was Lily saying she killed others on her ship? There was no way it was any of the raiders she killed, if she had her nightmares would be different. From what the others had said, almost all of her nightmares were about her fear of those raiders coming back and attacking the Aurora. So obviously she still feared them and hadn’t killed any of them to take that power from them. 

So. 

Had she had to mercy kill her own people? Could she? There was a core of steel in this child. Enough that Jonny had feared when she first joined them that she would be lost to vengeance. 

But Lily had been naught but condensed sunshine during the day and was clearly working through her nightmares during the night, mostly with Jonny and sometimes the others but they’d all been along the same theme. 

Why now did it have to be different? She was absolutely going to murder Jonny and throw him out of the airlock, consequences be damned. 

“What others?” 

“The ones of my ship.” Explained the child. 

“You didn’t kill them Lily.” Stated Nastya as firmly as she could. 

“I did.” 

“No—” 

“I didn’t help them.” Pressed the increasingly upset little girl, “They said so.” 

Nastya swallowed. 

“It’s my fault.” 

Oh not a chance. 

Nastya physically turned Lily in her lap to face her. 

“What did you say?” 

“I said it was my fault.” Came Lily’s surprisingly defiant response. 

That sparked an unexpected jolt in the engineer. “How? How is it your fault?” 

“I didn’t help.” Lily declared firmly, “I hid and stayed quiet and they died. They all died. They all died horribly. Screaming and crying and all I did was hide. I stuffed my sleeve in my mouth so they wouldn’t hear me and hid. I let them all die, all the gunshots and tears and fires.” 

Lily’s eyes welled with her own tears once again. 

“I didn’t come out until they’d been gone a long time and everything was dark and quiet.” 

Her voice was beginning to wobble. 

Nastya was unwillingly dragged back to the palace. The roars of the mob, the sound of shattering glass and crackling wood as the fire began to greedily consume her home, everything was sharp and petrichor, the tang of copper heavy on her tongue. 

She knew what that child had faced, at least, she knew a flavour and she’d been over double Lily’s age when it had happened. She had fought back but only after the fact, after being mortally wounded, terror forcing her blood out of her louder and faster with every desperate beat of her gasping heart. If only she’d known it was the last time she know the feel of true warmth. 

Maybe she would have tried to say no to Carmilla. 

As if that would have stopped her. 

Still, there had been Jonny who held her those first nights, Jonny who’d found her her coat (and kept it in good repair for her despite all his protestations to the contrary) and gave her the first sense of warmth and safety she felt in those confusing and agonising first weeks. 

Whether it was the pain of her body, slowly acclimatising to the quicksilver or the wrenching pain of loss and guilt, feeling that she should have died with them all, that she should have tried to protect them she was wracked with it for months. Or maybe years. It was hard to tell in those early times. 

Jonny had introduced her to whiskey and got her drunk on it in a well-meant effort to help her cope and make her feel warm inside. She appreciated the warmth but not the hangover that made her wish she could truly die. She drank in moderation after that. It still helped ward off the sense of cold and misery to an extent, but sleeping in the vents, wrapped up in her coat and Jonny’s arms as they hid eased her the most. She’d never been all that close with her blooded brothers and now, well, her blood and his heart were a match, they adopted each other wordlessly and without ceremony. 

Nastya paused, it was funny in a way, that Jonny, of all of them, was the one that could and did provide comfort when it was desperately needed. Oh he was much younger when it was just the two of them, he was far more the frightened boy to her frightened girl, gone to space too young and become immortal without the understanding what that truly meant than he was now, bitter and jaded and calloused to the universe but he’d still been there and he’d protected her when he had no reason to. He could have tried to direct all of Carmilla’s attention on to her, the new plaything and spare himself. But he didn’t. He cared and he protected and he loved even if he didn’t admit it. He built up quite the guard over the centuries when more and more people kept being added and hurt and he couldn’t stop it. He tried anyway. He was still the first on the scene to console each new addition to the crew when that had generally been appreciated. Apart from Tim. 

But he became colder and harder and more indifferent on the surface and seethed inside with each passing year and each new addition. 

She knew it was by sheer luck that it was Jonny Lily had shot, she probably would have launched herself at whomever she’d killed and then sat back up and Nastya wasn’t sure that Jonny would have been anywhere near as accepting if it wasn’t him she attached herself to, more for Lily’s sake than anything else. She wasn’t an annoying child so no real risk of her being shot but still, Jonny probably would have fought harder to leave her somewhere safe with decent people and not them. She was a good kid after all. But he’d got attached the second he failed to shoot her and she’d clung on. He still, despite everything, couldn’t refuse a hug when it was sorely needed. Even if he never admitted or telegraphed it. 

Lily probably had no real idea how lucky she was, having Jonny on side was like having an admittedly annoying but ferocious and lethal guard dog to protect you. Anyone he deemed as ‘his’ was under that protection. He could mess with those people as much as he wanted but the second there was a real threat, an actual, credible danger to ‘his’ people and Jonny could turn all his violent chaotic bastardry into pure, vengeful murder. 

But also, Lily apparently gave him permission to show that secret softness he hid pretty well most days to the point it had just become accepted that Jonny had a gentle side that he could and did use with Lily. It was nice to see again after so long. 

She’d missed this side of him being as apparent. He saved his real smiles for her which she cherished but still, it was few and far between. Lily had been good for everyone, even if Nastya wasn’t sure exactly how to interact with her. They had such a lot in common in some ways and in others? Completely alien. 

Maybe it was better to focus on their shared love of the first mate, (Never Captain, that was Carmilla and no one should ever be associated with her reign no matter how much he protested.) rather than their entries into orphanhood. 

But first. Lily was upset and it was an upset she unfortunately knew far too well. 

“Сладости, Lily, look at me.” 

The child reluctantly raised her eyes to meet Nastya’s. 

“We have talked about this before, what you did, hiding in the vents was not only good but it was the right thing to do, your parents put you there for a reason, they wanted you to survive.” 

“But, but—” 

“No, no if’s or buts.” Interupted Nastya in her best, ‘Jonny-I-am-not-accepting-a-single-word-of-your-nonsense-right-now’ voice, “Knowing what you know now about guns and ballistics from Tim do you think you could have stopped them?” 

“No.” Lily conceded, wilting a little. 

“Do you think, knowing what you do now about piloting, angles and speeds from Brian you or anyone on your crew could have got the ship away from the raiders in time?” 

“No.” she shrank a little further. 

“Do you think, knowing what you know now about hull integrity from Aurora and I that could have found a way of stopping them before they breached your ship?” 

“No.” She curled up closer to Nastya as the facts rolled over her. Nastya found herself rubbing the child’s back consolingly, being told you’re wrong is always hard, even if it’s for your own good in the long run and she was still small and Nastya wasn’t beyond giving comfort when it was needed. 

“So I don’t see what the problem is Lily, there was nothing you could have done. It took a lot of courage just to stay alive in the aftermath long enough for us to find you. You were incredibly brave.” 

“But they don’t believe me.” Lily all but whispered. 

“Who don’t?” 

“My crew, my old crew, they’re in my nightmares, they blame me for not helping, that I shouldn’t have left them. That I’ve betrayed them by coming to live with you all.” 

A stream of creative Cyberian cursing torrented across her brain. Nastya took a deep breath and continued to curse Jonny for not being here with her for this. She didn’t want to talk about this, had avoided it for a very long time. 

“I felt the same way.” She admitted in as firm a voice as she could manage. 

Lily perked up immediately, sitting up to face Nastya, “You did?” 

“Yes. Where I am from, there was an uprising. My, my father was not a kind man and he had responsibility over a lot of people. He didn’t treat them well and eventually they realised there were more of them than the people in charge. They attacked our home, they wanted to kill us all. I saw them murder my brothers, my mother and my father and all the people who’d surrounded me since birth. I was older than you, I was 19 at the time but I was so scared Lily, I ran, I got attacked by someone who I thought cared about me. I killed him in self-defence but it broke my heart, he wounded me very badly. After Jonny rescued me I saw their faces in my dreams night after night, accusing me of being a coward, that I should have died with my family.” 

Nastya paused trying to gather the right words to try and get across in the simplest terms she could. 

“And you know what?” she continued. 

“What?” 

“That was my mind lying to me.” And oh, didn’t that feel good to say out loud? Nasyta hadn’t realised she needed this for herself even after centuries and continued with more emphasis. 

“My mind was lying to me,” she expanded, “it was the guilt talking, nothing more. Guilt is a natural emotion in events like these, you want to help people you care about but sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do, no matter how much you wish it. You can tie yourself up in knots about it, you can tear yourself apart over it but it doesn’t matter. You won’t change what happened.” 

Nastya raised a hand carefully and after hesitating a moment, carded her hand gently through Lily’s wild and sleep-mussed hair. It was approaching her shoulders now, as she’d pointed out proudly every so often because she was trying to grow it as long as Raphaella’s. 

“Lily, I need you to listen very carefully to me.” The little girl fixed Nastya with her huge blue eyes. “Those things you see in your dreams, they’re not your friends, they’re not your family. They are lies. You feel guilty and that’s normal, that’s alright, but you can’t let it rule you, you can’t let their lies in. Your mother and father wanted you to live, they wanted you to live with every fibre of their beings because if they didn’t they would have held you close when the raiders came. You need to understand the hardest thing a parent can do is to push away their child to protect them. They knew how dangerous the situation was, they knew they might not survive and to increases your chances of survival the best thing they could do would be to put you out of harm’s way to and hope it was enough.” 

Lily shuffled, looking down as she sniffed. Nastya gave her a moment then tilted her little face back up to hers, she needed to take this all in. 

“And it was.” Stated Nastya. 

“Because you were clever and you were brave, you stayed still and silent and stayed alive. You gave them no cause to search the vents. You did want your parents wanted. You survived.” 

The engineer gently wiped away some of the escaping tears. 

“You survived long enough for us to find you. Do you really think your parents would want you to stay on your ship when you could leave with us?” 

Lily sniffed again, thinking about the cold, dark awfulness of her ship that slowly been smelling worse and worse and bit by bit falling apart. 

“No.” She realised, “No they’d want me safe and warm and with nice, kind people like you all.” 

Nastya didn’t think she’d ever get used to hearing herself and her crew described as ‘nice’ or ‘kind’ without a shred of sarcasm. 

“Exactly. You made the right choice in coming with us.” Actually, thinking about it, Lily didn’t so much as have a choice as ‘clung to Jonny and didn’t let go when he carried her onto Aurora’ Hmm. Well, semantics at this point. 

Nastya paused to look at Lily, really look at her, doubt creeping in because they’d assumed a lot with Lily and she’d seemingly just rolled with it, “Are you happy with us Lily?” 

Genuine shock bloomed across the child’s face as her eyes grew round in consternation, “What? Happy? Of COURSE I’m happy with you! You’re all so nice and kind and cuddly and you look after me and don’t ever tell me I’m small or silly and you let me do big important things! I’ve got a proper job here! I cook for you and you all spend time with me and teach me things and play with me and listen to me and there’s no fighting over things like food and you always make sure I’ve got enough. More than enough.” 

Well fuck. 

She was going to have to feed this all back to Jonny wasn’t she? 

Nastya privately was rather pleased Lily’s crew had no further claim on her, they were ill-prepared, ill-equipped, and obviously ill-suited to manage the prospect of a pioneer mission when it came to their most precious consignments. Maybe not her parents but still. From between her own and Ivy’s observations from the ship and the black box they would never have made it to their chosen destination. There were other ships as part of the mission but the black box recorded having lost them years previously, their engines had been damaged and they fell behind and never caught up. 

And Lily had clearly been given the impression she was bother, she was tiresome and she was constantly in the way by the other adults in her life. 

Never would Nastya have thought that the Mechanisms would make better care-givers than literally any other sentient being but apparently the universe was still full of surprises. 

“That’s good, I’m very glad to hear it. Do you understand why I asked you that?” 

Lily thought it over. “Because, because, I needed to think about all the good things here. About how happy you all make me and how sad I’d be if I stayed behind.” 

Thank fuck she was an intelligent and perceptive child. 

“And what do you think your mother and father would want for you?” pressed Nastya, determined to get this concept across to Lily, she didn’t deserve to have that sort of unwarranted guilt resting on her small shoulders. 

“To be happy. And safe. And feel like I belong.” She stated immediately with absolutely surety. 

The words sunk in. 

“Oh.” 

“Exactly. They would be very pleased you’ve found yourself a group of people who care about your well-being.” She took a deep breath, she wasn’t given to sharing her emotions freely with anyone but Aurora, and Jonny if really needed but Lily was a special case. “And we do Lily, very much so, you’re very important to all of us. We want you to be safe and well with us, even if we’re not always sure what to do or say, we do care about you.” 

Lily gazed at Nastya with all the sincerity of an eight year old. 

“I know. From the first night and you all hugged me even though Marius and Tim came back and some of you don’t really like hugs but you hugged me anyway because I was scared and I was sad and you didn’t have to. Thank you.” 

“You’re very welcome Сладости.” 

“Can I hug you now please?” 

“Yes.” 

Lily carefully wrapped her arms around the engineer, taking in her scent of oil, grease and delicate musk. She didn’t get to hug Nastya often so she cherished it. “I knew you were kind, you cuddle even when it’s not your favourite thing.” 

“Well I know what it’s like to feel alone, I didn’t want you to feel like that.” 

“But you have the crew and Aurora?” 

“Not when I first joined, it was just Jonny and I.” Nastya was trying to edge carefully along the level detail she could share, they’d not talked to her about their mechanisms yet, or how they’d come to all be together on Aurora. It wasn’t her story to tell alone. That would be an all or nothing tale she felt. 

“And Aurora?” 

“And Aurora,” the engineer latched eagerly onto that as a conversation avenue, “it took me a while to learn how to listen to her before we could truly understand one another.” 

“I think I hear her singing to me sometimes, it sounds different to when she’s talking to me.” 

“That’s because you’re a clever girl and you listen well. Yes, Aurora is singing to you.” 

“She always sounds so pretty.” 

“Yes she does, she’s beautiful.” 

“Have you always been in love with her?” 

Wasn’t that a question, of course Nastya loved Aurora, she had for the longest time, her hums were comforting, warming her to her core. Being Cyberian and Aurora being a cyberian ship she could speak with Aurora from the first days, translating for Jonny when he asked or it was particularly pertinent. She and Aurora understood each other far deeper than words anyway, she was what filled her thoughts, gave her purpose and flooded her soul with warmth. “For a very long time, yes. She was very kind and comforting when I was first on board, I was very scared and lost even with Jonny to keep me company.” 

“He’s good at that.” 

“Yes he is.” 

“But Aurora loved you? Right at the beginning? Was it love at first sight? Like in my books?” 

It was sweet that Lily still thought like that when the universe was rarely so forgiving or amenable, “Not quite at first sight, I think love is something that builds up over time, but I believe we mutually fell in love, I with her kindness, her warmth and her spectacular grandeur.” 

“And Aurora?” The child looked up at the panelling. 

There was a deep and resonant humming that broke out around them. 

Nastya allowed her fondest smile to spread over her face, “Thank you my love, she said that she fell involve with my music, with my hands and how I use them work my violin and my tools to keep her in good repair, she says she loves how I listen, how I touch and how I care about things.” 

Lily was enraptured, “I bet she thinks you’re just as beautiful as you think she is.” 

Silver flushed Nastya’s cheeks, “That’s very kind of you.” 

“It’s true, you have such nice eyes that really smile when you see something you like or Aurora says something secret to you.” 

Aurora hummed in agreement. 

“See! I know that means she thinks I’m right!” The little girl beamed. 

It was something Nastya was very grateful for that the child was just willing to accept things, for Lily, Aurora was another adult to listen to and very much a person in her own right. It was refreshing to just be accepted without shred of confusion. 

“Quite right indeed.” 

“Does Aurora sing a lot to you?” 

“Yes she does, she has a beautiful set of sounds.” 

“Would she sing now?” 

“You’d have to ask her.” 

“Aurora? Would you sing a song please? You always sound so pretty.” 

Well how could she refuse a request like that? 

Aurora began to sing, this time a favourite of her love, soft and gentle, reverberating sonorously through her wiring and her metalwork. 

Lily was mesmerised. She leaned back against Nastya chest, soothed by both the song and the rhythmic sound of the engineer’s heartbeat. 

The weight against Nastya’s chest grew heavier and heavier until the sound of tiny snoring emanated from her ribcage. 

She sighed internally, she should have known this, Raphaella had told her how quickly Lily could fall asleep and now she couldn’t move for fear of waking her. Still, it wasn’t too bad, Lily was a little radiator and it was strangely peaceful to be the source of comfort for such a vulnerable being, a little girl that despite everything they seemed to be managing to raise to an acceptable standard. The child was happy, was building up her strength and general health now she had a proper balanced diet and obviously felt comfortable enough with all of them to come to them when needing comfort and reassurance as much as when she wanted to play or help with something. And that she’d managed to comfort Lily when it was clearly something serious bothering her was something Nastya was quietly proud of and more than a little relieved that it had obviously worked. She was rarely counselled for advice beyond Jonny and that was because he didn’t mind sharing his vulnerable side to her, she’d seen him sobbing and bloody and terrified enough to not be deterred by his defensive walls. Nor did he really try. But to help Lily? To reason well with a child? It was very new territory but one, on reflection, she found she didn’t dislike. 

Now she’d calmed down herself, soothed by the sleeping breaths of the child she remembered to be furious with Jonny for leaving her in this situation in the first place. 

Aurora noticed the hitch in her love’s breath and the flaring of her nostrils. 

She interpreted correctly, humming a question. 

Nastya Nodded. 

Aurora pinged a message to Jonny, now that the situation he was in had been resolved, to come and collect Lily. 

Jonny waltzed in roughly twenty minutes later reeking more pungently of whiskey than normal, a sloppy, sappy smile plastered across his face that spread even wider at the sight of his sister gently rocking the sleeping form of the child he was more than a little fond of. 

The engineer on seeing him went from peaceful to furious in roughly half a second. 

“Just where the fuck have you been?!” Hissed Nastya, “Lily has been having breakdown over her nightmares conjuring her dead parents and crew mates to chastise her for leaving them and having the audacity to survive.” 

All the drunkenness drained out of Jonny along with his colouring. 

“FUCK.” Sobriety hit him like a particularly colourful train, “Is she okay? She’s not had an accusing nightmare for a while.” 

“Oh you knew about these?” if anything Nastya’s fury deepened. 

Jonny was aware of the danger in her voice but ploughed on regardless, “I mean, yes, she tells me all her nightmares most of them are just banging noises in the dark.” 

“But sometimes she nightmares about her dead parents blaming her for their deaths?” 

“Sometimes?” Now Jonny thought about it, had it been more frequent, more recently? 

“You BASTARD.” It was impressive how much fury Nastya could convey in a whisper, “Why haven’t you told the rest of us?” 

Jonny immediately puffed up his chest in defence, “Because it’s her nightmares, not mine to share and it’s personal.” He hissed back. 

“Jonny she is EIGHT. This is serious stuff that does need sharing. And to dump it on the rest of us un-warned isn’t fair.” 

“I’ve told you the important stuff, she deserves her privacy as much as the rest of us.” 

“Jonny she is eight, not an adult, whilst it is commendable you respect her privacy there are some things that need to be shared with the rest of us, important things. Like this. THIS is important!” 

“It’s just a progression, Marius says—” 

“Fuck what Marius says, this was important and she needs to be reassured properly not just have me wing it and hope for the best.” 

Jonny grinned ruefully, “Welcome to my world, it’s a bitch isn’t it?” 

“No, I, she deserves better than that,” the engineer trailed off. 

Jonny paused to really look at Nastya, realisation dawned, taking in the paler-than-usual complexion and gentle, almost imperceptive trembling, “what’s wrong?” 

“I, she, the palace, it’s similar enough, it, brought up some memories I’d rather forget.” 

Everything clicked into place, Jonny looked horrified, immediately contrite, this was a BIG deal for Nastya after all and she hated being reminded of that time, “Fuck I’m sorry I should have—” 

Nastya was touched at his concern, it helped to calm her enough to start to regain her composure, “Actually, it was quite helpful really, I realised a few things I needed to put to bed and I think I was the voice I needed to hear when Lily’s situation was as fresh for me.” 

Jonny reached out and gently squeezed her hand in sympathy. 

“Are, are you both alright? For now?” 

“I believe so. I managed to convince Lily the words and the people who spoke them were just manifestation of guilt. Nothing more. That she did the right thing in joining us.” 

“She was questioning that?!” 

“Subconsciously. I think because she is growing more at ease here. More comfortable and settled.” 

“That’s good right?” 

“Yes, but it comes with consequences, namely questioning her loyalties to those she’s known all her life and those whom she’s only known for the past four and a half months 

“Well her people are dead, there’s not much choice there.” 

Nasyta closed her eyes, “Please tell me you’ve not put it to her like that.” 

“Of course I fucking haven’t what do you take me for?” Jonny paused, his eyes narrowing, “Do not answer that. I just tell her that her brain is lying to her because brains don’t always get things right.” 

“Huh, I said something similar.” 

He grinned at their similarities, there was reason people assumed they were siblings more often as not. 

She shared the smiled, pleased to have settled the matter and felt more at peace with herself than she had for a while, “Anyway, where have you been all evening that Aurora led her to me?” 

Jonny immediately shifted, looking awkward and closed off, “Oh, uh, nowhere.” 

Nastya cocked a single eyebrow, “Jonny. For an excellent liar this is a piss poor effort.” 

“Fine I was having a discussion.” 

“With?” she prompted, apparently he was determined to be difficult. 

“With Tim.” 

“If you have broken any more of her panelling I will gut you right here.” 

“No, it was civilised thank you very much.” 

“I do not believe it.” 

“Well we did. Go look for yourself.” 

“What could you have possibly been discussing that was reasonable?” 

“I, well, he, we—” 

“Spit it out.” 

“Fine we were discussing how he came to join the crew and the misunderstandings about it. Happy?” 

Nastya froze. That was something that Jonny had tried to do not too long after Tim had joined them and got the hang of his new vision. It had not gone well. As it was Brian and Ivy had killed the pair of them and locked them in their respective bedrooms till they calmed down. Things had escalated. Badly. Threatening-an-actual-hull-breach badly. 

Nastya hadn’t spoken to Jonny for a month. 

Then he’d come stomping down to find her to give her as much of an apology he could give her and then proceeded to rant and rave until she’d slapped him silent. Nastya was not given to laying hands on people, she didn’t like it. But Jonny had been revving up again and that was not explaining the situation. 

As it was it shocked him enough to explain himself properly. He was devastated that Tim blamed him, that he’d tried (albeit very clumsily, Jonny, for all he was a gifted wordsmith for stories struggled when orating things related to him and his own, more complex emotions) to explain that none of what happened was his choice. He wanted Tim to have his ending. That Carmilla hadn’t listened, had killed him and locked him away. By the Jonny broke out it was too late. 

Carmilla had her accident not long after. 

“Are you alright?” 

The bluntness had the effect as the slap several centuries ago and shocked the truth out of him once again. 

“Better than I thought I’d be.” 

“What happened?” 

Jonny took a breath, wanting, _needing_ to share it. 

The evening had been normal, less murder-filled since it was getting close to 1am and that was prime Lily nightmare-time. They’d been making cracks at how Lily kept Jonny in better time than their music, a complete lie but intentionally teasing. 

Then someone made a crack about newfound responsibility. 

And Jonny had responded that he always was responsible, but he just wasn’t appreciated. 

Tim had commented that he was only responsible when it suited him with more bite than had been in his voice previously. 

Jonny rose to it, snapping that he was always keeping an eye out for the crew. 

Tim bit back about only looking out for _this_ crew. 

The others went quiet, poised for violence. 

Jonny immediately hit back at who the fuck else was he supposed to look out for? 

Too late the first mate realised what Tim was getting at, too late he realised that Tim had been cleaning Bertie’s gun, which he only did when he was specifically thinking about the Lunar war and what had happened. 

Building the fort with Lily had clearly stirred up memories. 

Tim promptly erupted, getting right up in Jonny’s face. 

Spewing the words he’d obviously been festering for centuries. 

“You only care when it directly relates to you selfish bastard! If Lily had latched on to anyone else you’d have been the first to say we dump her! It’s only when you have a benefit out of it! So don’t you dare try to pretend you actually give a fuck about any of us, it’s just that we all can’t really leave, not permanently, so we have to endure each other!” 

“Don’t you DARE talk about Lily like that, she’s as much your kid as she is mine or anyone else’s! It was you she spent the best part of the last four days building a fort with, not fucking me! So don’t you dare! I care about all of you ungrateful bastards, I have to! You’re MY crew.” 

Tim punched him square in the jaw. 

The Mechanisms didn’t usually resort to physical violence, usually it was just gunshot, immolation or whatever Raphaella had concocted that week. 

As such it caught Jonny off guard, forcing him to stagger backwards. 

“There! You see! YOUR crew! It’s all about you! We’re our own people. We’re not beholden to you and you’re lying to yourself like always if you think anything different!” 

Jonny spat out blood and snarled at Tim through gory teeth, “I don’t mean it like that you wanker! And you know it! I’m not HER!” 

“But you helped her!” 

The room dropped about 10 degrees. 

“What did you say?” Jonny’s voice had gone dangerously quiet. Everyone else in the room tensed to leap into intervene, the last time these two got like this they filled the room with so much gun fire it nearly penetrated the outer hull. 

Tim didn’t back down in the face of Jonny’s icy fury, “I said, You. Helped. Her.” 

Jonny was suddenly on Tim, fists in his coat and slammed him against the wall, hard enough to make the gunner’s teeth rattle. Jonny might be shorter than Tim but he was strong. 

“You take that back you piece of shit.” 

“No.” Spat Tim. 

Jonny slammed him against the wall again before he held Tim with one hand and the other snatched for his six-shooter. Then he remembered the proximity to Lily-horror-hours and visibly tried to calm down and withdrew his hand from his holster. 

Tim followed his movement and stopped in his tracking to do the same. Couldn’t be shooting and waking Lily, kid needed her sleep after all, she’d worked hard building all day. 

“Because it’s the truth isn’t it?” He continued, glaring at Jonny, faces barely 6 inches apart, “It wasn’t enough to fuck with me on the moon—” 

“I tried to stop him! You KNOW I did!” Exploded Jonny, “I couldn’t get to the grenade in time, I TRIED to out-run him but he was faster and I was still regenerating from the lasers!” 

“You should have told us!” 

The words knocked the rage right out of him, he let go of Tim, backing away, “Yes.” He conceded, sincerity pouring into his words, “I should have. I’m sorry.” 

Tim stared dumbly as Jonny spoke the words he’d wanted to say for over three centuries. Apparently soothing Lily almost every night had given him some practice at actually communicating some emotions. 

“I didn’t want Bertie to die.” Now Jonny had said those words he’d apparently broken some sort of dam and the words kept coming, “I didn’t want you to die. I wanted you both to survive the fucking war and go home. You two were the nearest thing I’d had to real friends for CENTURIES. I wanted you both to have a fucking happy ever after for once.” 

“Then WHY?!” Tim all but screamed. 

“Why did I help her make you into one of us?” Jonny glared at Tim, if there was a sheen to his eyes then he’d deny it for eternity. 

“I didn’t.” He let the words hang there for effect before ploughing on. 

“I never wanted this for anyone, not one of you fuckers. No one deserves this. No one. I begged her, I fought her, I fought against the bio-programming to try and stop her. She shot me. She shot me so much I woke up locked in a store cupboard a week later and when I finally broke out it was too fucking late.” Jonny sighed, finding himself sadder that he’d allowed himself to feel for a long time, “I’m sorry Tim, really, I never wanted this for you.” 

He ran a hand over his face suddenly feeling every single year he’d lived weighing down on him. 

The others, having frozen in place, poised to haul them away from each other like they had to do over three centuries ago relaxed, now they’d clearly calmed down a bit, that they’d not drawn weapons and that Jonny fucking _apologised_. 

Well. 

Things were obviously going to get all feelingsy and out of a sense of decorum for some and not being drunk enough to deal with another outpouring of emotions for others the crew that had been present quietly left, ignored by the first mate and master-at-arms. 

“So that’s it, carry on fucking hating me, that’s fine, don’t break the habit of centuries, it doesn’t matter anyway but don’t you fucking _dare_ think I helped her or had anything to do with it. None of us did. She plucked you from space when she was scooping me and TS up from the debris. Decided to ‘fix’ you up like she did the rest of us poor fuckers. I tried to stop her, tried to deflect, to convince her to let you die but she realised I cared about you. So she did exactly what she wanted. I'm sorry she used you, sorrier than you'll ever fucking know.” 

The first mate straightened his back to cover a sniff, “Now if you’re done, I’m going to go check on Lily because I do, in fact, care about her like I care about the rest of you bastards.” 

He made to move away. Jonny got three paces before a slender hand gripped his shoulder. 

“Jonny.” 

The first mate wheeled around. 

“What?!” 

“I, I didn’t know.” Tim was looking worryingly sincere. 

“Clearly.” Jonny didn’t really know what to do with Tim looking like that, like a grown-up version of Lily’s sad-eyes, eyes that were his natural colour, not focused on anything but him. 

“I wish I did know.” 

Oh fuck, Jonny was really not prepared for more emotion right now, “Well you do now.” 

“I mean sooner.” Pressed Tim. 

Jonny huffed, the resignation stealing most of the bite from his words, “I tried to tell you. I tried to tell you when you first made it out of the lab just after Carmilla had her accident.” 

Tim did a genuine double take, “That was you telling me?!” 

That riled him, “Fuck off Tim!” He snapped, “I tried! You started yelling, I started yelling, we started shooting, next thing I remember waking up locked in my bunk.” 

“Me too.” Surprisingly Tim didn’t rise to the heat in Jonny’s explosion instead he looked like he might be feeling a stab of regret. 

“I also remember you shooting me in the face for the next five years whenever you saw me.” Emphasised the first mate. 

“I did.” Tim agreed 

“And?” Prompted Jonny, his heartbeat beginning to pound in his ears, hoping he’d not mis-judged this, he was still angry and he was damn well going to voice it but he did want this to be resolved. He liked Tim despite all the relentless violence. He liked their competitions. He’d not taken to someone so quickly since Nastya and Tim (and Bertie for that matter) had been mortal. He’d liked them both. He had wanted them to be alright. If he was honest with himself he wanted to have that tunnels friendship again, he’d wanted a brother growing up almost as much as a sister and privately he wouldn’t have minded if that brother had been someone like Tim. It was fine if their relationship was going to stay the way it was, it had been that way for three and half centuries, it didn’t need to change, didn’t have to. But it would be nice if it could. 

Tim sighed, then fixed his stare on Jonny, utterly serious even if it looked like it was paining him to admit, “And if I’d known then I wouldn’t have.” 

That was as good as an apology he’d ever expected from Tim, “Alright then.” 

“Jonny—” 

“What Tim? What?” This was far more emotion that Jonny was really able to deal with in one evening, “I’ve said my piece, I should have said it years ago, I should have tried again before now, I didn’t. I’m sorry for that but I don’t know what else you want from me.” 

“Thank you.” It looked both painful and alien for the words to cross his lips but the master-at-arms said them all the same. “I’m, I’m, I’m sorry I thought you’d been involved.” For the first time in years Tim actually looked awkward. 

“Good.” Jonny had no framework of reference for this, the last time they’d been this honest and open was in the tunnels before Bertie died and most of that was now a purposely hazy memory. “I, er, I’m sorry I gave you that impression.” He offered, hoping that was the right thing to say. 

“Do you—” Tim hesitated. 

“Do I what?” Jonny have never quite understood the phrase walking on eggshells until that exact moment thought it was more like breathing around eggshells. He felt horribly powerless that the next thing out of Tim’s mouth might dictate how they interacted for the next ever. 

“Do you want to get very drunk and accept that this happened and we’re alright but we never have to talk about it again?” 

Jonny breathed a huge sigh of relief, “Fucking YES.” He began to grin before a thought caught him, “Wait, Lily, I’ve got to—” 

A screen descended from the ceiling. 

**‘If you are seeking Lily** **Jonny,** **she is safe with Nastya next to the engine room. They’re both in deep conversation and are fine, I will notify you when you need to take her to bed.’**

Well it was nice that Aurora acknowledged that there was no way Lily was moving off from Nastya once there, the child was like a limpet and once comforted it was like she had an off switch that just flicked the second she was feeling safe and secure again. 

He felt bad he’d missed her getting up but this really needed to be said and he was glad they’d had the chance to finally clear things up between them. It had only been several centuries in the reckoning. 

Still, if she was still talking to Nastya then that gave him and Tim at least an hour. No point disturbing her when she’d just fallen asleep after all. Plus, it was good she was talking to Nastya, she needed to talk to the engineer more, Lily spent the least amount of time with Nastya so it was nice she was there. And he really wanted to drink with Tim, it had been a long time when it was just them and the air actually felt clear. Ironically it was in the gas-filled tunnels. 

The two men read the notice and shared a look. 

“Whiskey?” 

“Whiskey.” 

He was grateful that whilst he wasn’t drinking to his previous capacity he could still drink Tim under the table. 

Which was why when Aurora summoned him later into the night he still had enough nouse about him to be able to ease Tim back against the sofa and cover him with his great coat that he’d shucked earlier and make his way down to where his sister and charge were waiting without too much stumbling. 

“So you and Tim have made up?” 

Jonny grimaced, “Don’t say it like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like we’ve had some sort of lover’s tiff.” 

“Well…” 

Jonny’s face morphed in a deep scowl, “Fuck off Nastya. You two are the only couple here and you know this needed sorting for years.” 

The engineer sombered, she did in fact know, knew how much it had eaten at Jonny over the years on top of everything else till he grew cold and indifferent, thinking it one last curse from Carmilla to endure. 

“It did, you’re right, and I’m glad. Really. For you and Tim. And Aurora that there’ll be less damage inflicted by the pair of you.” 

“I make no promises.” 

“You will not like the consequences.” promised the engineer. 

Jonny smirked, “No but I enjoy the challenge.” 

“You are such a bastard.” 

“Always,” he agreed easily, “you love me anyway.” 

Nastya rolled her eyes and huffed, looking thoroughly unimpressed, “You are a blight on my life and I despise everything you stand for.” 

His smirk deepened, “I know, I know,” before he allowed the soft smile he saved for Nastya and more recently Lily to bloom across his face instead as he stepped carefully into Nastya’s space and pressed a gentle kiss to her head, leaning against her wrapping his arms around her, lending yet more warmth to her. 

“Thanks for looking after her.” He mumbled against her hair. 

“Well, she’s as much my responsibility as yours to care for.” Admitted Nastya, allowing the affection she felt for Lily flow through her, feeling far more connected now than she ever had before. She squeezed his hand, enjoying the tenderness. It was still quite rare between them, especially in the last few centuries, and it had been an emotional night for them all. 

Aurora continued to sing, low and warm and loving as the siblings and their child just breathed together and were. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note, the words Nastya says are; “Маленький?” (malen'kiy) which according to google English the Russian is ‘Moppet’ 
> 
> And  
> Сладости- (Sladosti) which again according to google is ‘SweetSunshine’ 
> 
> Please correct me if I’m wrong! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I’m sorry you had such a long wait, Nastya really didn’t want to talk and then Jonny and Tim decided they had business that needed resolving.  
> Thankfully TS has been far more chatty and I should have its chapter up next week!  
> Thanks again, please let me know what you thought!


	9. Battles after Bedtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily awakes from a not-too-terrible nightmare, a gentler one than most of the ones she's been having recently, and deciding to be brave goes on another solo mission, this time to the mess...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, here's another chapter for your consideration, this time Lily stumbles on to an unexpected sight with someone I feel I've rather neglected in this series so far!

Lily woke up as a rush of masked faces loomed at her. She lurched up gasping and surveyed her room, bathed as always in the glow of the little moon lamp.

Nothing. Just a bad dream. Not even that scary and they were definitely not here now.

Lily took stock. She felt alright. She probably wouldn’t go back to sleep immediately but she wasn’t scared enough to want to go and get in with Jonny. She was awake and a bit unhappy but she wasn’t scared.

She hugged her knees for a minute before deciding what she wanted.

Lily hopped out of bed and put her new boots on, the ones that were heavy for kicking and stomping but had pretty flowers embroidered all over them. She’d picked them out herself at the last market they’d visited. They made her feel big and strong and just as stompy as the rest of her friends.

It was nice to wear them when she was out in the night time of Aurora, like she was prepared for things even if they were unexpected.

She could still be quiet in them too and that was even better, it meant she could sneak past people if she wanted too. She never snuck up _on_ them though, that was dangerous. Jonny had told her so the first time she’d tried to jump on his back in a surprise hug. He’d been very nice and Jonny about it but he’d warned that just because he realised at the last minute it was her the others might not and think they were being attacked. She wasn’t silly, she saw the look in his eyes before he realised it was her. He looked like he did the first time she came to his room after a nightmare.

That was a bad look.

That was a scary Jonny, not her Jonny.

Lily had no doubt whatsoever the rest of them had scary faces too and that was fine because that was what kept them all safe. It was a little bit different to her normal hugging he’d explained, because they couldn’t see it coming so even Marius might think she was a threat.

She didn’t really comprehend the idea of them actually being a danger to her because they were her friends but was very careful anyway after that.

She truly understood what Jonny was saying a few days later when Brian had accidentally surprised her in the kitchen. He knocked the handle of pot that was waiting to be put away, it fell off the side take half a dozen of its friends to the floor with it.

Lily had seized the (thankfully) empty frying pan that was awaiting mushrooms and swung it fully at Brian’s face, convinced the noise meant raiders were about to descend on her.

It look Lily a full three seconds to realise that what she’d done was hurl a heavy pan directly at her friend’s face and promptly burst into tears, running towards Brian wailing ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’ Over and over again.

Brian was genuinely non-plussed for a moment. He had just taken a pan to the face but that was getting off lightly compared to most days. He was just thinking how impressed he was at her strength and aim when she cannoned into his legs, fully wailing.

Oh right. This sort of reaction to a startling sound shouldn’t be normal in children. (Or anyone but that was a moot point with this crew)

Brian wasted no more time in picking her up and settling her against him, rubbing her back the way he’d seen Jonny do many times over the past few weeks.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Are you okay?! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!”

“Hey, hey now, it’s alright, it’s alright, it was an accident, I’m fine, I’m fine.” And he was, it took more than a kitchen accessory flung in fright to damage him. “Want to tell me what happened?”

Brian knew exactly what had happened but it would do her good to recount it, then he could explain.

“I-I-I, I-there was a big noise, it was crashing and it sounded just like on the ship and I thought the bad ones had come back and I wanted to stop them because they’re bad and I didn’t want them to hurt everyone here so I threw the pan because it might stop them but, but it wasn’t them! And that was silly because you wouldn’t let them on board anyway and then, then I’d thrown the pan at YOU and I’m sorry!” Lily started sobbing again.

Brian let her cry herself out a bit, rubbing her back and holding her through it. Once she’d calmed down a bit, Brian humming Rose Red throughout she sniffed against his shoulder.

“Can you hear me?”

He received a wet nod to the neck.

“Good, alright, Lily, I need you to listen to me, can you do that?”

Another wet nod.

“Good girl, it’s alright, you were scared and you reacted. It’s very understandable. Everyone here does that sometimes when they are surprised like you were. I know Jonny’s told you about this already and you’ve been very good and careful about not surprising us and I am very proud of you for that because I know you like to jump up and hug people. It’s just what happens when people have had times when they’ve been very, very scared and have been in danger like you. We all know what it’s like so I’m not cross and I’m not upset. I know you didn’t mean it, I’ll do my very best not to make big crashing noises around you. But I’m not cross and I’m not hurt.” He knew that was her big hang up. “We’d never let anyone on-board Aurora to scare you either.”

Lily sniffed, “I know, you’d shoot them all first.”

“Yes we would.” Well, the rest of them certainly would, if he was on EJM at the time he might get a little more creative and Jonny would most likely forget he had a gun use his bare hands if anyone made a move towards Lily, if that time a drunken barfly took offence at Nastya turning him down was anything to go by but she didn’t need to know that.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“That you’re not cross with me, that getting scared and fighting even if there’s no one there to fight is something that happens sometimes if you’ve been in danger and scared a lot. That is happens to everyone here and that’s why everyone tries to look after each other by not scaring each other.”

“Very good, you’re an excellent listener.”

“I still don’t like that I did that.”

“I know little flower. I don’t like it when I do that either. None of us do. But bit by bit it gets a bit easier to manage, it helps knowing you’re safe with us.”

“I know. I’m very safe with you all.”

“Good. Just give it time.”

“I’ll try.”

She made absolutely no move to let go. Exhausted from the emotional outburst and enjoying the sense of security the pilot gave out, he was so strong and solid.

Brian didn’t mind, it was nice to be wanted as a reassuring presence.

Ivy and Marius ended up cooking dinner that night. 

Lily was extra careful after that, very aware of how nasty it could be to be scared and accidentally hurt people because you were scared and she didn’t want to make her friends feel bad.

The one person she never needed to be careful of was the Toy Soldier. The Toy Solider loved to be hugged and pounced on and played with. Lily practiced creeping up on it for tackle hugs and it always seemed to enjoy being included in any of her games. Lily loved the Toy Soldier, it always had interesting stories to tell and sung beautifully. It had taught her lots of songs and sayings and she loved to listen to it. It was amazing at playing games too.

It was late enough that no one was around, Lily didn’t mind being on her own as much anymore because she could hear Aurora and knew there was someone there with her, even if they weren’t immediately visible. Lily could hum to Aurora and Aurora would hum back. Aurora was usually humming but she’d change her pitch depending on what Lily was humming directly to her to show she was listening.

Sometimes it was happy tune and sometimes it was a soft one but it always sounded friendly and comforting. 

She reached the mess without bumping into anyone or anything going wrong, plans of things to make tomorrow bubbling happily in her brain, if she was less tired she might have made some bread dough and left it to rise. Raphaella had made her some what she called ‘super yeast’ that only needed a little bit and could be left out for hours to rise. It made some impressive loaves once Lily and Marius worked out the right amounts. The first time had been messy. And sticky. But they got all the dough off the walls eventually.

What she wanted right now was glass of warm milk then she could head back to bed. She’d had no idea how good warm milk could be, then again, she’d had no idea how good milk was full stop.

As Lily headed in she did not expect company.

She definitely did not expect to see the Toy Soldier sat at the table with the entire contents of the cutlery drawer dumped on the table which it was calmly sorting through.

Lily stood and watched fascinated for a moment before curiosity got the better of her.

“What are you doing TS?”

“Oh! Lily! How Nice To See You!”

“It’s nice to see you too TS but what are you doing?”

“I Am Arranging All The Cutlery Into Proper Ranks. They Are Most Disorganised!”

“What do you mean by rank? Are they just knife for cutting, fork for stabbing and spoon for scooping?”

“No No No! They All Have Different Jobs You See And They All Have A Proper Place!”

“But there’s only those three jobs?”

“No, There Are Lots Of Different Jobs Young Bean!”

“Oh. Can you show me please?”

The Toy Soldier, whilst its face didn’t change looked somehow more delighted that usual.

It very much liked Lily, she was so small but so full of energy and affection, in the five months she'd been on board she made it feel even more thrilled about playing with its’ friends because the games got a lot more gentle and lots more people joined in. They didn’t play their usual games as often, knife monopoly, gun karaoke and switchblade snakes and ladders were only played after Lily went to bed but they tended to play more games all together which was jolly nice and Lily always asked it to play which it _adored_.

They’d all played the shooting game without bullets using the coloured water bombs instead several times and each had been spiffing fun! It had joined Lily in ganging up on several of the crew in a surprise attack, little Lily was becoming a sharp little tactical bean. Tim had talked about creating soft bullets they could shoot instead that wouldn’t hurt or break things and had shown it his blueprints for the new gun designs to shoot the soft bullets, it looked jolly complicated but it liked complicated mechanics. Tim had asked it to help because it and Brian were the best at clockwork mechanics and Tim wanted to avoid his usual barrel strike or laser model versions. It was nice to see him so excited about a new weapon, TS loved seeing its friends happy. Lily was helping Tim, Brian and it build the new gun too, she tested the weight of them.

Lily understood the joy of being included.

She would also make a good soldier if she wanted to be. When she was bigger. A proper uniform wouldn’t fit her yet and that just wouldn’t do.

But it very much enjoyed Lily’s company, she was an excellent tea party guest and made lovely cakes with it in the kitchen, she made the effort to be extra delicate and even made literal tea cakes with finely powdered earl grey and lavender icing. Utterly delightful!

Lily was its friend and it cared about her a lot. She was a very good listener and gave it hugs every time she saw it. She’d asked very politely too, she had much better manners than the rest of its friends and had asked if it minded at all if she hugged it a lot? It hadn’t minded at all, it loved to be included and Lily made an excellent companion in game-playing, story-telling and song-singing.

She made it feel even more real and a big part of everything. It was very pleased about that. It liked Lily a great a deal and was always happy to spend time in her company.

It carefully went through all the different cutlery on the table and what they were used for, Lily liked listening to the Toy Soldier talk even though half of what it said sailed over her head, it was so enthusiastic and friendly no matter what it was doing or what was happening. It was nice and made her feel that everything was alright. You couldn’t talk like that or care about little forks and spoons when your ship was being raided.

It made her feel safe whenever she listened to it. That the world was only a pot of tea, tiny cakes and neat cucumber sandwiches away from being alright again. She loved making up new and fancier cake recipes for their tea parties. She was so proud of herself when she managed to pour the perfect cup of tea for TS using its special fancy pots it called a ‘service’, pouring the milk in first because the fancy cup was made out of something called ‘bone china’ and pouring hot tea into it from the pot would damage it if it went in first. Then she stirred it carefully and picked up two little sugar lumps with tiny silver tongs and stirred the tea again before handing it to TS. It drank it in it’s own way and declared it was the best cup of tea it had ever been given and it had drunk a lot of tea.

Lily had glowed with the praise and set to enjoying her own cup beaming throughout the rest of their tea party.

It didn’t take long for Lily to climb onto its lap for a cuddle because maybe she was a bit scared after all and TS was solid and strong and safe. She could always tell herself it was because she wanted a better look at the assembly arranged on the table. It was even sort of true.

TS wrapped a supportive wooden arm around her and carried on happily, enjoying having company, Lily was a very good listener and it liked being cuddled. Lily was very good at cuddling, it made TS feel special and as included as everyone else. It carried on explaining the different scenarios in which a salad fork maybe used.

Lily was just beginning to settle when she got an idea that demanded attention, she voiced it immediately, “These look like the military units Tim was talking about who have different weapons, if these were different war people, what would they do?”

The Toy Soldier glowed with excitement, very much liking this idea having had it before. Now it could show someone who appreciated its attention to detail!

“I Can Show You!”

It was another two hours before Lily was nearly sleep-walked back to bed then gently picked up and carried carefully the rest of the way and tucked in by a very happy Toy Soldier who hadn’t had quite so much fun in a jolly long time.

***

That morning when Lily casually swapped the fish knife in Jonny’s hand for a butterknife when he reached to slather pancakes she’d made he looked very confused. When she explained it was the wrong knife he looked disgusted. He zeroed in on the Toy Soldier who was happily sipping tea from a china cup and saucer.

“You!”

The rest of the group froze. Jonny’s patience with TS was legendarily short, it was miracle he hadn’t shot it yet. Several of them braced to haul Lily out of the way whilst the rest prepared to yell at Jonny for the next few hours. 

“What Ho Old Chap! These Pancake Are Jolly Delightful What?!”

“Have you been teaching Lily etiquette?!” He spat, incandescent at the idea it had been filling her head with complete nonsense.

It was utterly un-phased in the face of Jonny’s fury, “Of Course! It’s An Important Thing For A Young Person To Know!”

It took everything Jonny had not to blow its head off right then and there.

“No it is isn’t! If Nastya, an actual _princess_ doesn’t bother there is literally no point!”

Nastya was about to argue back that he should mind his own goddamned business and maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing that their youngest crew member knew her way around a knife and fork unlike _some_ unabashed heathens when another voice piped up.

“Jonny! Don’t be cross!” Admonished Lily, looking utterly unimpressed, “TS taught me last night when I came to get some milk, it was fun! We turned them into fighters and we had a battle! General Tablespoon won because she lured Marshall Ladle into a trap in the valley of condiments and hit their teaspoon infantry with her flanks of fork knights!”

All eyes that had focused on Lily flipped back to Jonny fascinated to see what he’d do, this was far too entertaining to ignore; breakfast was rarely so engaging.

Without missing a beat and with the same level of intensity now missing the annoyance Jonny carried on with the new information, “Well, okay, were you advising General Tablespoon?”

“Yes!”

“Well good!” He blustered, “Excellent tactics!”

Tim, deeply proud of Lily but also finding Jonny being put on the spot by their eight year old hilarious nearly ruptured something with Marius and Ashes not far behind. The whole table was laughing within seconds, and after a moment Jonny included. He couldn’t be annoyed that Lily had found a way to play and enjoy herself when she’d clearly been woken up by another bad dream, there was no other reason as to why she’d be up with TS late at night. He was still going to shoot the Toy Soldier when he next got the chance but he was pleased it at least had done a half decent job looking after her.

Maybe it would get a pass.

Just this once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you thought, your comments give me life in this wet and weary isolated slog to the end of what has been QUITE the year!
> 
> I love TS and I felt terrible it hadn't been included as much as it should have been so here is my attempt to remedy that!
> 
> I am hoping to get this story finished before Christmas as there are two more chapters to go but fair warning the next chapter is going to be heavier than my previous content (followed by lots of fluff and comfort I promise) I'm still working it out and will update the tags accordingly. It's not quite as ominous as I'm sure this sounds but more of Lily's nightmares are on the way, sorry in advance!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this, I hope it was worth the wait! A huge thank you to everyone who commented and kudos my last Lily fic, I wouldn't have written this without you all! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this one, the trend of cuddling continues unconfined here!


End file.
